He was going to be left to die in an ice cell, or possibly hanged, but Maester Aemon (Targaryen) is having none of this Jon-is-a-Turncloak business, which for some reason is causing problems for Janos Slynt and Alliser Thorne. So they're going to send him to see Mance Rayder instead, to parley. And they want him to murder Mance to prove his innocence, which will get him killed. It's similar logic to drowning witches.
Tormund and Mance are both pretty friendly towards Jon. Even though hundreds of wildlings have been killed there is no hatred towards the Watch, who are deemed to have put up a jolly good fight. In fact the wildlings in general seem like awfully reasonable, rational people. It's questionable which civilisation is the most civilised.
Mance does in fact have the Giant Horn which could supposedly destroy the wall. But Mance isn't too keen to use it because he's not really running towards Westeros so much as away from the Others, and the wall would be pretty handy to be on the other side of. He wants to be let through in return for not blowing it.
Jon is wondering how he's going to murder Mance in front of his heavily pregnant wife when it all becomes moot anyway because Stannis has turned up, and we get a good look at what a well organised army with proper knights and big horses can do against a disorganised mob even though greatly outnumbered. Which mostly seems to be that the disorganised mob runs away. Jon is left being the midwife as Mance's wife is giving birth.
I'm starting to think that Jon might just get away in all the confusion.
And if Stannis is here, I can only assume that Davos has convinced him that bad things are happening beyond the wall and he ought to do something about it.
Monday 18 February 2019
ASoS 72: Jaime 996
The Tullys are going to be booted out of Riverrun by the Lannisters. There is not much left for the remaining Stark children. There is a fake Arya Stark (obviously that was Tywin's plan) going to be married to Ramsay Bolton. I wonder what Arya will do when she finds out who she has married! Ramsay even knows it, the point is that he will be heir of Winterfell. Though it is all burnt so he'll have some work to do.
GREGOR isn't actually dead. He is obviously at death's door, though, which means I fully expect him to make a full recovery. Tywin is struggling to retain the friendship of Dorne after Oberyn's death, so that Dorne don't join up with Stannis and prolong the war.
Jaime is sad because he can't fight with his left hand. Probably he just needs more practice; I don't see why he couldn't still become a decent fighter again, but he hasn't figured that out yet. Cersei wants him to leave the Kingsguard to regain his influence with Tywin so he can persuade Tywin to let Cersei stay in Kings Landing with Tommen instead of being sent of to marry someone. Jaime isn't having it so he's out of Cersei's good books now.
He summons Brienne. Loras is now convinced she didn't kill Renly, and they think Stannis's tricks are behind the mysterious death of the Castellan at Storm's End (that resulted in the release of Robert's bastard Edric Storm to Stannis). But they do not yet suspect that Stannis is behind Joffrey's death, despite Cersei noticing that Joffrey looked like he was fighting an evil spirit during his death throes. That would take too much Scooby-doo logic, I suppose.
Jaime gives Brienne his fancy sword and sends her off to find and protect Sansa. Giving Brienne a purpose strikes me as a kind thing to do; she would hate to languish about court being ladylike. Jaime seems to want to keep his promise to Catelyn by keeping Sansa safe. He's told Brienne about the fake Arya so that she doesn't try to rescue her.
Now Jaime has to decide what to do next. I'm hoping he goes to see Tyrion and tries to figure out who really killed Joffrey, because that seems like Tyrion's only chance, and Jaime is one of the few people who thinks he didn't do it.
GREGOR isn't actually dead. He is obviously at death's door, though, which means I fully expect him to make a full recovery. Tywin is struggling to retain the friendship of Dorne after Oberyn's death, so that Dorne don't join up with Stannis and prolong the war.
Jaime is sad because he can't fight with his left hand. Probably he just needs more practice; I don't see why he couldn't still become a decent fighter again, but he hasn't figured that out yet. Cersei wants him to leave the Kingsguard to regain his influence with Tywin so he can persuade Tywin to let Cersei stay in Kings Landing with Tommen instead of being sent of to marry someone. Jaime isn't having it so he's out of Cersei's good books now.
He summons Brienne. Loras is now convinced she didn't kill Renly, and they think Stannis's tricks are behind the mysterious death of the Castellan at Storm's End (that resulted in the release of Robert's bastard Edric Storm to Stannis). But they do not yet suspect that Stannis is behind Joffrey's death, despite Cersei noticing that Joffrey looked like he was fighting an evil spirit during his death throes. That would take too much Scooby-doo logic, I suppose.
Jaime gives Brienne his fancy sword and sends her off to find and protect Sansa. Giving Brienne a purpose strikes me as a kind thing to do; she would hate to languish about court being ladylike. Jaime seems to want to keep his promise to Catelyn by keeping Sansa safe. He's told Brienne about the fake Arya so that she doesn't try to rescue her.
Now Jaime has to decide what to do next. I'm hoping he goes to see Tyrion and tries to figure out who really killed Joffrey, because that seems like Tyrion's only chance, and Jaime is one of the few people who thinks he didn't do it.
ASoS 71: Daenerys 977
Dany is now sitting on top of the pyramid in Meereen, which means she conquered it off-stage. She sent poor old Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy up the sewers, and had Ilyrio's ships turned into battering rams (he must be wondering where she's got to by now, surely?) She also had 163 people crucified as punishment for the 163 crucified children. Very fair, is our Dany.
Her previous conquered city, Astapor, is not doing so well. There's an evil butcher king, and she has had to allow starving people to sell themselves into slavery (surely a zero-hours contract would be better?)
Barristan Selmy tells Dany for the first time about her father the mad king. He also convinces her he will be faithful henceforth. Jorah Mormont on the other hand is banished (again!). I am sure no good will come of that.
Her previous conquered city, Astapor, is not doing so well. There's an evil butcher king, and she has had to allow starving people to sell themselves into slavery (surely a zero-hours contract would be better?)
Barristan Selmy tells Dany for the first time about her father the mad king. He also convinces her he will be faithful henceforth. Jorah Mormont on the other hand is banished (again!). I am sure no good will come of that.
Friday 15 February 2019
ASoS 70: Tyrion 960
Tyrion's trial continues. They bring on Shae who tells all kinds of humiliating lies. So this is how that didn't end well (I always knew it wouldn't end well). GRRM certainly knows how to spend two-and-a-half novels setting up an enormous massive-sense-of-despair-at-the-injustice-of-it-all scene. Tyrion does a speech about how he didn't poison Joffrey but really he'd like to poison the lot of them, then demands trial by combat. Up steps Oberyn, much to the dismay of Tywin, who clearly didn't see that coming. Hah!
The day of the combat arrives. Oberyn tells Tyrion the whole visit to Kings Landing back in the day was all about getting Elia married off. She was going to marry a perfectly ordinary knight, but he farted. Tyrion, appropriately, "wondered how many lives had been snuffed out by that fart." So then Elia's mother tried to get her married to Jaime and Tywin offered Tyrion instead. For which slight, she managed to get Elia married to Rheagar. And by now we know how that worked out (everybody died).
Oberyn goes up against GREGOR with a spear. He is brother to a murdered sister; uncle to a murdered niece and nephew, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or one of the seven hells. It goes pretty well, with Oberyn avoiding GREGOR SMASH while singing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" until GREGOR finally gets mad and falls over. Oberyn pole vaults his spear through GREGOR and GREGOR is all but dead. But Oberyn clearly hasn't watched enough action movies. He gets too close to GREGOR while delivering his victory speech, and GREGOR crushes his skull.
So despite saving King's Landing at least twice, Tyrion is now totally screwed. It's going to take a miracle to get out of this situation.
The day of the combat arrives. Oberyn tells Tyrion the whole visit to Kings Landing back in the day was all about getting Elia married off. She was going to marry a perfectly ordinary knight, but he farted. Tyrion, appropriately, "wondered how many lives had been snuffed out by that fart." So then Elia's mother tried to get her married to Jaime and Tywin offered Tyrion instead. For which slight, she managed to get Elia married to Rheagar. And by now we know how that worked out (everybody died).
Oberyn goes up against GREGOR with a spear. He is brother to a murdered sister; uncle to a murdered niece and nephew, and he will have his vengeance, in this life or one of the seven hells. It goes pretty well, with Oberyn avoiding GREGOR SMASH while singing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" until GREGOR finally gets mad and falls over. Oberyn pole vaults his spear through GREGOR and GREGOR is all but dead. But Oberyn clearly hasn't watched enough action movies. He gets too close to GREGOR while delivering his victory speech, and GREGOR crushes his skull.
So despite saving King's Landing at least twice, Tyrion is now totally screwed. It's going to take a miracle to get out of this situation.
ASoS 69: Jon 946
The wildlings are build a turtle (a wooden roof to hide under while they break into the tunnel through the wall). But Jon Snow is in command of the wall and comes up with the excellent ruse of dropping barrels of gravel and ice on them. It works and the wildlings are repelled once more. So he goes for a nap. So far so good. Eventually they might break through since there are so many of them and the Watch will eventually run out of supplies, but for now, Jon is doing well. And you never know, there might be some good news around the corner.
Except no. Ser Alliser, who has always hated Jon since he stopped Ser Alliser from bullying Sam, turns up from another castle on the wall and accuses Jon of being a turncloak for spending all that time with the wildlings at the command of Qorin Halfhand. And a captured wildling has spilled everything about how Jon killed Qorin and got all friendly with Ygritte.
So despite saving Castle Black at least twice, Jon is now totally screwed. It's going to take a miracle to get out of this situation.
Except no. Ser Alliser, who has always hated Jon since he stopped Ser Alliser from bullying Sam, turns up from another castle on the wall and accuses Jon of being a turncloak for spending all that time with the wildlings at the command of Qorin Halfhand. And a captured wildling has spilled everything about how Jon killed Qorin and got all friendly with Ygritte.
So despite saving Castle Black at least twice, Jon is now totally screwed. It's going to take a miracle to get out of this situation.
ASoS 68: Sansa 927
Sansa arrives by ship to Petyr "Littlefinger" Baelish's family home. He makes much about how humble it is. Lots of revelations in this chapter. First we learn that Cersei's Kettleblacks were planted by Petyr and they are really beholden to him. Their dad is one of his servants. So that explains their mysterious (and largely fake, I would imagine) background.
And we find out that the hilarious old lady Tyrell poisoned Joffrey! I knew it! Sort of. What annoys me is that I didn't notice until now about the hairnet-straightening. All the clues were there all along. I could have worked it out. Argh! It makes sense though. Apparently the Tyrell's knew all along what Joffrey was like (since Petyr had his servants spread rumours about him). We are also supposed to believe that Petyr planted the idea of making Loras a kingsguard just so that the Tyrells would expect the combination of Loras + Joffrey + Maergery would be such a kingslaying recipe that it would be better to just poison Joff upfront and have Maergery marry Tommen instead. How many dimensions of chess is he really playing? He seems like the best informed character anyway. I suspect his analysis of Cersei, that she only thinks she is clever and powerful but is in fact predictable and weak, is correct.
Sansa's aunt turns up. Petyr marries her. They're off to live at the Eyrie. But Sansa has to pretend to be a bastard girl until Tyrion is executed for Joffrey's murder (also planned by Petyr, helped by the dwarf jousting he organised), then she can marry her cousin, the sickly Robert who Lysa has raised to be a complete pussy, almost to the point of child abuse. That sounds a bit yuck but I can sort of imagine Sansa is learning a lot and will eventually be able to manipulate him and get more powerful. Except I think Tyrion may live longer than they expect, unless Petyr has also fixed the trial by combat somehow. Is their anything not caused by Petyr? Or Petyr and Varys? Is that the moral of the story? Some people are players, some are pieces, and it's not who you expect. Sir Humphrey is the real power, the Prime Minister is the piece.
And we find out that the hilarious old lady Tyrell poisoned Joffrey! I knew it! Sort of. What annoys me is that I didn't notice until now about the hairnet-straightening. All the clues were there all along. I could have worked it out. Argh! It makes sense though. Apparently the Tyrell's knew all along what Joffrey was like (since Petyr had his servants spread rumours about him). We are also supposed to believe that Petyr planted the idea of making Loras a kingsguard just so that the Tyrells would expect the combination of Loras + Joffrey + Maergery would be such a kingslaying recipe that it would be better to just poison Joff upfront and have Maergery marry Tommen instead. How many dimensions of chess is he really playing? He seems like the best informed character anyway. I suspect his analysis of Cersei, that she only thinks she is clever and powerful but is in fact predictable and weak, is correct.
Sansa's aunt turns up. Petyr marries her. They're off to live at the Eyrie. But Sansa has to pretend to be a bastard girl until Tyrion is executed for Joffrey's murder (also planned by Petyr, helped by the dwarf jousting he organised), then she can marry her cousin, the sickly Robert who Lysa has raised to be a complete pussy, almost to the point of child abuse. That sounds a bit yuck but I can sort of imagine Sansa is learning a lot and will eventually be able to manipulate him and get more powerful. Except I think Tyrion may live longer than they expect, unless Petyr has also fixed the trial by combat somehow. Is their anything not caused by Petyr? Or Petyr and Varys? Is that the moral of the story? Some people are players, some are pieces, and it's not who you expect. Sir Humphrey is the real power, the Prime Minister is the piece.
ASoS 67: Jaime 912
Jaime is now ensconced as Commander of the Kingsguard. He reads the big Kingsguard history book. Barristan Selmy (who was booted out by Joffrey and is now helping Dany) seems to have had a very distinguished career, and is still going pretty good for a bloke in his 60s. Jaime's entry is rather paltry, as usual he is underappreciated and misunderstood.
He has an all hands meeting with his staff. Boros Blount is useless and craven and stomps off in a huff after being told to taste all of Tommen's food. Osmund Kettleblack has appeared out of nowhere and Jaime is suspicious of his background. Where did Cersei find him? Ser Meryn Trant gets told off for obeying Joffrey too much and beating Sansa for him. Too right. Jaime wins the chapter with "If Tommen wants you to saddle his horse, obey him. If he tells you to kill his horse, come to me."
Balon Swann seems like a decent bloke and quite useful. The only problem with him is his family ties. Jaime asks what he would do if he had to strike down his brother to save the king. "On my sword, on my honor, on my father's name, I swear ... I shall not do as you did." Well played, Balon. Well played.
Loras Tyrell, the flower knight who once gave Sansa flowers and now thinks she killed Joffrey, is a cocksure teenager just like Jaime was. We learn that his brother Garlan Tyrell wore Renly's armour in the Blackwater battle and that's how the whole Ghost of Renly thing came about. I wonder if Tywin knows about this and therefore, a few chapters ago, was referring to Petyr "finding" Arya by giving someone a false identity. Sansa? That would be weird. Loras also thinks Brienne killed Renly but Jaime manages to instill some doubt about that and sends him off to question her.
He has an all hands meeting with his staff. Boros Blount is useless and craven and stomps off in a huff after being told to taste all of Tommen's food. Osmund Kettleblack has appeared out of nowhere and Jaime is suspicious of his background. Where did Cersei find him? Ser Meryn Trant gets told off for obeying Joffrey too much and beating Sansa for him. Too right. Jaime wins the chapter with "If Tommen wants you to saddle his horse, obey him. If he tells you to kill his horse, come to me."
Balon Swann seems like a decent bloke and quite useful. The only problem with him is his family ties. Jaime asks what he would do if he had to strike down his brother to save the king. "On my sword, on my honor, on my father's name, I swear ... I shall not do as you did." Well played, Balon. Well played.
Loras Tyrell, the flower knight who once gave Sansa flowers and now thinks she killed Joffrey, is a cocksure teenager just like Jaime was. We learn that his brother Garlan Tyrell wore Renly's armour in the Blackwater battle and that's how the whole Ghost of Renly thing came about. I wonder if Tywin knows about this and therefore, a few chapters ago, was referring to Petyr "finding" Arya by giving someone a false identity. Sansa? That would be weird. Loras also thinks Brienne killed Renly but Jaime manages to instill some doubt about that and sends him off to question her.
Monday 11 February 2019
ASos 66: Tyrion 894
It is Tyrion's trial. As I write this I do not yet know the outcome. He considers trial by combat, but it would be against GREGOR and Bronn is not willing to fight for him unless Tyrion can offer him a better castle and bride than the one Cersei has offered him. (I'm not sure what good all this land ownership is supposed to do. The obvious answer is security for yourself and your offspring, except you're also on the hook to whatever superior lord lives nearby and have to do whatever insane and dangerous deeds he wants his bannerman to do. So you either obey him and risk death and ruin, or else he chops off your head and steals your castle anyway. Even the winner of the game of thrones might get usurped to death any minute. Why can't everyone agree to just get along?)
The judges are Tyrell, Oberyn and Tywin. Bringing those two together ought to be a recipe for drama but the death of the king overshadows all, I suppose.
Endless witnesses are brought out against Tyrion. It's as if the entire series of books up to this point is a set-up against him. Nearly everything he has done has been in self-defence, in defence of good people (such as the time he saved Sansa from Joffrey) or for the good of his family. But because Cersei and Joffrey hate him and taunt him so much, everything good he has done can be made to look bad. It is almost Kafkaesque. Even Varys is no use. Varys seems to know everything. I would imagine he knows who really did it, but he is not saying. It is hard to see how Tyrion can get out of this one.
In a normal courtroom drama, everything would be made to look hopeless but there would be some game-changing revelations in the nick of time. I am not sure GRRM will follow a pattern like that.
And now Oberyn has come to visit Tyrion. Will he offer a way out, perhaps?
Ah, well, sort of. We finally get a fairly straight explanation of how each of the Targaryens died during Robert's usurping. Jaime killed mad king Aerys, as we know. Armory Lorch killed Princess Rhaenys (and was later killed by a bear at Harrenhal). GREGOR killed Prince Aegon. Oberyn wants GREGOR dead. So naturally he offers to be Tyrion's champion in a trial by combat. Might be worth a try!
But also, somewhat unsatisfying. I mean, does anyone really believe that trial by combat proves anything? Won't they think Tyrion was just lucky to get away with it? And I was rather hoping the Hound might eventually kill GREGOR.
The judges are Tyrell, Oberyn and Tywin. Bringing those two together ought to be a recipe for drama but the death of the king overshadows all, I suppose.
Endless witnesses are brought out against Tyrion. It's as if the entire series of books up to this point is a set-up against him. Nearly everything he has done has been in self-defence, in defence of good people (such as the time he saved Sansa from Joffrey) or for the good of his family. But because Cersei and Joffrey hate him and taunt him so much, everything good he has done can be made to look bad. It is almost Kafkaesque. Even Varys is no use. Varys seems to know everything. I would imagine he knows who really did it, but he is not saying. It is hard to see how Tyrion can get out of this one.
In a normal courtroom drama, everything would be made to look hopeless but there would be some game-changing revelations in the nick of time. I am not sure GRRM will follow a pattern like that.
And now Oberyn has come to visit Tyrion. Will he offer a way out, perhaps?
Ah, well, sort of. We finally get a fairly straight explanation of how each of the Targaryens died during Robert's usurping. Jaime killed mad king Aerys, as we know. Armory Lorch killed Princess Rhaenys (and was later killed by a bear at Harrenhal). GREGOR killed Prince Aegon. Oberyn wants GREGOR dead. So naturally he offers to be Tyrion's champion in a trial by combat. Might be worth a try!
But also, somewhat unsatisfying. I mean, does anyone really believe that trial by combat proves anything? Won't they think Tyrion was just lucky to get away with it? And I was rather hoping the Hound might eventually kill GREGOR.
ASoS 65: Arya 883
Arya and the Hound wander about not quite knowing what to do. At first Arya wants to go back and get her mother who she thinks might still be alive. Then she has a warg dream in which her wolf finds her mother's dead body, and now she is sure her mother is dead. They hang out in a village getting paid for odd jobs until the villagers kick them out. They toy with going to visit Lysa in the vale (hasn't she been avoiding the action a bit too easily?) but since that route is too dangerous now that Tyrion has armed all the barbarians, the Hound decides to head for Riverrun. So Arya is going to Riverrun again.
ASos 64: Jon 868
Gazillions of wildlings turn up at the wall, brining all their mythical creatures with them. The Watch put up a decent battle up on the wall. All the wildlings can really do is stand near the wall while stuff is hurled down onto their heads, and wait for the gate to be breached.
Jon is put in command. That's quite a rise to power, even if he was only put their by attrition. The wildlings start to attack the gate and Jon goes all Gandalf on them: they shall not pass! Pyp sets a giant on fire with a burning keg. The mammoths run off in terror and the whole attack is routed. By this time Jon's leg hurts too much. He goes down to inspect the tunnel and everyone defending it is dead. He orders the tunnel to be sealed up. Will the wildlings get enough people through the tunnel before the main host is scared away for good? Will the brothers run out of ammo before they scare away the main host for good? It does not look good to me. I suppose if the Watch is completely destroyed Jon will be free from his vows and can go and reclaim Winterfell, for what good that will do him.
Jon is put in command. That's quite a rise to power, even if he was only put their by attrition. The wildlings start to attack the gate and Jon goes all Gandalf on them: they shall not pass! Pyp sets a giant on fire with a burning keg. The mammoths run off in terror and the whole attack is routed. By this time Jon's leg hurts too much. He goes down to inspect the tunnel and everyone defending it is dead. He orders the tunnel to be sealed up. Will the wildlings get enough people through the tunnel before the main host is scared away for good? Will the brothers run out of ammo before they scare away the main host for good? It does not look good to me. I suppose if the Watch is completely destroyed Jon will be free from his vows and can go and reclaim Winterfell, for what good that will do him.
ASoS 63: Davos 857
Davos has decided the time has come to act. He and a small band of followers he has been cultivating kidnap Edric Storm and send him off on one of Salladhor Saan's ships, to protect him against Melisandre's plans to sacrifice him to bring dragons to life.
He tells Davos he thinks Melisandre is correct that Joffrey is dead. Now that three kings have died, that's surely all the proof of her abilities Stannis should need. So he is now ready to sacrifice Edric. Davos tells him what he has done, but points out that it's not treason since he vowed to protect the king's people. Stannis says he'd better have a good explanation, or else he's going to lose his head. Davos starts to read a letter.
I'm betting that once he finished reading this letter either he is going to die or Melisandre is. Because unless this letter has some juicy gossip on her, it doesn't look good for him.
As for the plot to save Edric, can Salladhor Saan be trusted? I don't think so. I think Melisandre gets a lot of her information from him. Though she did seem surprised that Davos had made Edric disappear, it could all have been an act. After all, as Sansa pointed out, in this series it's *all* lies!
He tells Davos he thinks Melisandre is correct that Joffrey is dead. Now that three kings have died, that's surely all the proof of her abilities Stannis should need. So he is now ready to sacrifice Edric. Davos tells him what he has done, but points out that it's not treason since he vowed to protect the king's people. Stannis says he'd better have a good explanation, or else he's going to lose his head. Davos starts to read a letter.
I'm betting that once he finished reading this letter either he is going to die or Melisandre is. Because unless this letter has some juicy gossip on her, it doesn't look good for him.
As for the plot to save Edric, can Salladhor Saan be trusted? I don't think so. I think Melisandre gets a lot of her information from him. Though she did seem surprised that Davos had made Edric disappear, it could all have been an act. After all, as Sansa pointed out, in this series it's *all* lies!
ASoS 62: Jaime 842
Jaime comes home, has Brienne arrested for her own safety (though she does not understand this), shags his sister in the church next to his son's open coffin, tells her he'll have to think about whether or not to kill his brother for her, and goes to see his dad.
His dad wants him to break his vows to the Kingsguard, marry his son's widow, and take up residence in the family castle, and disowns him when he refuses.
It's just an ordinary Lannister day.
Oh, and GREGOR is now in charge of Harrenal having chopped off Vargo Hoat's hands and feet, which is only fair.
His dad wants him to break his vows to the Kingsguard, marry his son's widow, and take up residence in the family castle, and disowns him when he refuses.
It's just an ordinary Lannister day.
Oh, and GREGOR is now in charge of Harrenal having chopped off Vargo Hoat's hands and feet, which is only fair.
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