Oh Sansa, Sansa, Sansa. Poor Sansa. She thinks she's being fitted for her lovely new frock, only for Cersei to whip out the wedding cloak at the last minute, and suddenly she is being whisked away to marry a dwarf.
It's the best wedding King's Landing has ever had! It's got a crying bride, a humiliated groom, and a family argument. The highlight of the evening is going to be stripping the bride and groom naked and listening outside the door while they have sex. Because Westeros is oh so civilised compared to those Dothraki or those wildlings...
Tyrion isn't having it, though. Sansa is only 13 and his heart's not in it. He probably is going to be a fairly decent husband. All Sansa has to do now is avoid Joffrey's attempts to use her to make bastards.
Lovely family, the Lannisters.
Friday 21 December 2018
ASoS 27: Daenerys 367
Dany sets off to buy her robot slave army. She takes a lot of cargo along from the ships, and a dragon.
It strikes me that barter is awfully inefficient. All those goods and a dragon buys 8600 unsullied plus extra boys. But is that the right price? Would it not have been better to exchange all the goods for gold coins, and then haggle over the price in gold coins? Because there might be people willing to pay more for dragons and other goods than those slavers were. That's why money was invented, after all. But clearly Astapor is not as sophisticated as that yet. Or Dany has been ripped off.
She gets her own back, though. Boy, does she get her own back. In what I can only imagine will be a very good scene in the TV series, having bought the unthinkingly obedient slave army, she crosses the figurative Trident (not the Rubicon) and proceeds to use it to...attack the slavers. Genius! It's the sort of plan only a self-righteous teenage girl would attempt, and it's beautiful. She gets to keep her dragon, too.
I'm still worried about logistics. Will Dany have enough people to command the robot slaves? And will she be able to find sufficient food and shelter for them? I'm a bit worried she has not thought this part through. Then again, she may well have new people on her side now that she is something of a power.
It strikes me that barter is awfully inefficient. All those goods and a dragon buys 8600 unsullied plus extra boys. But is that the right price? Would it not have been better to exchange all the goods for gold coins, and then haggle over the price in gold coins? Because there might be people willing to pay more for dragons and other goods than those slavers were. That's why money was invented, after all. But clearly Astapor is not as sophisticated as that yet. Or Dany has been ripped off.
She gets her own back, though. Boy, does she get her own back. In what I can only imagine will be a very good scene in the TV series, having bought the unthinkingly obedient slave army, she crosses the figurative Trident (not the Rubicon) and proceeds to use it to...attack the slavers. Genius! It's the sort of plan only a self-righteous teenage girl would attempt, and it's beautiful. She gets to keep her dragon, too.
I'm still worried about logistics. Will Dany have enough people to command the robot slaves? And will she be able to find sufficient food and shelter for them? I'm a bit worried she has not thought this part through. Then again, she may well have new people on her side now that she is something of a power.
Sunday 16 December 2018
ASoS 26: Jon 355
Poor Jon just *had* to let Ygritte have her wicked way, but, as predicted he likes it and is now super confused/horny. He doesn't know who he is any more. But maybe it won't matter if he can just disappear into a dark cave system with his girlfriend and never come out.
ASoS 25: Davos 344
Davos has been locked in a cell by the red woman but at least he is warm and his jailers seem pleasant enough, and the food is decent. Sanitation could be improved but, hell, for a jail, 3 out of 5 stars.
The red woman comes to visit and voices a theory similar to thoughts I have had before: all this war is really a war between gods. Red woman says there are only two gods, good and evil, and hers is the good one. I'm not so sure about that; neither is Davos. Also she thinks Stannis is Azor Ahai ("who will be born again out of smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone") but she obviously hasn't met Dany.
Lord Alester Florent is Davos' new cellmate. He's in for writing a letter of surrender on Stannis' behalf. He was caught after sending the letter via Salladhor Saan post, and *still* Davos thinks Saan is loyal and that the red woman gets her knowledge from supernatural powers.
The red woman comes to visit and voices a theory similar to thoughts I have had before: all this war is really a war between gods. Red woman says there are only two gods, good and evil, and hers is the good one. I'm not so sure about that; neither is Davos. Also she thinks Stannis is Azor Ahai ("who will be born again out of smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone") but she obviously hasn't met Dany.
Lord Alester Florent is Davos' new cellmate. He's in for writing a letter of surrender on Stannis' behalf. He was caught after sending the letter via Salladhor Saan post, and *still* Davos thinks Saan is loyal and that the red woman gets her knowledge from supernatural powers.
ASoS 24: Bran 331
Bran is on a journey. It's all a bit Fellowship of the Ring. The landscape is described. Eagles fly overhead: that's probably not good. We get to hear a story from a long time ago about places that have not been mentioned before. Green Men may make future appearances.
They meet a Liddle who offers them shelter and a cave and tells them news of the wider world. Bran vows to be nice to Liddles if he ever gets the chance.
They meet a Liddle who offers them shelter and a cave and tells them news of the wider world. Bran vows to be nice to Liddles if he ever gets the chance.
ASoS 23: Daenerys 311
Dany goes shopping for a slave army. These aren't ordinary slaves, either. They're genetically engineered robots who feel no pain, have no emotions, and no personality. You can cut off their nipples and they don't even flinch. Somewhat disappointingly they don't have penises. But Dany has really attentive handmaidens, so she probably only needs them for fighting anyway.
They don't come with officers and they follow orders to the letter. I'm a computer programmer and I foresee problems.
Dany is not sure about the whole slave army thing from a personal brand point of view. Mormont points out the central lesson of the series: valiance, nobility and honour are a leading cause of death in Westeros.
They don't come with officers and they follow orders to the letter. I'm a computer programmer and I foresee problems.
Dany is not sure about the whole slave army thing from a personal brand point of view. Mormont points out the central lesson of the series: valiance, nobility and honour are a leading cause of death in Westeros.
Sunday 9 December 2018
ASoS 22; Arya 298
Arya gets dragged around the countryside looking for the boss Lord Beric, who is not hiding from them, exactly, but moves around a lot and likes to be hard to find.
The party visits elves in Lothlorien, and meets a scary fortune teller on Weathertop. They end up at the castle of Lady Smallwood, who seems thouroughly decent. She gives Arya a bath and puts her in a silly dress, which makes Gendry take the piss out of her leading to a hilarous play-fight. But she ends up riding out in sensible new clothes previously owned by Smallwood's now dead seven-year-old son.
At some point during all this Arya learns that her mother freed Jaime and can't quite believe it, but that's because she doesn't know the whole story.
The party visits elves in Lothlorien, and meets a scary fortune teller on Weathertop. They end up at the castle of Lady Smallwood, who seems thouroughly decent. She gives Arya a bath and puts her in a silly dress, which makes Gendry take the piss out of her leading to a hilarous play-fight. But she ends up riding out in sensible new clothes previously owned by Smallwood's now dead seven-year-old son.
At some point during all this Arya learns that her mother freed Jaime and can't quite believe it, but that's because she doesn't know the whole story.
ASoS 21: Jaime 285
Jaime, Brienne and Cleos are attacked by archers. Cleos gets hit by an arrow but Jaime drives off the archers by charging them. Archers always run when charged, apparently.
Jaime takes Cleos' sword and ends up in a lengthy sword fight with Brienne. The bloody mummers (including Rorge) catch them at this and capture them both. To his credit, Jaime tries to convince them that Brienne is highborn and valuable to try to prevent her getting raped too much. We also learn that Jaime has every intention of freeing Sansa, even if only to confound everyone's expectations. In other words: Catelyn's gambit did at least have a chance of success.
They get taken to the leader, Vargo Hoat. Jaime tries to buy him over to his side with all the Lannister gold and gets his ear cut off for his trouble.
I'm starting to wonder why anyone tries to travel anywhere in Westeros. It's too dangerous. I won't be going there on holiday.
Jaime takes Cleos' sword and ends up in a lengthy sword fight with Brienne. The bloody mummers (including Rorge) catch them at this and capture them both. To his credit, Jaime tries to convince them that Brienne is highborn and valuable to try to prevent her getting raped too much. We also learn that Jaime has every intention of freeing Sansa, even if only to confound everyone's expectations. In other words: Catelyn's gambit did at least have a chance of success.
They get taken to the leader, Vargo Hoat. Jaime tries to buy him over to his side with all the Lannister gold and gets his ear cut off for his trouble.
I'm starting to wonder why anyone tries to travel anywhere in Westeros. It's too dangerous. I won't be going there on holiday.
ASoS 20: Catelyn 273
Lord Karstark has murdered a couple of squires in revenge for his sons killed in a battle. This is so obviously unfair that Robb has no choice but to put him to death. By his own hand, of course. Which means that Robb has lost some more friends and made some more enemies. One of the squires was a Frey, so that will just add insult to the injury of spurning Frey's one of daughter Frey's. The main thing we learn here is that Robb is just like his father: he doesn't like what he must do, but he does what he must do.
His wife Jeyne goes to Catelyn for advice about Robb's sulking. Just leave him alone until he snaps out of it. Oh, by the way, an heir will be useful. Not to worry, the mother-in-law is giving Jeyne some concoction to make her fertile. What are the chances there is some skulduggery there?
His wife Jeyne goes to Catelyn for advice about Robb's sulking. Just leave him alone until he snaps out of it. Oh, by the way, an heir will be useful. Not to worry, the mother-in-law is giving Jeyne some concoction to make her fertile. What are the chances there is some skulduggery there?
Thursday 29 November 2018
ASoS 19: Tyrion 254
Oh it's all happening in King's Landing in this chapter! Quite the soap opera. There's a wedding to organise for Joff. Cersei is going to have to completely re-do the seating plan since it turns out Tyrells can't be sat next to Dornish men. The Lannisters have won another battle somewhere I've never heard of. Tyrell is convinced Rob Stark is going to be busy re-taking Winterfell, but Tyrell is not very good at war strategy, which means he's probably wrong and Robb will do something else surprising instead.
Littlefinger is heading off to woo Lysa to win her troops to the Lannister side. Oh so that'll be it: he'll meet Robb and Catelyn who are also heading that way to try to get her allegiance (if I'm right about that).
Greyjoy has offered to team up with the Lannisters as long as he gets to keep the North. Tywin is not having any of that and plans to ignore him and let the coming winter take care of him. Tywin is also not bothered with sending men to the wall. He's happy to let Mance Rayder keep Robb and Theon occupied. What's the betting that he'll come to regret that?
Tyrion is going to have to be Master of Coin. Since it was Littlefinger's idea, Tyrion suspects a trap. Probably the trap is that there is no money. They're spending it at quite a rate as far as I can see and the King's Landing finances were not in great shape to begin with. The tax take can't be all that great with all the burning of fields that's been going on. Still, this is Tyrion, so he'll probably invent some cunning way out of it, like fiat currency and fractional reserve banking...
Tywin has got wind that the Tyrells are planning to marry off Sansa to the crippled heir of Highgarden. He doesn't plan to allow that to happen. He wants to Cersei to marry him instead. You should have seen Cersei's face! Duff-duff, duff duff duff, da da da da.
But that's not the cliff hanger: there's more! He wants Tyrion to marry Sansa! And soon, before the Tyrells' plans are well known so that Mace can't take offence. Tyrion thinks she's a bit young, and probably won't be that into him. On the other hand, he'd be punching above his weight. And anyway, Tywin says once he's consumated the marriage he can wait a few years until she's grown up. So that's okay then. And Tywin thinks this means Tyrion will inherit Winterfell. Which is fine unless Robb starts having babies with a Frey.
It also turns out that Tywin knows about Robb's snubbing the Freys to marry a Westerling. Now Tyrion thinks the Westerlings are a bit daft to betray the Lannisters (and there's a cool story that the Lannisters so thoroughly destroyed another house who betrayed them that Tywin just has to send singers to sing about that to keep other houses in line -- that's how badass Tywin is). But Tywin thinks they're really thinking one step ahead, which means it could well be all part of a cunning plan. After all, Jeyne Westerling's grandmother was (or possibly still is) a maegi who deals in love potions which may have something to do with Robb's marrying Jeyne.
So to sum up Tywin's plans: Maergery Tyrell will marry Joff, Cersei will marry Willas Tyrell, Tyrion will marry Sansa Stark, Robb Stark will get killed in battle before having children and Theon Greyjoy is just so useless he will get killed by the Winter. This will leave the Lannisters inheriting everything. I bet it doesn't turn out like that, though.
ASoS 18: Samwell 236
Sam is trudging through the snow. Is this the first Samwell chapter? I think it is! Anyway, the camp was attacked by wights and Others (hence the three horn blasts from the prologue and Mance and Jon finding all the dead horses). Sam managed to send a message. Then he released all the birds, which ought to be a message in itself. But if no-one makes it back they won't know it was wights and Others.
He can't walk any more so Small Paul carries him. Paul lets slip that Chet was going to let him have Mormont's crow, but no-one seems to notice. And Paul gets killed by an Other anyway. Craven Sam manages to muster up the courage to attack the Other with the the glass dagger Jon gave him. Not so craven after all is our Sam. He ought to be pretty handy if any Nazgul turn up, too.
It turns out that dragonglass kills Others. Which is pretty handy. Also it's quite surprising that no-one knew that. Shouldn't it be part of the stories? Hopefully Sam makes it back to the wall because that could turn out to be very useful intelligence.
He can't walk any more so Small Paul carries him. Paul lets slip that Chet was going to let him have Mormont's crow, but no-one seems to notice. And Paul gets killed by an Other anyway. Craven Sam manages to muster up the courage to attack the Other with the the glass dagger Jon gave him. Not so craven after all is our Sam. He ought to be pretty handy if any Nazgul turn up, too.
It turns out that dragonglass kills Others. Which is pretty handy. Also it's quite surprising that no-one knew that. Shouldn't it be part of the stories? Hopefully Sam makes it back to the wall because that could turn out to be very useful intelligence.
Thursday 22 November 2018
ASoS 17: Arya 227
Hot Pie stayed at the Inn to become a baker, since he was bored with all the travelling anyway. Arya and Gendry have gone with the outlaws to Riverrun. It turns out that the outlaws started out as the men Ned sent to harry GREGOR, under the command of Lord Beric. But GREGOR smashed them, and then they found out that Ned and Robert were dead. Rather than yeilding to the new king Joff, they decided to continue defending the smallfolk.
Lord Beric survived his injuries (he never dies) and continues to lead the outlaws, and their numbers have grown. They are the Rebel Alliance! Arya finds out she's being taken to Beric instead of Rivverrun, so she tries to gallop off, which almost works because she has a fast horse, but Harwin is a better horseman. Arya had better hope that Beric is as fair as they say.
Incidentally, it seems like Ned was doomed one way or another. If his leg wasn't broken he probably would have gone to face GREGOR himself, and would have been just as outnumbered and probably more dead than Beric.
ASoS 16: Sansa 220
Sansa is getting a new wardrobe courtesy of Cersei and/or Maergery. It turns out life is not so bad now that the Tyrells are in town and Sansa has lots of new friends who are nice to her. So much so that she's told Dontos she doesn't want to escape any more.
She sees herself as far more worldly-wise than the various Tyrell girls, since she has seen battles and her dad's head chopped off, and she has a point. She keeps warning Maergery about Joff but Maergery seems unconcerned and thinks her brother the Flower Knight, now kingsguard, will protect her from him, presumably by turning kingslayer and throwing the realm into new chaos. But how much has Sansa really learned? Despite Dontos' warnings that he's only after Winterfell, she thinks marrying Willas will be lovely. But he might well be just as much of a monster as Joff.
Anyway, she's got until the night of Joff's wedding to decide, because that's when Dontos' boat will be ready to rescue her. It'll be the best wedding Walford, I mean Westeros, has ever had!
She sees herself as far more worldly-wise than the various Tyrell girls, since she has seen battles and her dad's head chopped off, and she has a point. She keeps warning Maergery about Joff but Maergery seems unconcerned and thinks her brother the Flower Knight, now kingsguard, will protect her from him, presumably by turning kingslayer and throwing the realm into new chaos. But how much has Sansa really learned? Despite Dontos' warnings that he's only after Winterfell, she thinks marrying Willas will be lovely. But he might well be just as much of a monster as Joff.
Anyway, she's got until the night of Joff's wedding to decide, because that's when Dontos' boat will be ready to rescue her. It'll be the best wedding Walford, I mean Westeros, has ever had!
Wednesday 21 November 2018
ASoS 15: Jon 202
Jon meanwhile has been doing an admirable job of not thinking with his dick and staying loyal to the watch while working undercover. It's starting to slip, though: he likes some of the wildlings and he finds Ygritte's eyes and smile alluring despite her commoner looks.
Tormund has various hilarious tall tales to tell. Jon sees giants on mammoths. They all have a sing song. Ygritte is a bit sad that there are only a few hundred giants left in the world. Then everything happens at once: Jon is attacked by the eagle posessed by the ghost of a man he killed, and Mance finds the watch's hilltop camp. Except there are more dead watchmen than Jon told Mance were on the ranging.
Somehow or other Mance doesn't have him killed for lying, but instead tells him he's going on a mission tomorrow and he'd better prove himself by killing some watchmen. Ygritte also manages to persuade Mance that she and Jon are "dancing" under Jon's cloak at night. Which they haven't yet despite much snuggling for warmth, but now wants Jon to make her honest. I like Ygritte: she knows what she wants and she's persistent about getting it.
Edit to add: I just remembered Ben Stark's complaint when Jon first mentioned wanting to join the Watch, which was that Jon had not known love and did not know what he was giving up. What are the chances that when he finds out, his attitude changes somewhat?
Tormund has various hilarious tall tales to tell. Jon sees giants on mammoths. They all have a sing song. Ygritte is a bit sad that there are only a few hundred giants left in the world. Then everything happens at once: Jon is attacked by the eagle posessed by the ghost of a man he killed, and Mance finds the watch's hilltop camp. Except there are more dead watchmen than Jon told Mance were on the ranging.
Somehow or other Mance doesn't have him killed for lying, but instead tells him he's going on a mission tomorrow and he'd better prove himself by killing some watchmen. Ygritte also manages to persuade Mance that she and Jon are "dancing" under Jon's cloak at night. Which they haven't yet despite much snuggling for warmth, but now wants Jon to make her honest. I like Ygritte: she knows what she wants and she's persistent about getting it.
Edit to add: I just remembered Ben Stark's complaint when Jon first mentioned wanting to join the Watch, which was that Jon had not known love and did not know what he was giving up. What are the chances that when he finds out, his attitude changes somewhat?
ASoS 14: Catelyn 188
The Catelyn chapters have more intrigue than the Tyrion ones at the moment. Robb comes back to Riverrun. There's some drama in the yard involving some Frey boys trampling Robb's banner and leaving in a huff. It turns out it's because Robb got injured, was nursed by a pretty girl, and ended up marrying her. The Freys are annoyed because he'd promised to marry one of Lord Frey's daughters. Oh dear, the message here seems to be that much of history is written by powerful men thinking with their dicks. It does seem awfully plausible.
This lets Catelyn off the hook a bit for releasing Jaime. But Robb's overall position does not seem that great. Catelyn seems to have a cunning plan to get the Freys back onside and I think it might involve "Tansy" aka her sister. Is that really going to cut it though? Isn't she a slightly mad cat lady living in isolation at the top of a mountain?
Also Robb is sending his wolf off to the kennels because some of his wifes people don't like it, and it doesn't like them. Catelyn thinks this is a bad sign, and I think she's right. GRRM is clearly telling us that the wolves were sent by the gods, and I'm fairly sure that this whole game of thrones business boils down to various gods vying for power.
Meanwhile Edmure is in deep shit. I remember being a bit suspicious back when Riverrun was celebrating its victory over Tywin. Turns out Robb's plan all along was to draw Tywin east and keep him distracted. Instead Edmure delayed him and he ended up preventing Stannis from taking King's Landing. Oops. Still, it wouldn't have hurt Robb to keep Edmure in the loop on his plans. "Just follow orders" is all well and good until events happen and you have to make decisions. Robb will learn from this, hopefully.
This lets Catelyn off the hook a bit for releasing Jaime. But Robb's overall position does not seem that great. Catelyn seems to have a cunning plan to get the Freys back onside and I think it might involve "Tansy" aka her sister. Is that really going to cut it though? Isn't she a slightly mad cat lady living in isolation at the top of a mountain?
Also Robb is sending his wolf off to the kennels because some of his wifes people don't like it, and it doesn't like them. Catelyn thinks this is a bad sign, and I think she's right. GRRM is clearly telling us that the wolves were sent by the gods, and I'm fairly sure that this whole game of thrones business boils down to various gods vying for power.
Meanwhile Edmure is in deep shit. I remember being a bit suspicious back when Riverrun was celebrating its victory over Tywin. Turns out Robb's plan all along was to draw Tywin east and keep him distracted. Instead Edmure delayed him and he ended up preventing Stannis from taking King's Landing. Oops. Still, it wouldn't have hurt Robb to keep Edmure in the loop on his plans. "Just follow orders" is all well and good until events happen and you have to make decisions. Robb will learn from this, hopefully.
Monday 19 November 2018
ASoS 13: Arya 173
Arya, Hot Pie and Gendry get caught stealing vegetables from a dead man's garden by Lem, Archer/Anguy and Tom of Sevenstreams the singer. After a bit of parley, Arya realises they can't escape the archer, and they go with them to a nearby Inn where they are promised food but I suspect Arya at least will be sold into slavery of some form.
It turns out to be the same Inn visited by Jaime, Brienne and Cleos a couple of chapters earlier. Lem, Archer and Tom were supposed to intercept Jaime and company and steal their horses, but were foiled because Brienne didn't trust the man who is not an innkeeper and chose a different route from the one he advised.
Sure enough, after being fed, the band of outlaws offer Arya a promissory note in exchange for their horses. The note is probably worthless since there is no gold (imagine someone on 21st century Earth falling for that! Err...) but Arya thinks they're going to lose their horses anyway, so she offers them in exchange for Brienne's boat that she's seen outside.
Just then some riders turn up, who turn out to include Harwin, who used to lead her pony around the yard. He recognises her and announces to the room that she is Arya Stark, daughter of the Hand. So perhaps these really are "king's men" still loyal to the ghost of Robert and his hand.
It turns out to be the same Inn visited by Jaime, Brienne and Cleos a couple of chapters earlier. Lem, Archer and Tom were supposed to intercept Jaime and company and steal their horses, but were foiled because Brienne didn't trust the man who is not an innkeeper and chose a different route from the one he advised.
Sure enough, after being fed, the band of outlaws offer Arya a promissory note in exchange for their horses. The note is probably worthless since there is no gold (imagine someone on 21st century Earth falling for that! Err...) but Arya thinks they're going to lose their horses anyway, so she offers them in exchange for Brienne's boat that she's seen outside.
Just then some riders turn up, who turn out to include Harwin, who used to lead her pony around the yard. He recognises her and announces to the room that she is Arya Stark, daughter of the Hand. So perhaps these really are "king's men" still loyal to the ghost of Robert and his hand.
ASoS 12: Tyrion 161
Tyrion visits Varys, learns that his hard work is being undone by Cersei and Tywin, and doesn't learn much about Ser Mandon's attempt to kill him. He does know that Mandon is a bit boring and straight-laced, and not the type to kill people unless ordered to. I suspect there is something mysterious about Mandon that will be revealed later.
Mostly Tyrion is thinking with his nethers again and wants to see Shae. Varys arranges it; Shae reminds him of his promises about jewels and a manse. Tyrion wants to send her away for her own safety (she'll be hung if Tywin finds out about her) but ends up telling her she can stay. I suspect this is going to turn out to be a great tragic story arc.
I have to admit Tyrion chapters were a lot more interesting when he had power and influence. I hope he regains some.
Mostly Tyrion is thinking with his nethers again and wants to see Shae. Varys arranges it; Shae reminds him of his promises about jewels and a manse. Tyrion wants to send her away for her own safety (she'll be hung if Tywin finds out about her) but ends up telling her she can stay. I suspect this is going to turn out to be a great tragic story arc.
I have to admit Tyrion chapters were a lot more interesting when he had power and influence. I hope he regains some.
Thursday 15 November 2018
ASoS 11: Jaime 146
Jaime, Brienne and Cleos are get out of their boat at an inn expecting it to be empty, but find a man who is not an innkeeper who serves them horse steak. He also sells them horses so they can continue on land which might be safer. At this point Westeros is basically like Somalia, with warlords fighting it out over territory and bands of rogues roaming in between and anyone travelling amywhere is going to get killed.
They take a different route to the one recommended by the man who is not an innkeeper in case he is sending them into a trap.
We get to spend some time in Jaime's head. Basically the whole plot up to this point is driven by his and Cersei's love for each other. Tywin was going to marry him off to a Tyrell daughter so to stay close to Cersei he became a kingsguard. This didn't work because it annoyed Tywin who resigned his post as hand and left with Cersei to Casterley Rock. (The law of drama suggests that Tywin is going to find out about Jaime and Cersei at the worst possible moment, at some point later in the books.)
This left Tywin free to plot against Aerys, and it seems like it's partly Jaime's frustration at the separation that leads to him killing both the new hand and the king Aerys. If Jaime had just married Tyrell's daughter, Tywin would be hand, Cersei would have married a Targaryen (maybe Vyseris), and none of this would have happened. Probably.
They take a different route to the one recommended by the man who is not an innkeeper in case he is sending them into a trap.
We get to spend some time in Jaime's head. Basically the whole plot up to this point is driven by his and Cersei's love for each other. Tywin was going to marry him off to a Tyrell daughter so to stay close to Cersei he became a kingsguard. This didn't work because it annoyed Tywin who resigned his post as hand and left with Cersei to Casterley Rock. (The law of drama suggests that Tywin is going to find out about Jaime and Cersei at the worst possible moment, at some point later in the books.)
This left Tywin free to plot against Aerys, and it seems like it's partly Jaime's frustration at the separation that leads to him killing both the new hand and the king Aerys. If Jaime had just married Tyrell's daughter, Tywin would be hand, Cersei would have married a Targaryen (maybe Vyseris), and none of this would have happened. Probably.
ASoS 10: Davos 133
Davos is coughing up blood. That's probably not good. He ought to see a Maester about that. Instead he tries to visit Stannis but has to visit Salladhor Saan first. He tells Salladhor he plans to kill Melisandre. Salladhor says he should get well first but Davos isn't having any of it and goes to see Stannis anyway.
Stannis apparently doesn't see people any more. Instead Davos gets arrested by Melisandre's men. She seems to know all about Davos's plan. Did she hear it from Salladhor already? Or does she have her own version of Varys?
Now it seems as if Melisandre is basically Wormtounge to Stannis's Theoden. Where is Gandalf?
Stannis apparently doesn't see people any more. Instead Davos gets arrested by Melisandre's men. She seems to know all about Davos's plan. Did she hear it from Salladhor already? Or does she have her own version of Varys?
Now it seems as if Melisandre is basically Wormtounge to Stannis's Theoden. Where is Gandalf?
Friday 9 November 2018
ASoS 9: Bran 122
Bran is still addicted to his wolf virtual reality game, and is annoyed when Jojen pulls his headset off right when he's in the middle of fighting and about to eat a deer.
They're living in an abandoned watchtower in the woods in the middle of nowhere.
There's a bit of a debate about who is really in charge and what they should do, and in the end Bran agrees to go along with Jojen's plan of visiting the three-eyed crow beyond the wall. Who this is we don't know, but I suspect it will turn out to be some wildling close to Mance Rayder. Bran knows he can't keep just being a wolf: apparently it's possible for a warg to take full control of the host animal and even pick which animal to control, which sounds like a pretty awesome telepresence superpower which I suspect Bran will master before the end of the saga.
They're living in an abandoned watchtower in the woods in the middle of nowhere.
There's a bit of a debate about who is really in charge and what they should do, and in the end Bran agrees to go along with Jojen's plan of visiting the three-eyed crow beyond the wall. Who this is we don't know, but I suspect it will turn out to be some wildling close to Mance Rayder. Bran knows he can't keep just being a wolf: apparently it's possible for a warg to take full control of the host animal and even pick which animal to control, which sounds like a pretty awesome telepresence superpower which I suspect Bran will master before the end of the saga.
ASoS 8: Daenerys 105
Dany is on Illyrio's ship surrounded by Illyrio's men. Ser Jorah is suspicious of everyone, or perhaps he is being overprotective. Her dragons are flying around now and cooking meat with their own fire. She's training them to obey commands and is planning to be able to ride them.
Jorah goes to visit Dany while she's naked in bed. Dany seems to be naked a lot in these books. He convinces her not to go directly to see Illyrio, but to go to another port on the way and hire a badass army instead, so that she's got some protection against whatever nefarious plans Illyrio has.
I do wonder where they're all going to stay. It's not like you can just call up the Pentos Marriott and ask for 1000 rooms. I suppose people are used to squashing up in one room. Even Dany is sharing a bed with her handmaiden (and not even like that).
Having agreed to his plan, Dany gets out of bed to put on some clothes. She doesn't care if Jorah sees her naked, even though she knows he's in love with her. This is all the encouragement he needs: he's finally plucked up the courage to plant a big smacker on her lips. Also he wants to ride one of her dragons (behave). She likes it, but also thinks it's a bit inappropriate, so tries to pretend she didn't like it. I honestly have no idea whether Jorah is guilty of sexual harassment or not. It's a bit weird seeing as he's kind of a father figure, but then again Dany is from a long line of incestuous couplings so who am I to judge? Probably Dany's problem with it is the same as Darcy's problem with Elizabeth: eventually she'll get over herself and they'll live happily ever after.
Jorah goes to visit Dany while she's naked in bed. Dany seems to be naked a lot in these books. He convinces her not to go directly to see Illyrio, but to go to another port on the way and hire a badass army instead, so that she's got some protection against whatever nefarious plans Illyrio has.
I do wonder where they're all going to stay. It's not like you can just call up the Pentos Marriott and ask for 1000 rooms. I suppose people are used to squashing up in one room. Even Dany is sharing a bed with her handmaiden (and not even like that).
Having agreed to his plan, Dany gets out of bed to put on some clothes. She doesn't care if Jorah sees her naked, even though she knows he's in love with her. This is all the encouragement he needs: he's finally plucked up the courage to plant a big smacker on her lips. Also he wants to ride one of her dragons (behave). She likes it, but also thinks it's a bit inappropriate, so tries to pretend she didn't like it. I honestly have no idea whether Jorah is guilty of sexual harassment or not. It's a bit weird seeing as he's kind of a father figure, but then again Dany is from a long line of incestuous couplings so who am I to judge? Probably Dany's problem with it is the same as Darcy's problem with Elizabeth: eventually she'll get over herself and they'll live happily ever after.
ASoS 7: Jon 91
Jon, now working undercover amongst the wildlings, is taken to meet Mance Rayder. At first I think Mance Rayder is being far too freindly. Shouldn't he be throwing Jon in a cage and interrogating him? Or at least not so immediately inviting him into his house and introducing him to his pregnant wife?
But then I start to realise I've got Mance all wrong. He's not some ruffian, scoundrel, raider (despite the name). He's not even a Westeros-style lord who might very likely treat prisoners only as well as it suits.
Mance is civilised and has manners. He is not a ruler: the wildlings associate with him voluntarily. These are free folk, and Mance means it, unlike Craddock whose idea of freedom is the freedom to abuse his daughters. For Mance, freedom is for other people, too. And so Jon is a free man who he invites onto his property to share his food.
As Ygritte says when Jon asks if he will be free to leave, "Sure you will. And we'll be free to kill you. It's dangerous being free, but most come to like the taste o' it."
This is better than it sounds, their interest in killing Jon is only so far as it is necessary to protect themselves.
Mance explains why he left the Watch: "...for a place where a kiss was not a crime, and a man could wear any cloak he chose."
My prediction then, is that Jon is going to go too deep under cover, and come to like the taste of freedom, and realise that a better world is possible than the backwards, medieval society of Westeros.
But then I start to realise I've got Mance all wrong. He's not some ruffian, scoundrel, raider (despite the name). He's not even a Westeros-style lord who might very likely treat prisoners only as well as it suits.
Mance is civilised and has manners. He is not a ruler: the wildlings associate with him voluntarily. These are free folk, and Mance means it, unlike Craddock whose idea of freedom is the freedom to abuse his daughters. For Mance, freedom is for other people, too. And so Jon is a free man who he invites onto his property to share his food.
As Ygritte says when Jon asks if he will be free to leave, "Sure you will. And we'll be free to kill you. It's dangerous being free, but most come to like the taste o' it."
This is better than it sounds, their interest in killing Jon is only so far as it is necessary to protect themselves.
Mance explains why he left the Watch: "...for a place where a kiss was not a crime, and a man could wear any cloak he chose."
My prediction then, is that Jon is going to go too deep under cover, and come to like the taste of freedom, and realise that a better world is possible than the backwards, medieval society of Westeros.
Monday 5 November 2018
ASoS 6: Sansa 75
I don't know who it was who first said the Sansa chapters were boring, but I've always quite liked them, probably because I sometimes feel as naive and clueless as her when it comes to GRRM's world and can relate to her. And this one is a corker, thanks in part to the wonderful Lady Olenna who might become my new favourite character if she makes more appearances.
Sansa is invited to supper by her replacement for the spot of Joff's wife-to-be, Margaery Tyrell. She doesn't know what it's all about but as I immediately suspected, it's to find out how Joff treats his women. Lady Olenna doesn't beat about the bush, she doesn't give a fuck in a way only old ladies truly don't have to, and she speaks the truth and doesn't care who hears it. She's unimpressed with this whole marrying into royalty lark. "We should have stayed well out of this bloody foolishness if you ask me, but once the cow's been milked there's no squirting the cream back up her udder. [...] All these kings would do a good deal better if they would put down their swords and listen to their mothers."
Olenna could be the most intelligent character in the book so far. By getting the fool Butterbumps to sing loudly so the spies can't hear, she extracts from Sansa the information she needs: that Joff is a monster who had her beaten by the Kingsguard.
The reaction: "That's a pity." Even Margaery seems nonplussed. Which makes me thinks they've got a way out planned. I wonder what it could be.
Anyway, the Tyrells also plan to marry Sansa to their crippled but kind son. Which doesn't sound too bad compared to being stuck at King's Landing and tormented by Lannisters.
Sansa is invited to supper by her replacement for the spot of Joff's wife-to-be, Margaery Tyrell. She doesn't know what it's all about but as I immediately suspected, it's to find out how Joff treats his women. Lady Olenna doesn't beat about the bush, she doesn't give a fuck in a way only old ladies truly don't have to, and she speaks the truth and doesn't care who hears it. She's unimpressed with this whole marrying into royalty lark. "We should have stayed well out of this bloody foolishness if you ask me, but once the cow's been milked there's no squirting the cream back up her udder. [...] All these kings would do a good deal better if they would put down their swords and listen to their mothers."
Olenna could be the most intelligent character in the book so far. By getting the fool Butterbumps to sing loudly so the spies can't hear, she extracts from Sansa the information she needs: that Joff is a monster who had her beaten by the Kingsguard.
The reaction: "That's a pity." Even Margaery seems nonplussed. Which makes me thinks they've got a way out planned. I wonder what it could be.
Anyway, the Tyrells also plan to marry Sansa to their crippled but kind son. Which doesn't sound too bad compared to being stuck at King's Landing and tormented by Lannisters.
ASoS 5: Davos 67
Davos survived the green fire and Tyrion's chain after falling off his ship by swimming under the water. He ended up washed up on a rocky outcrop. He was ready to give up on life, since his sons are all dead as far as he knows, and he spends most of the chapter in various states of nearly dying. Then he decided that Melisandre and her weird magic and her god are probably to blame for all this bad luck. Now he has a purpose, presumably to kill her. A passing ship comes to the rescue, and luckily for him it is crewed by men loyal to Stannis.
Saturday 3 November 2018
ASoS 4: Tyrion 53
Tyrion makes it out of bed, finally. Bronn still seems loyal to him. He's now Ser Bronn. After getting up to date, Tyrion goes to moan at his father who does not seem sufficiently grateful to Tyrion for saving the city.
Tywin appears to know most of what Tyrion has done but isn't that impressed. When Tyrion asks to be Tywin's heir and inherit Casterly Rock (Jaime apparently can't since he's a kingsguard), Tywin says no. Tyrion might have low cunning but he sleeps with too many whores and anyway he's too ugly and deformed. It seems a bit harsh to begrudge him the whores, and anyway is it such a big deal with everything else the gentry of Westeros get up to?
Tywin appears to know most of what Tyrion has done but isn't that impressed. When Tyrion asks to be Tywin's heir and inherit Casterly Rock (Jaime apparently can't since he's a kingsguard), Tywin says no. Tyrion might have low cunning but he sleeps with too many whores and anyway he's too ugly and deformed. It seems a bit harsh to begrudge him the whores, and anyway is it such a big deal with everything else the gentry of Westeros get up to?
ASoS 3: Arya 43
Arya, Hot Pie and Gendry are heading north on horses to Riverrun. Hot Pie does not travel well. They assume they are being chased. Eventually they sleep and Arya now gets the benefit of Bran's dream powers. As her wolf she kills their pursuers, so that's handy.
Presumably at some point Arya will meet up with her wolf again.
We don't learn much else. Gendry knows who Arya really is but Hot Pie does not. He's even surprised she can read.
Presumably at some point Arya will meet up with her wolf again.
We don't learn much else. Gendry knows who Arya really is but Hot Pie does not. He's even surprised she can read.
ASoS 2: Catelyn 33
Catelyn's release of Jaime was not exactly authorised by the powers that be, so she's in the doghouse and confined to her father's solar. This seems a bit odd since the powers that be are her son, but he's not around to sort things out.
She first learns that Tyrion is no longer the hand, which is a bit of a problem for her plan since he's the only one she thinks would actually release her daughters. She also knows that Ser Robin is after Jaime, so she's watching anxiously to see if he returns. We already know he won't, of course, at least not with Jaime.
When Edmure returns from battle she learns that he's told Roose Bolton to look for Jaime, which is another worry. On the other hand perhaps this will distract Bolton from Arya's disappearance.
Her father mumbles something about Tansy, from which she deduces that he got Jon Arryn to marry Lysa in return for Tully alliance, which Catelyn sees as a huge wrong even though that seems to be par for the course amongst the Westeros gentry.
She also learns that Robb is injured in battle, but it's only a minor injury. He's probably only lost an arm or a leg, then.
She first learns that Tyrion is no longer the hand, which is a bit of a problem for her plan since he's the only one she thinks would actually release her daughters. She also knows that Ser Robin is after Jaime, so she's watching anxiously to see if he returns. We already know he won't, of course, at least not with Jaime.
When Edmure returns from battle she learns that he's told Roose Bolton to look for Jaime, which is another worry. On the other hand perhaps this will distract Bolton from Arya's disappearance.
Her father mumbles something about Tansy, from which she deduces that he got Jon Arryn to marry Lysa in return for Tully alliance, which Catelyn sees as a huge wrong even though that seems to be par for the course amongst the Westeros gentry.
She also learns that Robb is injured in battle, but it's only a minor injury. He's probably only lost an arm or a leg, then.
Wednesday 31 October 2018
ASoS 1: Jaime 18
Ooh, a Jaime POV chapter. This should be informative!
The last time we saw Jaime he was being given booze and questioned by a grieving Catelyn who seemed to get exasperated with his answers before telling Brienne to bring her sword, which did not bode well for Jaime.
It turns out that the sword was merely used to threaten him into promising to persuade Tyrion to release Sansa and Arya before releasing him. And so Jaime finds himself on a boat with Brienne and Ser Cleos (who spends his days travelling between King's Landing and Riverrun carrying messages negotiating between Robb and Tyrion) and being chased by Ser Robin Ryger who is under orders of the Castellan of Riverrun to bring Jaime back, dead or alive, since Catelyn presumably didn't clear this scheme with the proper authorities.
There is some good banter, amidst which Jaime uses the tactic of smiling knowingly, because "men will read all sorts of things into a knowing smile, if you let them", which I must remember to find an opportunity to try.
Anyway, Brienne manages to save Jaime with some superhuman feat of scaling a cliff and hurling a boulder at Robin's boat.
And so I am reminded of an essay by John C Wright about how to write female characters. GRRM seems to be trying it all. One thing you can do is write a male character who is physically strong and good at violence and give him a woman's name: Brienne. Another approach is to realise that there is strength in femininity and have your women characters solve problems by way of diplomacy, compromise and reconciliation, which is embodied by Catelyn, who previously tried to get Renly and Stannis to shake hands and is now attempting to break a deadlock by trusting the honour of Jaime Lannister to save her daughters. I actually think there is a chance that might work, or is at least as likely to as any other possible scheme at this point.
Oh, and we now know for certain that Jaime was not behind the knife attack on Bran. He is as confused about that as anyone. It could be Cersei but Jaime thinks that would not quite be in character for her, and he would know. My current pet theory is that it is a friend of Bran's who thought he would be better off dead. Maester Luwin would be a possibility except he's now dead and such a reveal would not be dramatic enough. So which Stark could it have been?
The last time we saw Jaime he was being given booze and questioned by a grieving Catelyn who seemed to get exasperated with his answers before telling Brienne to bring her sword, which did not bode well for Jaime.
It turns out that the sword was merely used to threaten him into promising to persuade Tyrion to release Sansa and Arya before releasing him. And so Jaime finds himself on a boat with Brienne and Ser Cleos (who spends his days travelling between King's Landing and Riverrun carrying messages negotiating between Robb and Tyrion) and being chased by Ser Robin Ryger who is under orders of the Castellan of Riverrun to bring Jaime back, dead or alive, since Catelyn presumably didn't clear this scheme with the proper authorities.
There is some good banter, amidst which Jaime uses the tactic of smiling knowingly, because "men will read all sorts of things into a knowing smile, if you let them", which I must remember to find an opportunity to try.
Anyway, Brienne manages to save Jaime with some superhuman feat of scaling a cliff and hurling a boulder at Robin's boat.
And so I am reminded of an essay by John C Wright about how to write female characters. GRRM seems to be trying it all. One thing you can do is write a male character who is physically strong and good at violence and give him a woman's name: Brienne. Another approach is to realise that there is strength in femininity and have your women characters solve problems by way of diplomacy, compromise and reconciliation, which is embodied by Catelyn, who previously tried to get Renly and Stannis to shake hands and is now attempting to break a deadlock by trusting the honour of Jaime Lannister to save her daughters. I actually think there is a chance that might work, or is at least as likely to as any other possible scheme at this point.
Oh, and we now know for certain that Jaime was not behind the knife attack on Bran. He is as confused about that as anyone. It could be Cersei but Jaime thinks that would not quite be in character for her, and he would know. My current pet theory is that it is a friend of Bran's who thought he would be better off dead. Maester Luwin would be a possibility except he's now dead and such a reveal would not be dramatic enough. So which Stark could it have been?
ASoS Prologue
Former steward to Sam Tarly's boss, animal lover and incel Chett, is organising a rebellion against and escape from the watch on account of he thinks he's on the losing side. He reckons he can do away with old Craster and have his wives and daughters (same people).
In between kicking dogs and taunting Sam Tarly, he makes sure his merry band know who they are supposed to be killing and when, and waits for the third watch. Except it snows, which ruins all his chances of escape because it's really easy to follow people in the snow. So he goes to kill Tarly anyway in what seems like a pointlessly self-destructive act. But he's saved from his foolishness when three blasts of the horn sound and Tarly wakes up. But three blasts means Others, so he might well be dead anyway, and in a much scarier way than he'd expected. So he wets himself.
Ah, that chapter had a little bit of everything. Good to see GRRM is still on form!
In between kicking dogs and taunting Sam Tarly, he makes sure his merry band know who they are supposed to be killing and when, and waits for the third watch. Except it snows, which ruins all his chances of escape because it's really easy to follow people in the snow. So he goes to kill Tarly anyway in what seems like a pointlessly self-destructive act. But he's saved from his foolishness when three blasts of the horn sound and Tarly wakes up. But three blasts means Others, so he might well be dead anyway, and in a much scarier way than he'd expected. So he wets himself.
Ah, that chapter had a little bit of everything. Good to see GRRM is still on form!
Tuesday 23 October 2018
ACoK Summary
The first book, A Game of Thrones, established the world order. King Robert was the king and Ned and his lovely family lived happily at Winterfell and the seven kingdoms were at peace. Then Cersei and Jaime had to fuck everything up by arranging the death of Robert. Everyone was sufficiently suspicious and annoyed by this that they all had different ideas about who should be king. And so instead of working hard in the fields and storing extra food for the upcoming decade-long winter, they decided to burn all the fields and kill all the healthy young men in battles.
When we started out in A Clash of Kings, there were four kings: Joffrey of course; Robb who was declared King in the North; Stannis who probably should be the king, and Renly who seemed to come out of nowhere.
Stannis saw off Renly. The Lannisters saw off Stannis (at least for now; we're not quite sure what happened to him after the battle). Robb won some minor battles but I think he has some big battles still to come.
Meanwhile Sansa no longer has to give Joffrey heirs, but she might have to give him bastards. Arya had a great adventure escaping from King's Landing with Yoren and ending up as Bolton's maid. But Bolton's bastard has burned Winterfell and is presumably ravaging the north in general for some reason or other. Arya has escaped and is now heading for Riverrun.
Theon forsook the Starks and mainly managed to help Bolton's bastard and otherwise spread misery.
Jon went out on a great ranging and discovered quite a lot about what the wildlings are up to, such as that they were searching for something but are now heading south. He's going undercover to find out more. But I'm worried that he'll go so deep undercover that neither he nor anyone else will know if he is wildling or watchman.
Bran had a bit of a go at being lord of Winterfell but ended up on the run and will probably have an adventure a bit like Arya's, as will Osha and Rickon.
The other forces of Winterfell are around somewhere. I expect they will help Robb but I also expect it will be a long time before he gets home.
Catelyn tried to stop Renly and Stannis from fighting but has ended up largely forgotten at Riverrun. All that fending off Tywin Lannister was probably for nothing since they turned up unexpectedly at King's Landing instead. In fact I wonder if the whole Riverrun thing was just a feint.
Jaime Lannister spent the whole book in a dungeon. He was almost rescued by Tyrion; he might have been killed by Catelyn.
Tyrion pretty much ensured the battle at King's Landing was won, but I suspect he won't receive any thanks for it. Everyone is either annoyed about the fires, wants to kill him, or has failed to notice what he has done.
And Dany trekked across the desert, had some adventures, and his now heading back with her dragons and some Dothraki to Westeros, or wherever Ilyrio wants her to go.
This has been the traditionally depressing middle book of the trilogy and I am sure that in the third part, good will prevail over evil and everyone will live happily ever after.
Who will end up on the throne? Arya is sufficiently badass to become the first Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Or it might be Dany. Bran has superpowers that would be very useful for a king, or possibly a hand. Or he might be Varys: The Next Generation. It can't be a Lannister, surely, or else why bother with all these novels? And it had better not be a Greyjoy or a Bolton. Personally I think the best possible king would be Hodor.
When we started out in A Clash of Kings, there were four kings: Joffrey of course; Robb who was declared King in the North; Stannis who probably should be the king, and Renly who seemed to come out of nowhere.
Stannis saw off Renly. The Lannisters saw off Stannis (at least for now; we're not quite sure what happened to him after the battle). Robb won some minor battles but I think he has some big battles still to come.
Meanwhile Sansa no longer has to give Joffrey heirs, but she might have to give him bastards. Arya had a great adventure escaping from King's Landing with Yoren and ending up as Bolton's maid. But Bolton's bastard has burned Winterfell and is presumably ravaging the north in general for some reason or other. Arya has escaped and is now heading for Riverrun.
Theon forsook the Starks and mainly managed to help Bolton's bastard and otherwise spread misery.
Jon went out on a great ranging and discovered quite a lot about what the wildlings are up to, such as that they were searching for something but are now heading south. He's going undercover to find out more. But I'm worried that he'll go so deep undercover that neither he nor anyone else will know if he is wildling or watchman.
Bran had a bit of a go at being lord of Winterfell but ended up on the run and will probably have an adventure a bit like Arya's, as will Osha and Rickon.
The other forces of Winterfell are around somewhere. I expect they will help Robb but I also expect it will be a long time before he gets home.
Catelyn tried to stop Renly and Stannis from fighting but has ended up largely forgotten at Riverrun. All that fending off Tywin Lannister was probably for nothing since they turned up unexpectedly at King's Landing instead. In fact I wonder if the whole Riverrun thing was just a feint.
Jaime Lannister spent the whole book in a dungeon. He was almost rescued by Tyrion; he might have been killed by Catelyn.
Tyrion pretty much ensured the battle at King's Landing was won, but I suspect he won't receive any thanks for it. Everyone is either annoyed about the fires, wants to kill him, or has failed to notice what he has done.
And Dany trekked across the desert, had some adventures, and his now heading back with her dragons and some Dothraki to Westeros, or wherever Ilyrio wants her to go.
This has been the traditionally depressing middle book of the trilogy and I am sure that in the third part, good will prevail over evil and everyone will live happily ever after.
Who will end up on the throne? Arya is sufficiently badass to become the first Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Or it might be Dany. Bran has superpowers that would be very useful for a king, or possibly a hand. Or he might be Varys: The Next Generation. It can't be a Lannister, surely, or else why bother with all these novels? And it had better not be a Greyjoy or a Bolton. Personally I think the best possible king would be Hodor.
ACoK 69: Bran 862
Finally we find out what Bran has been up to all this time: hiding out in the crypt with Osha, Hodor, Rickon, Meera and Jojen. Apparently they just made some false tracks to the woods, send the wolves on to make more tracks (which Theon wasted his afternoon trying to follow before killing the Miller and his family in exasperation) and then doubled back to hide in the last place anyone would look, right underneath Winterfell.
Bran can mind-meld with his wolf at will now, and like a virtual reality addict or a kid who can't stop playing Fortnite, needs to be reminded to eat and go to the toilet. He learns that Winterfell has been burned, so they make their way out of a crypt with a brief dramatic interlude while we find out whether or not Hodor can open door with rocks jammed against it.
We get direct confirmation that it was Bran who helped Jon, though Bran is not sure how and whether he really did that.
Everyone is dead except for Maester Luwin, who advises them to split up just before he dies (with a helping hand from Osha) but is a little unclear on where they should go since war is everywhere. Osha and Rickon head east and along the kingsroad (maybe they will make it to Riverrun), while Bran, Meera and Jojen head north. I'm not sure where they might end up. The wall?
Bran can mind-meld with his wolf at will now, and like a virtual reality addict or a kid who can't stop playing Fortnite, needs to be reminded to eat and go to the toilet. He learns that Winterfell has been burned, so they make their way out of a crypt with a brief dramatic interlude while we find out whether or not Hodor can open door with rocks jammed against it.
We get direct confirmation that it was Bran who helped Jon, though Bran is not sure how and whether he really did that.
Everyone is dead except for Maester Luwin, who advises them to split up just before he dies (with a helping hand from Osha) but is a little unclear on where they should go since war is everywhere. Osha and Rickon head east and along the kingsroad (maybe they will make it to Riverrun), while Bran, Meera and Jojen head north. I'm not sure where they might end up. The wall?
ACoK 68: Jon 850
Everyone is dead except for Jon and Qhorin, who cooks up a scheme to send Jon undercover. They try to escape through caves but that eagle seems to know where they are going and leads the wildlings to them. Sure enough, Jon pretends to yield, and Qhorin orders Jon to kill him to make the whole thing look more realistic. That's some hardcore badassery right there.
The wildlings still might not believe in this defection but Ygritte, the girl Jon freed, is there and she vouches for him.
Jon thinks they might return north to the mountains, but the wildlings are heading south. Those silly kings should have listened to the Night's Watch, I think!
The wildlings still might not believe in this defection but Ygritte, the girl Jon freed, is there and she vouches for him.
Jon thinks they might return north to the mountains, but the wildlings are heading south. Those silly kings should have listened to the Night's Watch, I think!
ACoK 67: Tyrion 840
Tyrion wakes up and finds out that he's injured and no longer the hand. He remembers that Ser Mandon tried to kill him, and finds out that Pod saved him and killed Ser Mandon. Tyrion is suspicious of his sister, who he thinks may have set Mandon on him, and who might yet poison him. I'm not sure Cersei would be that direct. But it's all a mystery for now.
I'm trying to remember who Mandon is. GRRM has a way of making previously minor characters suddenly very important. You have to pay attention...or use the search feature. Sansa noticed Mandon had strange dead eyes back when she was comparing who she'd rather be lead around by; Mandon was the one who was guarding Cersei and whom Tyrion had to overrule to visit her (I'm not sure that would have annoyed him enough to want to kill Tyrion), and on that occasion Tyrion also noticed his lifeless eyes; Mandon was involved in rescuing Joffrey from the crowd on the way back from seeing Myrcella onto a ship; and he rode out of the postern door alongside Tyrion in the final battle.
Hmm, he seems to hang around working for Cersei, but no other clues there, apart from those lifeless eyes, whatever that might mean.
I'm trying to remember who Mandon is. GRRM has a way of making previously minor characters suddenly very important. You have to pay attention...or use the search feature. Sansa noticed Mandon had strange dead eyes back when she was comparing who she'd rather be lead around by; Mandon was the one who was guarding Cersei and whom Tyrion had to overrule to visit her (I'm not sure that would have annoyed him enough to want to kill Tyrion), and on that occasion Tyrion also noticed his lifeless eyes; Mandon was involved in rescuing Joffrey from the crowd on the way back from seeing Myrcella onto a ship; and he rode out of the postern door alongside Tyrion in the final battle.
Hmm, he seems to hang around working for Cersei, but no other clues there, apart from those lifeless eyes, whatever that might mean.
Thursday 18 October 2018
ACoK 66: Theon 827
Oh Theon, you utter nincompoop. The general advice is that he's lost. Various northmen armies are assembling outside the walls and Theon has 17 men to defend Winterfell with. He should probably just surrender, but that would be too easy.
So he threatens to hang Ser Rodrick's only daughter unless he calls off the attack. But Rodrick is duty-bound to attack. What a dilemma. Theon gives him until midnight but it's pretty obvious that whether he hangs the girl or not, he's getting attacked, and since everyone hates him, he's getting killed.
Maester Luwin suggests he take the black, which doesn't seem like a bad idea to Theon. Seems like a bit of an easy escape route to me.
But then, just in the nick of time, Rescue! Rodrick and all his men get attacked by some mystery force bearing the tasteful flayed man banner. I think that is the Boltons' banner. They come through the gate, and we learn that the rescuers are led by none other than...
...Reek. To be honest at this point GRRM is getting a bit predictable: the badder the character, the less likely it is that bad things will happen to them. Theon is pretty bad, therefore he survives thanks to his smelly servant.
Except he's not smelly any more and he has nice armour. That's because he's really the Bastard of Bolton, aka Ramsay Snow, now calling himself Bolton. He was supposed to have been killed for mistreating his wife many chapters back, but it turns out he swapped identities with a servant to escape being hanged. Not the most honourable man is our Ramsay, he won the battle outside Winterfell by pretending to be Rodrick's friend: shook his hand then chopped his arm off.
And here he is being all friendly to Theon, who isn't smart enough to figure it out in time... So that's the problem with being a baddie in ASoIaF: it's no guarantee that good things will happen to you because an even badder baddie might come along at any minute.
So he threatens to hang Ser Rodrick's only daughter unless he calls off the attack. But Rodrick is duty-bound to attack. What a dilemma. Theon gives him until midnight but it's pretty obvious that whether he hangs the girl or not, he's getting attacked, and since everyone hates him, he's getting killed.
Maester Luwin suggests he take the black, which doesn't seem like a bad idea to Theon. Seems like a bit of an easy escape route to me.
But then, just in the nick of time, Rescue! Rodrick and all his men get attacked by some mystery force bearing the tasteful flayed man banner. I think that is the Boltons' banner. They come through the gate, and we learn that the rescuers are led by none other than...
...Reek. To be honest at this point GRRM is getting a bit predictable: the badder the character, the less likely it is that bad things will happen to them. Theon is pretty bad, therefore he survives thanks to his smelly servant.
Except he's not smelly any more and he has nice armour. That's because he's really the Bastard of Bolton, aka Ramsay Snow, now calling himself Bolton. He was supposed to have been killed for mistreating his wife many chapters back, but it turns out he swapped identities with a servant to escape being hanged. Not the most honourable man is our Ramsay, he won the battle outside Winterfell by pretending to be Rodrick's friend: shook his hand then chopped his arm off.
And here he is being all friendly to Theon, who isn't smart enough to figure it out in time... So that's the problem with being a baddie in ASoIaF: it's no guarantee that good things will happen to you because an even badder baddie might come along at any minute.
Wednesday 17 October 2018
ACoK 65: Sansa 817
It occurs to me that Sansa is the only one who hasn't got the memo about Bran and Rickon's "demise". Anyway, she goes to the great hall along with all the other nobility for the great reckoning after the battle, where all the knighthood and lordships are handed out.
The Flower Knight Loras Tyrell becomes a kings guard. Various other people are awarded lands or places on the council.
Ooh, rather importantly, Tywin arrives and takes his place as Hand. I'm not sure what that means for Tyrion, but he's currently out of action with a head injury anyway. There's no mention of Pod.
Ser Garlan Tyrell asks Joffrey to marry his daughter, Margaery (who was previously married to the dead Renly (we still don't know who the new Renly is, and he's not been mentioned so maybe it was all just the ravings of Dontos)). Joffrey pretends to protest that he is betrothed to Sansa but everyone makes excuses for him and he agrees to marry Margaery. Sansa is over the moon at this, but later Dontos points out that Joff probably wants to use her for making bastards anyway. Does Sansa ever learn?
Littlefinger turns up and, for his part in getting the Tyrells onside, is awarded Harrenhal, even though the Lannisters don't actually have it yet to give.
Captives from the battle are given to the chance beg for mercy but one of them has a rant about Joffrey being born from incest and not being the true king. He's so wound up by this he manages to cut himself on the sharp bits of the throne. Which makes him look like not the true king. And crying for mummy in front of everyone is not very regal, either. Oh dear.
Sansa sneaks off to the godswood and Dontos tells her he has planned her escape for the night of Joffrey's wedding, when everyone will be distracted. Which sounds like a half-sensible plan. He also gives her a weird +1 Magical Hairnet of Retribution. Or something.
The Flower Knight Loras Tyrell becomes a kings guard. Various other people are awarded lands or places on the council.
Ooh, rather importantly, Tywin arrives and takes his place as Hand. I'm not sure what that means for Tyrion, but he's currently out of action with a head injury anyway. There's no mention of Pod.
Ser Garlan Tyrell asks Joffrey to marry his daughter, Margaery (who was previously married to the dead Renly (we still don't know who the new Renly is, and he's not been mentioned so maybe it was all just the ravings of Dontos)). Joffrey pretends to protest that he is betrothed to Sansa but everyone makes excuses for him and he agrees to marry Margaery. Sansa is over the moon at this, but later Dontos points out that Joff probably wants to use her for making bastards anyway. Does Sansa ever learn?
Littlefinger turns up and, for his part in getting the Tyrells onside, is awarded Harrenhal, even though the Lannisters don't actually have it yet to give.
Captives from the battle are given to the chance beg for mercy but one of them has a rant about Joffrey being born from incest and not being the true king. He's so wound up by this he manages to cut himself on the sharp bits of the throne. Which makes him look like not the true king. And crying for mummy in front of everyone is not very regal, either. Oh dear.
Sansa sneaks off to the godswood and Dontos tells her he has planned her escape for the night of Joffrey's wedding, when everyone will be distracted. Which sounds like a half-sensible plan. He also gives her a weird +1 Magical Hairnet of Retribution. Or something.
ACoK 64: Arya 800
Arya overhears the rumour that Rickon and Bran are dead, though she doesn't completely believe it. Also she is not being treated with any respect by Roose Bolton, who doesn't like servants talking to him. And she has to pull blood-filled leaches from his naked body and empty his chamber pot, but she doesn't seem too bothered by that.
But she resolves to escape, and with more audacity than planning, manages to enlist Gendry and Hot Pie in the middle of the night and make off with three horses, some stolen swords, a map and a dagger. I'm thinking this would make a good board game: Escape from Harrenhal.
She does have to kill a guard in cold blood. She doesn't think too much of it beyond the annoyance of (literal) blood on her hands. The rain will wash it off, so that's okay then.
But she resolves to escape, and with more audacity than planning, manages to enlist Gendry and Hot Pie in the middle of the night and make off with three horses, some stolen swords, a map and a dagger. I'm thinking this would make a good board game: Escape from Harrenhal.
She does have to kill a guard in cold blood. She doesn't think too much of it beyond the annoyance of (literal) blood on her hands. The rain will wash it off, so that's okay then.
ACoK 63: Daenerys 786
Dany's dragon has burnt down the warlocks' house of the undying, and she's not going to let Xaro have one of her dragons, so her welcome is wearing thin. She heads out to the docks to see if she can rent a boat to get her and her followers to Westeros.
She's left her dragons at Xaro's house under the protection of a single blood rider. I'm not quite sure why Xaro wouldn't arrange to have a dragon go missing at this point. In fact I'm a bit worried about that.
But Dany doesn't seem concerned. She has other worries: an assassin hands her a scarab in a box, which she just opens unsuspectingly, and she is only saved by two strange men who have been following her. It turns out that they have been sent by Magister Illyrio to bring her back. And he has sent three ships, so there is plenty of room for everyone. It seems almost too easy...
She's left her dragons at Xaro's house under the protection of a single blood rider. I'm not quite sure why Xaro wouldn't arrange to have a dragon go missing at this point. In fact I'm a bit worried about that.
But Dany doesn't seem concerned. She has other worries: an assassin hands her a scarab in a box, which she just opens unsuspectingly, and she is only saved by two strange men who have been following her. It turns out that they have been sent by Magister Illyrio to bring her back. And he has sent three ships, so there is plenty of room for everyone. It seems almost too easy...
ACoK 62: Sansa 778
And we're back at the party again. We get the news that the battle is lost. Cersei has a hissy fit about the whereabouts of her son and storms off. It seems Joffrey's retreat hasn't helped matters. There are riots. It's probably all Cersei's fault. Sansa stays behind to help out a bit, then goes to her room to find the Hound waiting. He's pretty pissed off at Tyrion and is planning to do a runner, but first he wants a song. Sansa gives him a literal song, and he seems happy with that and leaves.
Sansa wakes up to be told by Dontos that they've won the battle after all. Tywin helped, and somehow so did Renly. Perhaps it is Renly's heir, the boy the Castellan of his castle would not release.
Sansa wakes up to be told by Dontos that they've won the battle after all. Tywin helped, and somehow so did Renly. Perhaps it is Renly's heir, the boy the Castellan of his castle would not release.
ACoK 61: Tyrion 770
Tyrion leads his small troop against the battering ram. Pod rides alongside him. There is a lot of killing. Tyrion does pretty well. He gets battle fever. There is blood everywhere!
Then it turns out all the wrecked ships have made a bridge and Stannis' men are crossing. So Tyrion dives striaght in there. He comes off his horse, ends up on one of the ships. It's raining Antler Men and rocks. The ships break apart. Ser Mancell or tries to kill Tyrion. But he is rescued by...Pod. The boy doesn't say much but he's not a bad fighter, it seems.
All in all not a bad battle scene.
Then it turns out all the wrecked ships have made a bridge and Stannis' men are crossing. So Tyrion dives striaght in there. He comes off his horse, ends up on one of the ships. It's raining Antler Men and rocks. The ships break apart. Ser Mancell or tries to kill Tyrion. But he is rescued by...Pod. The boy doesn't say much but he's not a bad fighter, it seems.
All in all not a bad battle scene.
ACoK 60: Sansa 763
Sansa is still hanging out at Westeros' worst dinner party. Cersei is drinking too much and becoming more of a dick as the evening wears on. They learn that the battering ram has made it to the gates and Tyrion is leading a sortie to stop that. Cersei thinks this is a sure sign that they are about to lose. They also learn about Joffrey launcing Antler Men across the river. Cersei wants him brought home to safety.
She drops the advice that making sure your people fear you more than the enemy is the key to their loyalty. That hasn't worked out so well so far: they'd possibly have more troops if Lannister was a banner people wanted to flock to. I do wonder if, when Cersei tells a Kettleblack to shoot some merchants who are asking for shelter, that's going to cause a riot and add to her troubles.
Cersei ends up reduced to complaining about the patriarchy.
Finally, she drops the bombshell that if the city is breached she means to have Ser Ilyn Payne chop of her and Sansa's heads to keep them from being taken alive. Gulp.
She drops the advice that making sure your people fear you more than the enemy is the key to their loyalty. That hasn't worked out so well so far: they'd possibly have more troops if Lannister was a banner people wanted to flock to. I do wonder if, when Cersei tells a Kettleblack to shoot some merchants who are asking for shelter, that's going to cause a riot and add to her troubles.
Cersei ends up reduced to complaining about the patriarchy.
Finally, she drops the bombshell that if the city is breached she means to have Ser Ilyn Payne chop of her and Sansa's heads to keep them from being taken alive. Gulp.
Friday 12 October 2018
ACoK 59: Tyrion 756
Tyrion observes the battle from the wall. It's great that the ships are burning, but they're not *all* burning, and at some point Stannis is going to regroup. He needs the battle to keep going well because his men aren't loyal enough to stick around if it looks like it might go pear shaped.
Some men from the ships start swimming ashore (the ones with no armour at least; the ones with armour have sunk). Tyrion dispatches troops to get them while they're still drying themselves off.
Joffrey is hanging about and whining that his toy ships are broken, and can he play with his toy trebuchets. He's planning to launch toy soldiers with them. Except they're real trebuchets and real men (the traitorous Antler Men).
Tyrion leaves him to it and goes to see what he can do about a battering ram at the gates to the city. He meets the Hound, who is a bit pissed off at having wildfire sent in his direction. I guess this is what happens when you haven't quite mastered the art of firing your artillery over the top of your own troops. Still, it took people on Earth until WWI to invent the creeping barrage...
There's almost a bit of a mutiny when the Hound refuses to fight any more. But Tyrion points out he's just a half-man and he's going to fight, and some of the men would rather die than be embarassed. So off they go to sneak out of a side-door and attack the guys with the battering ram.
Some men from the ships start swimming ashore (the ones with no armour at least; the ones with armour have sunk). Tyrion dispatches troops to get them while they're still drying themselves off.
Joffrey is hanging about and whining that his toy ships are broken, and can he play with his toy trebuchets. He's planning to launch toy soldiers with them. Except they're real trebuchets and real men (the traitorous Antler Men).
Tyrion leaves him to it and goes to see what he can do about a battering ram at the gates to the city. He meets the Hound, who is a bit pissed off at having wildfire sent in his direction. I guess this is what happens when you haven't quite mastered the art of firing your artillery over the top of your own troops. Still, it took people on Earth until WWI to invent the creeping barrage...
There's almost a bit of a mutiny when the Hound refuses to fight any more. But Tyrion points out he's just a half-man and he's going to fight, and some of the men would rather die than be embarassed. So off they go to sneak out of a side-door and attack the guys with the battering ram.
ACoK 58: Davos 740
Stannis is sailing all 200 of his ships into the river by Kings Landing. Davos is commanding one in the second row. He's a bit worried about the strategy of sailing up the river. It's at this point that I realise what Tyrion's chain is for. Seems like a perfect way to trap some ships in a river while raining wildfire down on them.
And no, I'm not clever for figuring it out, it's just that GRRM does seem good at setting out the logic of the strategy. This is not a book where the plot is driven solely by characters making stupid mistakes and self-destructive decisions (though there is some of that). A lot of the plot does seem to be driven by the logic of strategies at play.
Anyway, Davos figures it out about two paragraphs after I do, and sure enough the chain comes up, the ships burn from wildfire hurled at them with trebuchets, and Davos is plunged into the water and swept downstream towards the chain and a lot of burning ships. Cue ad break.
ACoK 57: Sansa 733
The battle is starting. Joffrey makes Sansa kiss his sword and she tells him her brother is cooler than him because he's a man grown and Joffrey is just a stupid little kid. Then she goes off to pray for everyone except Joffrey.
Now all the women and children are hiding in a hall in an inner castle with Queen Cersei. Cersei is full of cheery advice, like how Sansa had better get ready for some hardcore city-sacking.
Now all the women and children are hiding in a hall in an inner castle with Queen Cersei. Cersei is full of cheery advice, like how Sansa had better get ready for some hardcore city-sacking.
Wednesday 10 October 2018
ACoK 56: Theon 723
Wow. What a chapter. By the way, in case it somehow isn't obvious, or if you're somehow reading this by mistake before you know what happens to Bran and Rickon, stop reading now! I'm going to SPOIL the chapter!
So it was finally confirmed. Theon is having nightmares about wolves with children's heads because of the terrible things he did at the mill. Mostly I just feel bad because of what a terrible place Westeros is, and those poor innocent children getting beheaded. Everyone hates Theon, and they should, because Bran and Rickon's heads are on spikes. It's all just too depressing.
Asha turns up and lays out exactly why Theon is such a dick, and such a moron. He's done all this damage, murdered children and a bunch of other people, everyone hates him, he's completely surrounded by enemies, he didn't think about how he's going to hold on to the place and it's not even strategically useful to the Ironmen since it's nowhere near the sea. Asha even mocks his crown.
Still, Theon has the last laugh because those children's heads belong to the miller's kids. Wait, what?
So, rewind a little. At the end of the last Theon chapter, he finds he has Bran's wolf brooch in a bag. And the idea he gets (edit: no; on a re-read I see that it's Reek who gives him the idea) isn't where Bran might be, but that now he has what he needs to fool people into thinking that he found and killed the children! Genius plan! Everyone will now hate him, but at least his sister Asha won't think that he's a complete idiot. Except she thinks that anyway. So what has he achieved?
I'm pretty relieved though. I was feeling really bad about poor Bran and little Rickon. I mean, I suppose I should feel bad about the similarly aged miller's boys; things haven't turned out well for them. But I don't know them, so it doesn't feel so bad.
So it was finally confirmed. Theon is having nightmares about wolves with children's heads because of the terrible things he did at the mill. Mostly I just feel bad because of what a terrible place Westeros is, and those poor innocent children getting beheaded. Everyone hates Theon, and they should, because Bran and Rickon's heads are on spikes. It's all just too depressing.
Asha turns up and lays out exactly why Theon is such a dick, and such a moron. He's done all this damage, murdered children and a bunch of other people, everyone hates him, he's completely surrounded by enemies, he didn't think about how he's going to hold on to the place and it's not even strategically useful to the Ironmen since it's nowhere near the sea. Asha even mocks his crown.
Still, Theon has the last laugh because those children's heads belong to the miller's kids. Wait, what?
So, rewind a little. At the end of the last Theon chapter, he finds he has Bran's wolf brooch in a bag. And the idea he gets (edit: no; on a re-read I see that it's Reek who gives him the idea) isn't where Bran might be, but that now he has what he needs to fool people into thinking that he found and killed the children! Genius plan! Everyone will now hate him, but at least his sister Asha won't think that he's a complete idiot. Except she thinks that anyway. So what has he achieved?
I'm pretty relieved though. I was feeling really bad about poor Bran and little Rickon. I mean, I suppose I should feel bad about the similarly aged miller's boys; things haven't turned out well for them. But I don't know them, so it doesn't feel so bad.
ACoK 55: Catelyn 708
Everyone at Riverrun is still celebrating their victories but Catelyn has found out that Bran and Rickon are dead. She's pretty unhappy about it. She goes to see Jaime in the dungeon and swaps answers with him. She learns that all Cersei's children are Jaime's and that he pushed Bran out of the window (Jaime doesn't seem to care what she knows, at this point).
We also find out just how mad King Aerys killed Brandon and Rickard (Ned's dad and brother who Catelyn was originally going to marry). It's about as nasty has having molten gold on your head, and something out of one of those Saw movies. Brandon is being roasted and a device is set up so that Rickard strangles himself trying to save his son. I reckon Jaime deserves some slack for breaking his oath and killing Aerys after that, to be honest.
Cersei wants to kill Jaime for murdering Bran, but manages to restrain herself for the sake of her hostage daughters. But when Jaime starts mocking her about Jon Snow, *that* is too much, and she asks for Brienne's sword.
So Cersei is, presumably, about to kill Jaime herself, Stark style. Which is madness because it's unlikely to end well for Sansa. At this point I'm half-expecting Bran and Rickon to turn up alive after all, since so far we have only heard second-hand reports of their deaths, and it would make for some epic tragedy. A Theon chapter is next so we don't have long to wait to find out.
We also find out just how mad King Aerys killed Brandon and Rickard (Ned's dad and brother who Catelyn was originally going to marry). It's about as nasty has having molten gold on your head, and something out of one of those Saw movies. Brandon is being roasted and a device is set up so that Rickard strangles himself trying to save his son. I reckon Jaime deserves some slack for breaking his oath and killing Aerys after that, to be honest.
Cersei wants to kill Jaime for murdering Bran, but manages to restrain herself for the sake of her hostage daughters. But when Jaime starts mocking her about Jon Snow, *that* is too much, and she asks for Brienne's sword.
So Cersei is, presumably, about to kill Jaime herself, Stark style. Which is madness because it's unlikely to end well for Sansa. At this point I'm half-expecting Bran and Rickon to turn up alive after all, since so far we have only heard second-hand reports of their deaths, and it would make for some epic tragedy. A Theon chapter is next so we don't have long to wait to find out.
ACoK 54: Tyrion 698
Tyrion learns that Bran and Rickon were killed by Theon. Is this really how were are going to learn about a POV character's death? Tyrion is slightly taken aback by the news but otherwise it is all so matter-of-fact.
He goes to give the news to Cersei and have dinner with her. GRRM's menus always sound good. I wonder if anyone has written a cookbook based on them. I bet they have.
Cersei seems nonplussed by the death of Catelyn's kids; she's mainly worried about Jaime and wants to make sure that Sansa is well looked-after. Then she springs her trap on Tyrion: she has captured his prostitute girlfriend! Tyrion is a bit worried about this, but luckily it turns out Cersei has the wrong prostitute. He threatens Tommen to keep Cersei in line and she seems cowed for now. Tyrion realises he's had a bit of a close shave: possibly he will learn some lessons. Hard to say who will get the last laugh.
He goes to give the news to Cersei and have dinner with her. GRRM's menus always sound good. I wonder if anyone has written a cookbook based on them. I bet they have.
Cersei seems nonplussed by the death of Catelyn's kids; she's mainly worried about Jaime and wants to make sure that Sansa is well looked-after. Then she springs her trap on Tyrion: she has captured his prostitute girlfriend! Tyrion is a bit worried about this, but luckily it turns out Cersei has the wrong prostitute. He threatens Tommen to keep Cersei in line and she seems cowed for now. Tyrion realises he's had a bit of a close shave: possibly he will learn some lessons. Hard to say who will get the last laugh.
Monday 8 October 2018
ACoK 53: Jon 689
Halfhand, Jon and company move north through the mountains. Halfhand knows Jon didn't kill the wildling girl, but he doesn't care because he only wanted to test Jon to learn what sort of person he is. If he'd really wanted her dead he'd have asked someone else to do it.
Jon goes to sleep and dreams he is Ghost. He climbs to the top of a ridge and sees Mance Rayder's camp and its exact location. He wakes up and tells everyone and they all believe him and use this intelligence to decide it's time to go home. There is further proof in that Ghost really has been injured by an eagle, just as in the dream.
Now, this all seems a bit unfair to me. To get his super powers, poor Bran had to fall off a building, get crippled, endure months of apparently meaningless nightmares, more months of confusion, and have the deaths of his friends predicted, his predictions disbelieved and finally confirmed before it became clear that the dreams were meaningful. Jon has one good nap, gets all the good information, and is able to make use of it in about three pages. And he still has the use of both his legs. Where's the justice?
Also in this chapter we are introduced to a new character who gets left behind on a mountain to martyr himself attempting to delay the company's hundreds of pursuers with a single bow.
Jon goes to sleep and dreams he is Ghost. He climbs to the top of a ridge and sees Mance Rayder's camp and its exact location. He wakes up and tells everyone and they all believe him and use this intelligence to decide it's time to go home. There is further proof in that Ghost really has been injured by an eagle, just as in the dream.
Now, this all seems a bit unfair to me. To get his super powers, poor Bran had to fall off a building, get crippled, endure months of apparently meaningless nightmares, more months of confusion, and have the deaths of his friends predicted, his predictions disbelieved and finally confirmed before it became clear that the dreams were meaningful. Jon has one good nap, gets all the good information, and is able to make use of it in about three pages. And he still has the use of both his legs. Where's the justice?
Also in this chapter we are introduced to a new character who gets left behind on a mountain to martyr himself attempting to delay the company's hundreds of pursuers with a single bow.
ACoK 52: Sansa 678
Sansa goes up to the tower to look through the smoke for signs of Stannis' approaching army. She gets hassled by the Hound again. Then she visits Dontos in the godswood, who is drunk and wants a kiss. And also isn't going to be able to get her out of the city for ages. Probably until after the war, if you ask me. We also learn that there are limits to what Stannis can achieve by land because of the river and he could really do with more ships which won't arrive for a long time.
Then Sansa goes to bed, has terrible dreams, and wakes up to discover she's had her first "flowering". She tries to burn the evidence but gets caught in the act. Interestingly she pretends to Cersei to be more naive than she really is, claiming she was scared of the blood and expected it to be more magical, when in fact she's just scared of having to marry Joffrey. Cersei seems to buy that line, even if she sees straight through the lie that Sansa loves Joffrey with all her heart.
What if Sansa is going to get smarter without anyone noticing, and then take them all by surprise later on? Another clue to this might be Dontos pointing out that nobody pays lady Tanda's daughter any attention because she is too stupid. For that matter, is Tanda's daughter up to something?
Addendum: when Sansa got blood in the sink, she realised the maid would see it and her secret would be given away. She couldn't empty the sink because she doesn't have indoor plumbing. Let that sink in (yes, I know). She's the 1%; the nobility; and she doesn't have plumbing. That's how impoverished Westeros is.
Then Sansa goes to bed, has terrible dreams, and wakes up to discover she's had her first "flowering". She tries to burn the evidence but gets caught in the act. Interestingly she pretends to Cersei to be more naive than she really is, claiming she was scared of the blood and expected it to be more magical, when in fact she's just scared of having to marry Joffrey. Cersei seems to buy that line, even if she sees straight through the lie that Sansa loves Joffrey with all her heart.
What if Sansa is going to get smarter without anyone noticing, and then take them all by surprise later on? Another clue to this might be Dontos pointing out that nobody pays lady Tanda's daughter any attention because she is too stupid. For that matter, is Tanda's daughter up to something?
Addendum: when Sansa got blood in the sink, she realised the maid would see it and her secret would be given away. She couldn't empty the sink because she doesn't have indoor plumbing. Let that sink in (yes, I know). She's the 1%; the nobility; and she doesn't have plumbing. That's how impoverished Westeros is.
Friday 5 October 2018
ACoK 51: Jon 665
Jon is exploring the mountains, looking for Mance Rayder with the Halfhand and Stonesnake. They spot a fire up on a mountain pass. Jon and Stonesnake climb up and attack the camp. One of the wildlings is a girl and Jon, being a big softy, takes her captive.
She tells a pretty awesome story of an old wildling king who, insulted by the then Lord Brandon Stark (but we don't know which one or how long ago), snuck into Winterfell and pretended to be a singer. He wooed Stark's only daughter and she bore him a son. Years later, in a battle, the son killed his father, not knowing it was his father. He took the head back on a spear and his mother saw and hurled herself off a tower in grief. All of which is an excellent tragedy, and if true leaves the current generation of Starks descended from wildlings.
Halfhand rejoins and points out they can't look after prisoners. He leaves Jon to kill her. But he's still a softy, and frankly if you ask me it wouldn't be very Stark-like to kill a prisoner in cold blood, so he let's her go. Like most good deeds in Westeros I'm sure this one won't go unpunished.
She tells a pretty awesome story of an old wildling king who, insulted by the then Lord Brandon Stark (but we don't know which one or how long ago), snuck into Winterfell and pretended to be a singer. He wooed Stark's only daughter and she bore him a son. Years later, in a battle, the son killed his father, not knowing it was his father. He took the head back on a spear and his mother saw and hurled herself off a tower in grief. All of which is an excellent tragedy, and if true leaves the current generation of Starks descended from wildlings.
Halfhand rejoins and points out they can't look after prisoners. He leaves Jon to kill her. But he's still a softy, and frankly if you ask me it wouldn't be very Stark-like to kill a prisoner in cold blood, so he let's her go. Like most good deeds in Westeros I'm sure this one won't go unpunished.
Wednesday 3 October 2018
ACoK 50: Theon 650
Theon has captured Winterfell with only 30 men, which is a bit of a precarious situation. So naturally he spends the night shagging while his 12 year old ward sleeps at the foot of his bed, as you do. So he misses the escape of the Stark boys, and Jojen and his sister, aided by Osha and Hodor.
Osha, I take it all back. All is forgiven, I was wrong, the Starks are clearly better judges of character than me.
Theon knows that without the Starks as captives it will be easy for the northern lords to re-take Winterfell. But he's mainly worried about looking like an idiot in front of his sister. Again.
He plays good cop bad cop with the small-folk and wonders why they hate him. He's basically Joffrey but with less self-confidence. Anyway, he spends all day running around following trails to nowhere and then Reek shows him a wolf brooch in a bag and suddenly he knows just where to look. But we'll have to wait for another chapter to find out what that's all about.
Osha, I take it all back. All is forgiven, I was wrong, the Starks are clearly better judges of character than me.
Theon knows that without the Starks as captives it will be easy for the northern lords to re-take Winterfell. But he's mainly worried about looking like an idiot in front of his sister. Again.
He plays good cop bad cop with the small-folk and wonders why they hate him. He's basically Joffrey but with less self-confidence. Anyway, he spends all day running around following trails to nowhere and then Reek shows him a wolf brooch in a bag and suddenly he knows just where to look. But we'll have to wait for another chapter to find out what that's all about.
ACok 49: Tyrion 640
Tyrion is sending all his mountain men into the woods to do guerrilla warfare against his enemies; presumably Stannis's approaching men. He's getting the city ready for a battle and gets Bronn to burn the structures that have been built against the outside of the walls.
Production of gunpowder is up, since the magic spells used to make it are better, since there are now dragons in the world again.
Tyrion has learned about Theon taking over Winterfell and even he is taken aback by it.
The complicated plan to get Jacelyn Bywater to look after Tommen seems to have worked out.
Salloreon and assorted merchants calling themselves Antler Men are plotting to help Stannis take over.
So ends another day in the plotting and scheming of Tyrion, and I still don't know what that chain is for.
Production of gunpowder is up, since the magic spells used to make it are better, since there are now dragons in the world again.
Tyrion has learned about Theon taking over Winterfell and even he is taken aback by it.
The complicated plan to get Jacelyn Bywater to look after Tommen seems to have worked out.
Salloreon and assorted merchants calling themselves Antler Men are plotting to help Stannis take over.
So ends another day in the plotting and scheming of Tyrion, and I still don't know what that chain is for.
ACoK 48: Daenerys 628
Dany goes to see Pyat Pree and the House of the Undying Ones. The whole place seems dodgy as hell, Dany has to go in alone and it is said that people go in and never go out. All her friends tell her it's a really bad idea. So, obviously, in she goes.
She has to keep turning right, which is impossible. But she does it anyway. The House of the Undying Ones is like the inside of the Tardis. Doors open and weird things happen inside that are presumably symbolic of something or other, but I can never work stuff like that out. I'm pretty sure the guy with the wolf's head represents some Stark or other, but that's about it.
Eventually Dany gets to chat with the Undying Ones themselves, fat lot of good that they are. They whisper in riddles, show her more visions and try to attack her. She escapes, only to be attacked with a knife by Pyat Pree who gets whipped by Jhogo.
Probably if you Google it you'll find thousands of theories about what the stuff in this chapter meant, but I'll wait until I've finished all the books before doing that, because spoilers.
She has to keep turning right, which is impossible. But she does it anyway. The House of the Undying Ones is like the inside of the Tardis. Doors open and weird things happen inside that are presumably symbolic of something or other, but I can never work stuff like that out. I'm pretty sure the guy with the wolf's head represents some Stark or other, but that's about it.
Eventually Dany gets to chat with the Undying Ones themselves, fat lot of good that they are. They whisper in riddles, show her more visions and try to attack her. She escapes, only to be attacked with a knife by Pyat Pree who gets whipped by Jhogo.
Probably if you Google it you'll find thousands of theories about what the stuff in this chapter meant, but I'll wait until I've finished all the books before doing that, because spoilers.
Monday 1 October 2018
ACoK 47: Arya 609
Arya is filching tarts from Hot Pie when Vargo Hoat comes back with prisoners, and they're Roose Bolton's men. This is a bit of a worry, so when she sees Jaqen next she asks him to help her free the prisoners so they can take over Harrenhal. Pretty impressive for a ten-year-old.
He says no, so Arya asks him to kill himself as her third wish. He hesitates and she says if he helps her then she'll change the name. This is a stunning bit of chutzpah. Arya really is playing with fire: here's a sorcerer who can make dogs chew men's faces off and she's tricked him into doing her bidding. Which is bound to piss him off and once his debt is repaid he'll be presumably free to put a hex on Arya for her cheek.
For now it works, though, and Jaqen has Arya order a vat of hot broth from the kitchen which Jaqen and his men pour over the guards, freeing the prisoners. But it turns out that Vargo Hoat was working with the Roose Bolton all along. The prisoners aren't prisoners at all, they're not injured. Bolton duly takes over the castle.
All of which leaves me wondering what Arya has achieved, save using up he last wish and being promoted to Bolton's personal wine-pourer. I'm not quite sure why she hasn't revealed her true identity to Bolton, but going home to Winterfell might not be a great idea right now anyway.
Jaqen changes his appearance in front of Arya's eyes before making his getaway (and giving her a secret coin and secret password to find him again). The list of characters who have directly witnessed magic happening is growing.
He says no, so Arya asks him to kill himself as her third wish. He hesitates and she says if he helps her then she'll change the name. This is a stunning bit of chutzpah. Arya really is playing with fire: here's a sorcerer who can make dogs chew men's faces off and she's tricked him into doing her bidding. Which is bound to piss him off and once his debt is repaid he'll be presumably free to put a hex on Arya for her cheek.
For now it works, though, and Jaqen has Arya order a vat of hot broth from the kitchen which Jaqen and his men pour over the guards, freeing the prisoners. But it turns out that Vargo Hoat was working with the Roose Bolton all along. The prisoners aren't prisoners at all, they're not injured. Bolton duly takes over the castle.
All of which leaves me wondering what Arya has achieved, save using up he last wish and being promoted to Bolton's personal wine-pourer. I'm not quite sure why she hasn't revealed her true identity to Bolton, but going home to Winterfell might not be a great idea right now anyway.
Jaqen changes his appearance in front of Arya's eyes before making his getaway (and giving her a secret coin and secret password to find him again). The list of characters who have directly witnessed magic happening is growing.
ACoK 46: Bran 599
Hard to believe, but Theon's plan seems to be working so far. Ser Rodrick has gone off to the rescue of Torrhen's Square and Theon has been able to take over Winterfell with a handful of thugs. He's forced Bran to yield, but the smallfolk can see through it. The blacksmith, Mikken, refuses to yield and gets a spear through the neck for his trouble. Even poor Hodor gets a beating. Theon is going for the Joffrey style of rule, and I can't see it working out any better for him. Theon wasn't there at the end of AGoT when all the lords were getting excited about Robb being the King in the North. I'm sure they'll help him re-take Winterfell at their earliest convenience.
Osha has joined with Theon. Either she's up to something clever, I'm about to get payoff for thinking the Starks are mad for keeping her around in the first place.
Osha has joined with Theon. Either she's up to something clever, I'm about to get payoff for thinking the Starks are mad for keeping her around in the first place.
Sunday 30 September 2018
ACoK 45: Catelyn 587
Edmure sets off to defend the river crossings. Catelyn watches from the towers of the castle as he wins a few battles. He even beats GREGOR who gets a few arrows stuck in him. Riverrun really is well defended by these rivers.
Catelyn has a chat with Cleos Frey who is locked up since the attempted rescue of Jaime. Frey doesn't seem to know much but Catelyn is starting to get the idea that something is going on with Arya. I'm trying to remember is Frey was there when Joffrey had Sansa beaten: if so he's keeping quiet about it. But maybe not: even Joffrey isn't that stupid, surely.
The people at Riverrun are happy about Edumure's victories but Catelyn is not so sure.
Catelyn has a chat with Cleos Frey who is locked up since the attempted rescue of Jaime. Frey doesn't seem to know much but Catelyn is starting to get the idea that something is going on with Arya. I'm trying to remember is Frey was there when Joffrey had Sansa beaten: if so he's keeping quiet about it. But maybe not: even Joffrey isn't that stupid, surely.
The people at Riverrun are happy about Edumure's victories but Catelyn is not so sure.
ACoK 44: Tyrion 573
Cersei is having Tommen sent with Lord Gyles to Lord Gyles' castle, so Tyrion plans to intercept him and have Jacelyn Bywater take him there instead, and take over the castle as well. To what end, I have no idea.
Tyrion is getting careless and is far too in love with his prostitute, Shae. He plans to hide her in the kitchens in the castle because it's safer than her manse. I'm not sure he should keep her so close seeing how he loses 50 IQ points when she's nearby. She's a bit miffed at the idea of having to do actual work; I'm not sure long she'll stick around for that. At least Varys has the better idea of giving her a better station, as Lollys' maid.
Tyrion also learns that Penrose is dead and Varys uses some Scooby Doo logic to figure out that Stannis is using magic. We also get the awful back story of how Varys became a eunuch. I almost feel sorry for him, as does Tyrion. He is awfully clever, though. He seems to have figured out Edumure's plan to trap Tywin. Littlefinger is still missing; he must be up to something.
Tyrion is getting careless and is far too in love with his prostitute, Shae. He plans to hide her in the kitchens in the castle because it's safer than her manse. I'm not sure he should keep her so close seeing how he loses 50 IQ points when she's nearby. She's a bit miffed at the idea of having to do actual work; I'm not sure long she'll stick around for that. At least Varys has the better idea of giving her a better station, as Lollys' maid.
Tyrion also learns that Penrose is dead and Varys uses some Scooby Doo logic to figure out that Stannis is using magic. We also get the awful back story of how Varys became a eunuch. I almost feel sorry for him, as does Tyrion. He is awfully clever, though. He seems to have figured out Edumure's plan to trap Tywin. Littlefinger is still missing; he must be up to something.
Saturday 29 September 2018
ACoK 43: Jon 564
Jon wakes to the sound of horns blowing on top of the hill up beyond the wall, but it’s only Qhorin the Halfhand from the Shadow Tower returning from his scouting mission. Qhorin is another tough guy who responded to having most of his hand cut off by shoving the bloody stump in his attacker’s face to blind him and then kill him. He’s not to be messed with. A three way fight between him and GREGOR and the Greatjon would be fun to watch.
Anyway he’s killed Alfwyn Crowkiller and managed to find out that Mance Rayder is up in the mountains looking for an ancient magical artefact so he can smash the wall with sorcery. He wants to go and scout out the mountains to find out more, and he’s taking Jon Snow (or more accurately Jon Snow’s wolf, which he seems pretty interested in) with him.
ACoK 42: Davos 546
Stannis parleys with Cortnay Penrose, the castellan in charge of Storm’s End who won’t give up because even though he is besieged and outnumbered he won’t hand over Robert’s bastard son Edric Storm to Stannis. I have no idea what that is about.
Stannis is looking a bit old and haggard and has been having nightmares about murdering Renly, probably because he actually did murder him with Melisandre’s sorcery. We already know from Dany’s experiences that sorcery doesn’t come cheap, so it’s obviously this that’s taking its toll. Stannis does feel a bit guilty about dream-slaying his brother. He says, “I will go to my grave thinking of my brother’s peach.” Aw, how sweet!
Davos suggests going to attack King’s Landing straight away, since Tywin is distracted and heading for Lannisport. And we know (but Stannis probably doesn’t) that there aren’t many ships there, either, so it’s good advice. But Stannis isn’t going for it because leaving Storm’s End without winning would be a sign of weakness.
But not to worry, the woman in red Melisandre reckons the Lord of Light says Penrose won’t last the night, and with him dead the stripling Lord Meadows would be in charge of the castle and he’ll likely give in to Stannis.
Davos finds this all highly weird, and he’s right to worry: he ends up taking Melisandre to a secret tunnel under the castle where she… er... conjures a shadow assassin to slip through the portcullis and murder Penrose. Davos recognises Stannis’ shadow, too. Probably Stannis will look even more under the weather next time we see him.
Thursday 27 September 2018
ACoK 41: Tyrion 531
It was all going so well for Tyrion. Now he has a bad day. They're shipping Myrcella off to Dorne via the free city of Braavos because by being under the protection of a free city she'll be safer from Stannis. I can't help thinking that something might go wrong, there. If all goes well Myrcella will be betrothed and the co-operation of the Dornish will be secured. I hope it's worth it.
Anyway the royal parade from the docks to the castle doesn't go well. The crowd get agitated because they've been starving since the Lannisters were in charge. Joffrey's parentage is called into question, dung is thrown, Joff tells the Hound to get violent, and things turn nasty. The king escapes the crowd but not a good telling off and a kicking from Tyrion. Somehow Tyrion escapes a slapping from Cersei over this. Then they notice Sansa is missing! If she gets killed by the crowd the balance of hostages will be out of whack and it'll be curtains for Jaime. Luckily the Hound (also missing, presumed dead) finds her and rescues her (he must *really* like her -- I wonder if he will eventually turn on Joffrey). She's mainly upset about seeing someone's arm get chopped off.
No-one seems to care about Lady Tanda's daugter Lollys who is also missing, but she eventually does get found alive having had an unpleasant evening.
Rioting continues. There's only so much the city watch can do: their new recruits aren't of high quality and head of the watch Ser Jacelyn Bywater has fun telling Tyrion just how unpopular he is with the commoners. Tyrion is understandably a bit hurt, seeing as he's the only Lannister who has done anything to help them.
By the way, Littlefinger hasn't been seen since he went off to organise a marriage between Joffrey and a Tyrell at Bitterbridge. Tyrion wins his own chapter with this thought: "If I was Mace Tyrell, I would sooner have Joffrey's head on a pike than his cock in my daughter." Oh, and Tyrion is paying Cersei's new men (led by some chap called Kettleblack) more than Cersei is.
Overall things aren't looking good for the Lannisters. They need to get the war over with soon before they are ousted in a bloody revolution. But not too soon becuase they don't have any ships and Tyrion's Chain Thing is not finished yet, whatever that is.
Another thought: everyone in the castle seems to still be eating pretty well. Presumably enough gold can solve supply problems, but it's got to be costly. I know they are wealthy but this war is expensive. Will they run out of money? Does GRRM model the economics as much as he does the military strategy?
Anyway the royal parade from the docks to the castle doesn't go well. The crowd get agitated because they've been starving since the Lannisters were in charge. Joffrey's parentage is called into question, dung is thrown, Joff tells the Hound to get violent, and things turn nasty. The king escapes the crowd but not a good telling off and a kicking from Tyrion. Somehow Tyrion escapes a slapping from Cersei over this. Then they notice Sansa is missing! If she gets killed by the crowd the balance of hostages will be out of whack and it'll be curtains for Jaime. Luckily the Hound (also missing, presumed dead) finds her and rescues her (he must *really* like her -- I wonder if he will eventually turn on Joffrey). She's mainly upset about seeing someone's arm get chopped off.
No-one seems to care about Lady Tanda's daugter Lollys who is also missing, but she eventually does get found alive having had an unpleasant evening.
Rioting continues. There's only so much the city watch can do: their new recruits aren't of high quality and head of the watch Ser Jacelyn Bywater has fun telling Tyrion just how unpopular he is with the commoners. Tyrion is understandably a bit hurt, seeing as he's the only Lannister who has done anything to help them.
By the way, Littlefinger hasn't been seen since he went off to organise a marriage between Joffrey and a Tyrell at Bitterbridge. Tyrion wins his own chapter with this thought: "If I was Mace Tyrell, I would sooner have Joffrey's head on a pike than his cock in my daughter." Oh, and Tyrion is paying Cersei's new men (led by some chap called Kettleblack) more than Cersei is.
Overall things aren't looking good for the Lannisters. They need to get the war over with soon before they are ousted in a bloody revolution. But not too soon becuase they don't have any ships and Tyrion's Chain Thing is not finished yet, whatever that is.
Another thought: everyone in the castle seems to still be eating pretty well. Presumably enough gold can solve supply problems, but it's got to be costly. I know they are wealthy but this war is expensive. Will they run out of money? Does GRRM model the economics as much as he does the military strategy?
ACoK 40: Daenerys 519
Poor Dany. The Pureborn of Qarth are only interested in her dragons; they're not going to give her any money or ships or swords. How is she ever going to claim the Iron Throne? Even the wealth merchant Xaro Xhoan Daxos, who is giving her free board and lodgings and wants to marry her isn't interested in her body. It turns out if he marries her he'll get a free dragon and become the most powerful person in the city.
Dany also notices she doesn't know how to train dragons, which could be a problem when she's hoping to use them to rain fire from above onto the seven kingdoms.
Somehow because of the dragons magicians can do better tricks. That thing with the fire ladder looked like it might have been real magic, but then again David Copperfield made the Eiffel Tower disappear... If it is real magic, could the dragons also be making shadow assassins possible? Or are the dragons a symptom of whatever it is that's making the other weird stuff happen? Will we get a proper SFnal explanation for all this or is it all just gods and mysterious forces?
Anyway, the mysterious adviser Quaithe points out that Dany should leave before there is too much vested interest in her and her dragons staying, or she might be trapped. Good point. Dany does seem a bit out of her depth at times, unsurprisingly for a teenaged girl.
Ser Jorah thinks Dany should go east, just to get away. No idea how she's going to get ships or swords yet.
Dany also notices she doesn't know how to train dragons, which could be a problem when she's hoping to use them to rain fire from above onto the seven kingdoms.
Somehow because of the dragons magicians can do better tricks. That thing with the fire ladder looked like it might have been real magic, but then again David Copperfield made the Eiffel Tower disappear... If it is real magic, could the dragons also be making shadow assassins possible? Or are the dragons a symptom of whatever it is that's making the other weird stuff happen? Will we get a proper SFnal explanation for all this or is it all just gods and mysterious forces?
Anyway, the mysterious adviser Quaithe points out that Dany should leave before there is too much vested interest in her and her dragons staying, or she might be trapped. Good point. Dany does seem a bit out of her depth at times, unsurprisingly for a teenaged girl.
Ser Jorah thinks Dany should go east, just to get away. No idea how she's going to get ships or swords yet.
Tuesday 25 September 2018
Catelyn 503
Good grief, what a lot of information in this chapter. Let's see if I can break it down:
- Brienne has pledged service to Catelyn but still wants to kill Stannis, given the opportunity.
- Catelyn has made it from Storm's End via Bitterbridge back to Riverrun, where she gets updated by her brother Edmure, visits her dying father and agrees to write to her sister Lysa. Her father says Lysa had an affair with a "young stripling" before she was married. I wonder if that was Littlefinger.
- Tyrion's secret agents tried to rescue Jaime but Edmure caught them in the act and hung them. All the rest of Catelyn's men are now in the dungeon at Riverrun.
- Tywin is marching West but, Edmure thinks, not to Riverrun. Maybe to Oxcross or wherever Robb is by now.
- Edmure has a plan. He doesn't want to let Tywin cross his land without attacking him, but he doesn't have enough men (8000 foot and 3000 horse vs. Tywin's double that number) at Riverrun. So he will use the forces of the 10,000 men of Roose Bolton (who may or may not still be interested in Lady Hornwood's land) and the men garrisoned by Robb at The Twins led by Helman Tallhart, to take Harrenhal in Tywin's absence. If this works Tywin should end up trapped between Riverrun and Harrenhal, and surrounded by Edmure, Robb and Bolton.
- The Freys at The Twins might be a problem but two of them are warded/held hostage at Winterfell, Robb is going to marry another, and the Freys anyway have been loyal so far.
- Stannis is still besieging Ser Cortnay Penrose at Storm's End. No-one knows whether Stannis is going to be help or hindrance.
- King Robert's bastard son Edric Storm is at Storm's End and Stannis wants him for something, but I have no idea about his significance.
Arya 494
Lord Tywin is marching west. Arya wants to escape but she's scared Weese will cut her feet off. She bumps into Rorge who really does not know how to speak to a 9-year-old girl; luckily he's scared of Jaqen. She asks Jaqen to kill Weese and he obliges, but Arya thinks maybe she should have asked for someone more important to be killed, like Tywin. With Weese and Tywin gone, maybe she can finally escape.
Monday 24 September 2018
Theon 485
Theon has just finished sacking a fishing village. He questions Benfred Tallhart (another one of the Flower Knight's relatives) but Benfred isn't saying anything so Theon orders him killed. There's something about GRRM weak characters who can't do their own dirty work.
Uncle Aeron Damphair is the one sent to keep an eye on Theon, but Theon goes running off to Dagmer Cleftjaw, who is to Theon as the Hound is to Joffrey: the disfigured bodyguard/teacher. He's got a dastardly plan and appeals to Cleftjaw's pride to help him, but Cleftjaw sees right through that and knows it's Theon's pride that his injured.
The plan: defy Daddy's orders and leave the pillaging to Uncle Aeron and send Dagmer to beseige Torrhen's Square. Not to actually capture it but to draw out Stark forces, leaving Theon to take the real prize. No guesses what he means to do: it's all set up very neatly. Jojen has predicted the sea will attack Winterfell and Theon from the sea is going to atttack something. Hmmm. But this is GRRM so whenever anything looks predictable the reader should be suspicious...
By the way, Theon seems pretty annoyed at the way he was looked after at the Starks. I think Ned must have made him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.
Uncle Aeron Damphair is the one sent to keep an eye on Theon, but Theon goes running off to Dagmer Cleftjaw, who is to Theon as the Hound is to Joffrey: the disfigured bodyguard/teacher. He's got a dastardly plan and appeals to Cleftjaw's pride to help him, but Cleftjaw sees right through that and knows it's Theon's pride that his injured.
The plan: defy Daddy's orders and leave the pillaging to Uncle Aeron and send Dagmer to beseige Torrhen's Square. Not to actually capture it but to draw out Stark forces, leaving Theon to take the real prize. No guesses what he means to do: it's all set up very neatly. Jojen has predicted the sea will attack Winterfell and Theon from the sea is going to atttack something. Hmmm. But this is GRRM so whenever anything looks predictable the reader should be suspicious...
By the way, Theon seems pretty annoyed at the way he was looked after at the Starks. I think Ned must have made him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.
Tyrion 477
Tyrion finds out that Renly is dead, which is not great news because now everyone seems to be joining up with Stannis making for one big army which is probably headed his way soon. We also learn that Renly's corpse has vanished (more sorcery, or someone hiding a secret?). The Flower Knight Loras has gone a bit mad with rage and won't join up with Stannis, so Tyrion thinks maybe he can be charmed to their side, possibly by getting Joffrey to marry some female relative of his, Margaery Tyrell.
Littlefinger seems suspiciously keen to help out with that plot. And Cersei is suddenly being suspiciously nice to Tyrion. This can't end well.
Littlefinger seems suspiciously keen to help out with that plot. And Cersei is suddenly being suspiciously nice to Tyrion. This can't end well.
Bran 469
Bran gets mail. Robb has won a battle against Stafford Lannister. We already knew that, but Bran feels a bit meh about it because he has never heard of Stafford. I can relate to that: it's a feeling I often get reading ASoIaF. Anyway, the Walders Frey's uncle is dead. They're pretty ok about that, and Bran is still worried. Which *perfectly* matches what Jojen predicted in his dream about not liking his delicious supper and the Freys enjoying their scraps!
So now Bran believes everything Jojen says. Except he says that Bran is going to to be murdered soon and have his face cut off, so that's not great. Also there is a prediction about Winterfell being flooded by the sea, which everyone inexplicably takes literally despite being told the dreams are cryptic. Probably it means Stannis or the Greyjoys (the ones with ships) are going to attack.
Poor Lady Hornwood (who everyone was trying to marry for her lands) married Roose Bolton's bastard and ended up dead shortly after. Now there is some infighting amongst the northerners over the Hornwood land and there's not much anyone can do because the King in the North is busy fighting Lannisters. Why can't everyone just get along?
So now Bran believes everything Jojen says. Except he says that Bran is going to to be murdered soon and have his face cut off, so that's not great. Also there is a prediction about Winterfell being flooded by the sea, which everyone inexplicably takes literally despite being told the dreams are cryptic. Probably it means Stannis or the Greyjoys (the ones with ships) are going to attack.
Poor Lady Hornwood (who everyone was trying to marry for her lands) married Roose Bolton's bastard and ended up dead shortly after. Now there is some infighting amongst the northerners over the Hornwood land and there's not much anyone can do because the King in the North is busy fighting Lannisters. Why can't everyone just get along?
Sunday 23 September 2018
Jon 459
The Watch make camp at the top of a hill protected by an old wall. Ghost doesn't like it there and Grenn an Jon think it's spooky, which ordinarily would just be silly but we know there are Others and Children and invisible shadow assassins about. The plan is to sit on the hill burning fires and see if either Benjen Stark or Mance Rayder turn up.
Ghost does his best Lassie impression and leads Jon off into the woods. Jon almost gets lost in the woods following him. It's not Timmy stuck down a well, but a a cache of weapons (including some obsidian knives, which probably means something important*) wrapped up in what just might be uncle Benjen's cloak.
* Back in GoT Bran gets a lesson from Maester Luwin about the Children and how they used not metal but obsidian, "forged in the fires of the gods, far below the earth". Bran and Rickon both get obsidian arrow-heads to play with.
Ghost does his best Lassie impression and leads Jon off into the woods. Jon almost gets lost in the woods following him. It's not Timmy stuck down a well, but a a cache of weapons (including some obsidian knives, which probably means something important*) wrapped up in what just might be uncle Benjen's cloak.
* Back in GoT Bran gets a lesson from Maester Luwin about the Children and how they used not metal but obsidian, "forged in the fires of the gods, far below the earth". Bran and Rickon both get obsidian arrow-heads to play with.
Saturday 22 September 2018
Catelyn 449
Catelyn goes to pray in the village sept, and figures out that the Lannisters must have tried to kill Bran because he knew about the incest. Then Ser Robar fetches her back to Renly's tent where they have a chat about all that. But it makes no difference and Renly goes off to battle.
Except this is GRRM and what should obviously happen next never happens. Instead a shadow ghost slices Renly's throat mid-jest. No-one saw that one coming, though perhaps Stannis' glowing sword was a clue. He dies. Brienne is hysterical. Angry men come and attack her but Catelyn manages to convince Robar that it wasn't Brienne but a ghost who murdered Renly. No-one else is going to believe that story, though, so Catelyn and Brienne scarper. The camp is in chaos and now there won't be a battle because there is no leader. Stannis has won. Presumably his Red Priestess is somehow behind this sorcery.
So much for sorcery being the sauce used to hide the flavour of incompetence. This is real magic, seen by a reliable witness. It can't be something that happens every day because the maesters are all convinced that if there ever was magic then its power faded long ago. Something is changing in the world: the opposite of Tolkien's magic fading from Middle-earth. Maybe elves have arrived; maybe it's that comet and/or those dragons. Or maybe it's whatever is going on beyond the wall.
No doubt we will spend many frustrating chapters with nobody believing Catelyn or Brienne and everybody continuing to refuse to believe in magic despite more and more weird stuff happening. Or maybe GRRM will surprise us yet again.
Except this is GRRM and what should obviously happen next never happens. Instead a shadow ghost slices Renly's throat mid-jest. No-one saw that one coming, though perhaps Stannis' glowing sword was a clue. He dies. Brienne is hysterical. Angry men come and attack her but Catelyn manages to convince Robar that it wasn't Brienne but a ghost who murdered Renly. No-one else is going to believe that story, though, so Catelyn and Brienne scarper. The camp is in chaos and now there won't be a battle because there is no leader. Stannis has won. Presumably his Red Priestess is somehow behind this sorcery.
So much for sorcery being the sauce used to hide the flavour of incompetence. This is real magic, seen by a reliable witness. It can't be something that happens every day because the maesters are all convinced that if there ever was magic then its power faded long ago. Something is changing in the world: the opposite of Tolkien's magic fading from Middle-earth. Maybe elves have arrived; maybe it's that comet and/or those dragons. Or maybe it's whatever is going on beyond the wall.
No doubt we will spend many frustrating chapters with nobody believing Catelyn or Brienne and everybody continuing to refuse to believe in magic despite more and more weird stuff happening. Or maybe GRRM will surprise us yet again.
Friday 21 September 2018
Sansa 440
The blogoficeandfire guy didn't like Sansa and didn't care what happened to her because she was too stupid to live, but I feel sorry for her. Especially after this chapter where she has a really bad day.
Robb has been doing some of the fighting alluded to in previous chapters and beat up some Lannisters, so naturally Joffrey must punish Sansa for it. There is some medieval logic to it, I suppose: terrorise the sister to terrorise the brother and maybe he'll ease up on his peace demands to free her. But we all know Joff gets off on a bit of cruelty and this is just an excuse.
So he has his men beat poor Sansa up and they go at it with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Dontos tries to make a joke of it (supposedly he's trying to help her); the Hound tries to keep out of it and even tries to stop it; but Boros just loves beating up girls. In a bizarre twist it starts to turn in to some sort of bizarre niche humiliation porn, when thankfully Tyrion turns up and puts a stop to it. Interestingly the threat of telling his mum scares Joff.
Tyrion takes Sansa back to his place and looks after her. When she asks him about the story Joff spun about Robb using demon wargs to beat Stafford Lannister, Tyrion wins the chapter with his wisdom: "Sorcery is the sauce fools spoon over failure to hide the flavor of their incompetence." It's quite obvious Tyrion should be king.
Sansa decides to return to her own quarters so she can escape to the godswood and meet Dontos. What could possibly go wrong?
Robb has been doing some of the fighting alluded to in previous chapters and beat up some Lannisters, so naturally Joffrey must punish Sansa for it. There is some medieval logic to it, I suppose: terrorise the sister to terrorise the brother and maybe he'll ease up on his peace demands to free her. But we all know Joff gets off on a bit of cruelty and this is just an excuse.
So he has his men beat poor Sansa up and they go at it with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Dontos tries to make a joke of it (supposedly he's trying to help her); the Hound tries to keep out of it and even tries to stop it; but Boros just loves beating up girls. In a bizarre twist it starts to turn in to some sort of bizarre niche humiliation porn, when thankfully Tyrion turns up and puts a stop to it. Interestingly the threat of telling his mum scares Joff.
Tyrion takes Sansa back to his place and looks after her. When she asks him about the story Joff spun about Robb using demon wargs to beat Stafford Lannister, Tyrion wins the chapter with his wisdom: "Sorcery is the sauce fools spoon over failure to hide the flavor of their incompetence." It's quite obvious Tyrion should be king.
Sansa decides to return to her own quarters so she can escape to the godswood and meet Dontos. What could possibly go wrong?
Catelyn 426
Stannis has beseiged Renly's castle so Renly has ridden out there with part of his forces to see what's what, and before they get to fighting Catelyn thinks she can knock their heads together and snap them out of all this silliness.
Needless to say it doesn't work. Stannis is too rigid and thinks he's the rightful king and everyone should bend their knee and that's that. Renly thinks he'd be an awesome king and everyone will love him and that's all that matters. Renly wins the argument with sarcasm: "No one wants you for their king. Sorry." Renly and Catelyn are skeptical about the incest theory too.
Stannis has a very shiny sword. Maybe there is something in this Lord of Light business after all.
Catelyn rides back to Renly's camp. He's going to attack in the morning because he hasn't brought all his forces with him and he's got ahead of his supply lines so if they don't get on with it they'll all starve. This is just the sort of thing I was expecting from Renly: he's got the numbers but he hasn't got the skills. He's also sending Flower Boy to lead the van, which probably won't end well.
Needless to say it doesn't work. Stannis is too rigid and thinks he's the rightful king and everyone should bend their knee and that's that. Renly thinks he'd be an awesome king and everyone will love him and that's all that matters. Renly wins the argument with sarcasm: "No one wants you for their king. Sorry." Renly and Catelyn are skeptical about the incest theory too.
Stannis has a very shiny sword. Maybe there is something in this Lord of Light business after all.
Catelyn rides back to Renly's camp. He's going to attack in the morning because he hasn't brought all his forces with him and he's got ahead of his supply lines so if they don't get on with it they'll all starve. This is just the sort of thing I was expecting from Renly: he's got the numbers but he hasn't got the skills. He's also sending Flower Boy to lead the van, which probably won't end well.
Arya 413
Arya's new job mainly involves scrubbing floors until her hands bleed. At least she gets the occasional pie from Hot Pie who works in the kitchens. And she gets to hear the odd bit of news by eavesdropping on the conversations of the high and mighty, who say far too much in earshot of the servants. She finds out Robb is at Riverrun which is closer than Winterfell, and starts plotting her escape. Lord Cerwyn is a prisoner and maybe he can help her...except he dies from his wounds.
Her list of people she hates and will one day have killed grows longer. Luckily Jaqen H'ghar turns up, and since she threw him an axe and saved him and his two friends from the fire the night Yoren was killed in the raid by Ser Amory, he offers to kill three people for her in return.
Arya can't decide who to have killed, but when she hears GREGOR's man Chyswick boasting how they gang raped an inn-keeper's daughter in front of her father, the decision gets a bit easier for her.
Her list of people she hates and will one day have killed grows longer. Luckily Jaqen H'ghar turns up, and since she threw him an axe and saved him and his two friends from the fire the night Yoren was killed in the raid by Ser Amory, he offers to kill three people for her in return.
Arya can't decide who to have killed, but when she hears GREGOR's man Chyswick boasting how they gang raped an inn-keeper's daughter in front of her father, the decision gets a bit easier for her.
Tyrion 403
The smug boy Lancel comes to fetch Tyrion because Cersei is cross with him again, on account of all the stuff he did when she was stuck on the toilet. She wants him to release Pycelle and arrest Jacelyn for defying her about releasing Pycelle.
Lancel acts all tough until Tyrion threatens to tell Joff that he's screwing his mother. At which point he starts bricking it, which he should do because we all know how Joff treats people who even slightly annoy him...
So now Lancel is working for Tyrion, at least until everyone finds out what is going on and Lancel ends up dead. He goes off to tell Cersei that Tyrion is going to free Pycelle but protect Ser Jacelyn.
After all that Tyrion can't sleep so he goes to visit Shae. It's a wonder he has any energy left after all the effort he has to go to to get to her house. Tyrion is far too in love with his prostitute girlfriend. This can not end well.
Lancel acts all tough until Tyrion threatens to tell Joff that he's screwing his mother. At which point he starts bricking it, which he should do because we all know how Joff treats people who even slightly annoy him...
So now Lancel is working for Tyrion, at least until everyone finds out what is going on and Lancel ends up dead. He goes off to tell Cersei that Tyrion is going to free Pycelle but protect Ser Jacelyn.
After all that Tyrion can't sleep so he goes to visit Shae. It's a wonder he has any energy left after all the effort he has to go to to get to her house. Tyrion is far too in love with his prostitute girlfriend. This can not end well.
Bran 393
Bran hangs out with Meera and Jojen who are his new best friends now that everyone else has gone home after the big party. Apparently Jojen has "greensight" which is some sort of ESP power, and they think Bran has the same power on account of his dreams and wolf mind-melding.
Bran is so freaked out by this he mind-melds with Summer and she attacks Meera and Jojen, but they seem pretty cool about it, because Jojen knows this is not the day he dies.
Maester Luwin is highly skeptical, being a man of science, but there comes a point when there is so much evidence you ought to start believing in magic. One of these days Bran will make a solid prediction about something he could not otherwise have known and then everyone, including Bran, will believe in his magic powers.
Bran is so freaked out by this he mind-melds with Summer and she attacks Meera and Jojen, but they seem pretty cool about it, because Jojen knows this is not the day he dies.
Maester Luwin is highly skeptical, being a man of science, but there comes a point when there is so much evidence you ought to start believing in magic. One of these days Bran will make a solid prediction about something he could not otherwise have known and then everyone, including Bran, will believe in his magic powers.
Daenerys 383
Dany arrives in Qarth, a big fancy, colourful Eastern city. Because she's got dragons everyone is desperate to do anything for her. I wonder what they think is in it for them?
On the one hand she has Pryat Pree, a warlock, who she doesn't trust because she's skeptical about sorcery after that terrible business with the maegi Mirri Maz. But she asks him for ships and swords anyway and he goes off cheerfully to fetch them.
On the other hand is Quaithe the shadowbinder who doesn't say much but warns Dany not to trust the people who are only interested in her dragons.
And then there is Xaro Xhoan Daxos the rich merchant who has a really big house with a bath and everything. So Dany goes and stays at his place.
A ship's captain turns up and gives her news from Westeros. Dany finally finds out that Robert is dead and everyone is fighting each other. It's the perfect time to invade and reclaim the throne. If only she had an army.
On the one hand she has Pryat Pree, a warlock, who she doesn't trust because she's skeptical about sorcery after that terrible business with the maegi Mirri Maz. But she asks him for ships and swords anyway and he goes off cheerfully to fetch them.
On the other hand is Quaithe the shadowbinder who doesn't say much but warns Dany not to trust the people who are only interested in her dragons.
And then there is Xaro Xhoan Daxos the rich merchant who has a really big house with a bath and everything. So Dany goes and stays at his place.
A ship's captain turns up and gives her news from Westeros. Dany finally finds out that Robert is dead and everyone is fighting each other. It's the perfect time to invade and reclaim the throne. If only she had an army.
Arya 375
GREGOR has raided a village and is keeping everyone prisoner in the storehouse. He spends a few days having his man Tickler torture them to death while he questions the about the whereabouts of gold and the strength of Lord Beric's forces. He doesn't figure out who Arya is.
Hot Pie finally finds out that Arry is a girl when she has to piss in front of everyone on the march to Harrenhal. She starts keeping a list of all the people she hates. When they arrive at Harrenhal Arya, who names herself Weasel, is given a job working for Weese. All these names are not confusing at all. If she works hard all her life she might end up in charge of some slaves just like Weese. It's all a bit of a come-down, really.
Hot Pie finally finds out that Arry is a girl when she has to piss in front of everyone on the march to Harrenhal. She starts keeping a list of all the people she hates. When they arrive at Harrenhal Arya, who names herself Weasel, is given a job working for Weese. All these names are not confusing at all. If she works hard all her life she might end up in charge of some slaves just like Weese. It's all a bit of a come-down, really.
Tyrion 360
Tyrion finds Cersei hanging out with young Ser Lancel. I keep getting him mixed up with Loras the Flower knight. Lancel is another enormous dick in the Theon/Joffrey mould.
Tyrion tells Cersei that Stannis has sailed, which scares her to death until she finds out he's attacking Renly. They all have a good laugh about how the Baratheon brothers are fighting each other instead of attacking the Lannisters. Which is pretty stupid but I'm sure the Lannisters won't be getting the last laugh.
They drink to Renly's and Stannis' health but Tyrion puts something in Cersei's drink that gives her the runs so that he can sit on the throne for a day while she sits on her other throne. He has a pretty busy day: he sends Cleos back to Riverrun with all of Cersei's soldiers, along with some secret agents who are going to try to rescue Jaime; he tries to help Ser Alliser of The Watch by letting him have some men from the dungeons (but Alliser is peeved no-one believes him about the zombies); he disappoints Littlefinger about sending Myrcella to Lysa (because Pycelle leaked that she was going to the Prince of Dorne to marry his son) which presumably means Littlefinger won't be getting Harenhall; and he pays a visit to Pycelle to have Shagga give him a close shave and throw him in the dungeon.
Pycelle summarises a lot of stuff: it was Pycelle who got mad king Aerys to open his gates to that Robert could attack and Jaime kill him; and a squire called Hugh (the one GREGOR killed in the tourney) poisoned Jon Arryn because Cersei wanted him dead because Arryn found out about the Jaime/Cersei incest/bastard-making.
Shagga wins the chapter with the line: "Once I cut off a man's head, but he did no know it until he tried to brush his hair. Then it fell off."
Tyrion tells Cersei that Stannis has sailed, which scares her to death until she finds out he's attacking Renly. They all have a good laugh about how the Baratheon brothers are fighting each other instead of attacking the Lannisters. Which is pretty stupid but I'm sure the Lannisters won't be getting the last laugh.
They drink to Renly's and Stannis' health but Tyrion puts something in Cersei's drink that gives her the runs so that he can sit on the throne for a day while she sits on her other throne. He has a pretty busy day: he sends Cleos back to Riverrun with all of Cersei's soldiers, along with some secret agents who are going to try to rescue Jaime; he tries to help Ser Alliser of The Watch by letting him have some men from the dungeons (but Alliser is peeved no-one believes him about the zombies); he disappoints Littlefinger about sending Myrcella to Lysa (because Pycelle leaked that she was going to the Prince of Dorne to marry his son) which presumably means Littlefinger won't be getting Harenhall; and he pays a visit to Pycelle to have Shagga give him a close shave and throw him in the dungeon.
Pycelle summarises a lot of stuff: it was Pycelle who got mad king Aerys to open his gates to that Robert could attack and Jaime kill him; and a squire called Hugh (the one GREGOR killed in the tourney) poisoned Jon Arryn because Cersei wanted him dead because Arryn found out about the Jaime/Cersei incest/bastard-making.
Shagga wins the chapter with the line: "Once I cut off a man's head, but he did no know it until he tried to brush his hair. Then it fell off."
Theon 342
Theon has been away for a while so he doesn't recognise his sister who seduces him. It's pretty hilarious because Theon is an enormous dick who deserves a bit of humilation, but that's a pretty weird trick for his sister to play. Poor Theon just wants the townsfolk to recognise him, and respect him, and go to war for him. Instead everyone laughs at him and his dad gives him a few paltry ships to go raping and pillaging with, while his sister Asha gets to command the main fleet and attack a proper castle (Deepwood Motte, wherever that is).
At this point I'm pretty sure that a woman is going to end up on the iron throne, GRRM does like to show us how the sensible strong women can get the better of the idiot crowing men.
At this point I'm pretty sure that a woman is going to end up on the iron throne, GRRM does like to show us how the sensible strong women can get the better of the idiot crowing men.
Jon 321
The Night's Watch expedition beyond the wall rocks up at Craster's house. Craster is an off-grid homesteader, except that he kills all the boys and has sex with his daughters, so it's just him and his wife-daughter-neice-granddaughter-cousins. I'm starting to get that incest is a bit of a GRRM theme. In return for a nice axe and a crossbow, Mormont gets Craster to tell Sam how to draw a map of where Mance Rayder the raider is these days. Sam sends one of Craster's daughter-wives to Jon for help escaping, but Jon can't help her.
Mormont says Craster has to give the boys to his "cruel gods". I think it's probably the Others.
Mormont says Craster has to give the boys to his "cruel gods". I think it's probably the Others.
Catelyn 303
Catelyn finds out Robb is planning to march somewhere, but not to Harrenhal. He sends her to go and talk to Renly who is on his way to King's Landing.
Renly has a vast host, doesn't appear to be in any hurry, and lets his knights play at tourneys. He likes to dress up and have parties and be charming. This means he is probably going to suck at battles. It says a lot that his top knight is Ser Loras Tyrell, the handsome flowery one that Sansa fancied. Loras gets beaten by a girl, Brienne. Tough tomboys seem to be a bit of a GRRM theme.
Catelyn tries to get Renly to join forces with Robb but Renly isn't having it unless Robb bends his knee. Renly seems a bit overconfident in his numbers. My guess is they've been charmed and well fed by him, but as soon as he does badly in a battle they'll all desert him.
Stannis has attacked Renly's castle, Storm's End.
Renly has a vast host, doesn't appear to be in any hurry, and lets his knights play at tourneys. He likes to dress up and have parties and be charming. This means he is probably going to suck at battles. It says a lot that his top knight is Ser Loras Tyrell, the handsome flowery one that Sansa fancied. Loras gets beaten by a girl, Brienne. Tough tomboys seem to be a bit of a GRRM theme.
Catelyn tries to get Renly to join forces with Robb but Renly isn't having it unless Robb bends his knee. Renly seems a bit overconfident in his numbers. My guess is they've been charmed and well fed by him, but as soon as he does badly in a battle they'll all desert him.
Stannis has attacked Renly's castle, Storm's End.
Bran 293
Bran goes to a party. He mind-melds with his wolf. Lady Meera of House Reed and her brother Jojen of Greywater Watch (not much older than Bran) turn up to pledge allegiance. Apparently they live in mud and eat frogs. They want to see the Direwolves.
Everyone starts dancing but Bran can't, so he goes to bed and dreams that he is Summer and Meera and Jojen are in the wood.
Everyone starts dancing but Bran can't, so he goes to bed and dreams that he is Summer and Meera and Jojen are in the wood.
Tyrion 279
Tyrion visits the pyromancers/alchemists deep under the Red Keep. He manages not to get blown up. The pyromancers want to show off to King Joff but the last thing anyone wants is Joffrey playing with explosives.
Cleos Frey turns up with his Robb's peace terms. Tyrion thinks a bit of back and forth with messages relaying unacceptable terms will be an excellent time-waster. He tells Jacelyn to make sure Robb's men don't get to see what a hellhole the city is becoming and what the prophets are ranting about.
Cersei has found out Tyrion want Myrcella to marry the Dornishman Prince Doran, which means Maester Pycelle has been leaking secrets. Tyrion gets slapped about for his trouble, but at least he makes Cersei cry.
Strategy-wise, Tyrion thinks Robb can't march on King's Landing without taking Harrenhal first, because Tywin would come to the rescue otherwise. And Robb isn't strong enough to take Harrenhal.
Cleos Frey turns up with his Robb's peace terms. Tyrion thinks a bit of back and forth with messages relaying unacceptable terms will be an excellent time-waster. He tells Jacelyn to make sure Robb's men don't get to see what a hellhole the city is becoming and what the prophets are ranting about.
Cersei has found out Tyrion want Myrcella to marry the Dornishman Prince Doran, which means Maester Pycelle has been leaking secrets. Tyrion gets slapped about for his trouble, but at least he makes Cersei cry.
Strategy-wise, Tyrion thinks Robb can't march on King's Landing without taking Harrenhal first, because Tywin would come to the rescue otherwise. And Robb isn't strong enough to take Harrenhal.
Intro
I am reading A Song of Ice and Fire for the first time in 2018 having not seen the TV show. I enjoyed reading along with https://blogoficeandfire.blogspot.com/ but that abruptly ended, and I miss it.
I thought it might be helpful to keep my own notes. Maybe I will write in an irreverent style.
This is mainly for my own amusement. I make no promises about quality, usefulness, or discipline.
I’ll enable comments when I am up to date with the books.
I thought it might be helpful to keep my own notes. Maybe I will write in an irreverent style.
This is mainly for my own amusement. I make no promises about quality, usefulness, or discipline.
I’ll enable comments when I am up to date with the books.
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