Oh Sansa, Sansa, Sansa. Poor Sansa. She thinks she's being fitted for her lovely new frock, only for Cersei to whip out the wedding cloak at the last minute, and suddenly she is being whisked away to marry a dwarf.
It's the best wedding King's Landing has ever had! It's got a crying bride, a humiliated groom, and a family argument. The highlight of the evening is going to be stripping the bride and groom naked and listening outside the door while they have sex. Because Westeros is oh so civilised compared to those Dothraki or those wildlings...
Tyrion isn't having it, though. Sansa is only 13 and his heart's not in it. He probably is going to be a fairly decent husband. All Sansa has to do now is avoid Joffrey's attempts to use her to make bastards.
Lovely family, the Lannisters.
Friday 21 December 2018
ASoS 27: Daenerys 367
Dany sets off to buy her robot slave army. She takes a lot of cargo along from the ships, and a dragon.
It strikes me that barter is awfully inefficient. All those goods and a dragon buys 8600 unsullied plus extra boys. But is that the right price? Would it not have been better to exchange all the goods for gold coins, and then haggle over the price in gold coins? Because there might be people willing to pay more for dragons and other goods than those slavers were. That's why money was invented, after all. But clearly Astapor is not as sophisticated as that yet. Or Dany has been ripped off.
She gets her own back, though. Boy, does she get her own back. In what I can only imagine will be a very good scene in the TV series, having bought the unthinkingly obedient slave army, she crosses the figurative Trident (not the Rubicon) and proceeds to use it to...attack the slavers. Genius! It's the sort of plan only a self-righteous teenage girl would attempt, and it's beautiful. She gets to keep her dragon, too.
I'm still worried about logistics. Will Dany have enough people to command the robot slaves? And will she be able to find sufficient food and shelter for them? I'm a bit worried she has not thought this part through. Then again, she may well have new people on her side now that she is something of a power.
It strikes me that barter is awfully inefficient. All those goods and a dragon buys 8600 unsullied plus extra boys. But is that the right price? Would it not have been better to exchange all the goods for gold coins, and then haggle over the price in gold coins? Because there might be people willing to pay more for dragons and other goods than those slavers were. That's why money was invented, after all. But clearly Astapor is not as sophisticated as that yet. Or Dany has been ripped off.
She gets her own back, though. Boy, does she get her own back. In what I can only imagine will be a very good scene in the TV series, having bought the unthinkingly obedient slave army, she crosses the figurative Trident (not the Rubicon) and proceeds to use it to...attack the slavers. Genius! It's the sort of plan only a self-righteous teenage girl would attempt, and it's beautiful. She gets to keep her dragon, too.
I'm still worried about logistics. Will Dany have enough people to command the robot slaves? And will she be able to find sufficient food and shelter for them? I'm a bit worried she has not thought this part through. Then again, she may well have new people on her side now that she is something of a power.
Sunday 16 December 2018
ASoS 26: Jon 355
Poor Jon just *had* to let Ygritte have her wicked way, but, as predicted he likes it and is now super confused/horny. He doesn't know who he is any more. But maybe it won't matter if he can just disappear into a dark cave system with his girlfriend and never come out.
ASoS 25: Davos 344
Davos has been locked in a cell by the red woman but at least he is warm and his jailers seem pleasant enough, and the food is decent. Sanitation could be improved but, hell, for a jail, 3 out of 5 stars.
The red woman comes to visit and voices a theory similar to thoughts I have had before: all this war is really a war between gods. Red woman says there are only two gods, good and evil, and hers is the good one. I'm not so sure about that; neither is Davos. Also she thinks Stannis is Azor Ahai ("who will be born again out of smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone") but she obviously hasn't met Dany.
Lord Alester Florent is Davos' new cellmate. He's in for writing a letter of surrender on Stannis' behalf. He was caught after sending the letter via Salladhor Saan post, and *still* Davos thinks Saan is loyal and that the red woman gets her knowledge from supernatural powers.
The red woman comes to visit and voices a theory similar to thoughts I have had before: all this war is really a war between gods. Red woman says there are only two gods, good and evil, and hers is the good one. I'm not so sure about that; neither is Davos. Also she thinks Stannis is Azor Ahai ("who will be born again out of smoke and salt to wake dragons out of stone") but she obviously hasn't met Dany.
Lord Alester Florent is Davos' new cellmate. He's in for writing a letter of surrender on Stannis' behalf. He was caught after sending the letter via Salladhor Saan post, and *still* Davos thinks Saan is loyal and that the red woman gets her knowledge from supernatural powers.
ASoS 24: Bran 331
Bran is on a journey. It's all a bit Fellowship of the Ring. The landscape is described. Eagles fly overhead: that's probably not good. We get to hear a story from a long time ago about places that have not been mentioned before. Green Men may make future appearances.
They meet a Liddle who offers them shelter and a cave and tells them news of the wider world. Bran vows to be nice to Liddles if he ever gets the chance.
They meet a Liddle who offers them shelter and a cave and tells them news of the wider world. Bran vows to be nice to Liddles if he ever gets the chance.
ASoS 23: Daenerys 311
Dany goes shopping for a slave army. These aren't ordinary slaves, either. They're genetically engineered robots who feel no pain, have no emotions, and no personality. You can cut off their nipples and they don't even flinch. Somewhat disappointingly they don't have penises. But Dany has really attentive handmaidens, so she probably only needs them for fighting anyway.
They don't come with officers and they follow orders to the letter. I'm a computer programmer and I foresee problems.
Dany is not sure about the whole slave army thing from a personal brand point of view. Mormont points out the central lesson of the series: valiance, nobility and honour are a leading cause of death in Westeros.
They don't come with officers and they follow orders to the letter. I'm a computer programmer and I foresee problems.
Dany is not sure about the whole slave army thing from a personal brand point of view. Mormont points out the central lesson of the series: valiance, nobility and honour are a leading cause of death in Westeros.
Sunday 9 December 2018
ASoS 22; Arya 298
Arya gets dragged around the countryside looking for the boss Lord Beric, who is not hiding from them, exactly, but moves around a lot and likes to be hard to find.
The party visits elves in Lothlorien, and meets a scary fortune teller on Weathertop. They end up at the castle of Lady Smallwood, who seems thouroughly decent. She gives Arya a bath and puts her in a silly dress, which makes Gendry take the piss out of her leading to a hilarous play-fight. But she ends up riding out in sensible new clothes previously owned by Smallwood's now dead seven-year-old son.
At some point during all this Arya learns that her mother freed Jaime and can't quite believe it, but that's because she doesn't know the whole story.
The party visits elves in Lothlorien, and meets a scary fortune teller on Weathertop. They end up at the castle of Lady Smallwood, who seems thouroughly decent. She gives Arya a bath and puts her in a silly dress, which makes Gendry take the piss out of her leading to a hilarous play-fight. But she ends up riding out in sensible new clothes previously owned by Smallwood's now dead seven-year-old son.
At some point during all this Arya learns that her mother freed Jaime and can't quite believe it, but that's because she doesn't know the whole story.
ASoS 21: Jaime 285
Jaime, Brienne and Cleos are attacked by archers. Cleos gets hit by an arrow but Jaime drives off the archers by charging them. Archers always run when charged, apparently.
Jaime takes Cleos' sword and ends up in a lengthy sword fight with Brienne. The bloody mummers (including Rorge) catch them at this and capture them both. To his credit, Jaime tries to convince them that Brienne is highborn and valuable to try to prevent her getting raped too much. We also learn that Jaime has every intention of freeing Sansa, even if only to confound everyone's expectations. In other words: Catelyn's gambit did at least have a chance of success.
They get taken to the leader, Vargo Hoat. Jaime tries to buy him over to his side with all the Lannister gold and gets his ear cut off for his trouble.
I'm starting to wonder why anyone tries to travel anywhere in Westeros. It's too dangerous. I won't be going there on holiday.
Jaime takes Cleos' sword and ends up in a lengthy sword fight with Brienne. The bloody mummers (including Rorge) catch them at this and capture them both. To his credit, Jaime tries to convince them that Brienne is highborn and valuable to try to prevent her getting raped too much. We also learn that Jaime has every intention of freeing Sansa, even if only to confound everyone's expectations. In other words: Catelyn's gambit did at least have a chance of success.
They get taken to the leader, Vargo Hoat. Jaime tries to buy him over to his side with all the Lannister gold and gets his ear cut off for his trouble.
I'm starting to wonder why anyone tries to travel anywhere in Westeros. It's too dangerous. I won't be going there on holiday.
ASoS 20: Catelyn 273
Lord Karstark has murdered a couple of squires in revenge for his sons killed in a battle. This is so obviously unfair that Robb has no choice but to put him to death. By his own hand, of course. Which means that Robb has lost some more friends and made some more enemies. One of the squires was a Frey, so that will just add insult to the injury of spurning Frey's one of daughter Frey's. The main thing we learn here is that Robb is just like his father: he doesn't like what he must do, but he does what he must do.
His wife Jeyne goes to Catelyn for advice about Robb's sulking. Just leave him alone until he snaps out of it. Oh, by the way, an heir will be useful. Not to worry, the mother-in-law is giving Jeyne some concoction to make her fertile. What are the chances there is some skulduggery there?
His wife Jeyne goes to Catelyn for advice about Robb's sulking. Just leave him alone until he snaps out of it. Oh, by the way, an heir will be useful. Not to worry, the mother-in-law is giving Jeyne some concoction to make her fertile. What are the chances there is some skulduggery there?
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