Edmure sets off to defend the river crossings. Catelyn watches from the towers of the castle as he wins a few battles. He even beats GREGOR who gets a few arrows stuck in him. Riverrun really is well defended by these rivers.
Catelyn has a chat with Cleos Frey who is locked up since the attempted rescue of Jaime. Frey doesn't seem to know much but Catelyn is starting to get the idea that something is going on with Arya. I'm trying to remember is Frey was there when Joffrey had Sansa beaten: if so he's keeping quiet about it. But maybe not: even Joffrey isn't that stupid, surely.
The people at Riverrun are happy about Edumure's victories but Catelyn is not so sure.
Sunday 30 September 2018
ACoK 44: Tyrion 573
Cersei is having Tommen sent with Lord Gyles to Lord Gyles' castle, so Tyrion plans to intercept him and have Jacelyn Bywater take him there instead, and take over the castle as well. To what end, I have no idea.
Tyrion is getting careless and is far too in love with his prostitute, Shae. He plans to hide her in the kitchens in the castle because it's safer than her manse. I'm not sure he should keep her so close seeing how he loses 50 IQ points when she's nearby. She's a bit miffed at the idea of having to do actual work; I'm not sure long she'll stick around for that. At least Varys has the better idea of giving her a better station, as Lollys' maid.
Tyrion also learns that Penrose is dead and Varys uses some Scooby Doo logic to figure out that Stannis is using magic. We also get the awful back story of how Varys became a eunuch. I almost feel sorry for him, as does Tyrion. He is awfully clever, though. He seems to have figured out Edumure's plan to trap Tywin. Littlefinger is still missing; he must be up to something.
Tyrion is getting careless and is far too in love with his prostitute, Shae. He plans to hide her in the kitchens in the castle because it's safer than her manse. I'm not sure he should keep her so close seeing how he loses 50 IQ points when she's nearby. She's a bit miffed at the idea of having to do actual work; I'm not sure long she'll stick around for that. At least Varys has the better idea of giving her a better station, as Lollys' maid.
Tyrion also learns that Penrose is dead and Varys uses some Scooby Doo logic to figure out that Stannis is using magic. We also get the awful back story of how Varys became a eunuch. I almost feel sorry for him, as does Tyrion. He is awfully clever, though. He seems to have figured out Edumure's plan to trap Tywin. Littlefinger is still missing; he must be up to something.
Saturday 29 September 2018
ACoK 43: Jon 564
Jon wakes to the sound of horns blowing on top of the hill up beyond the wall, but it’s only Qhorin the Halfhand from the Shadow Tower returning from his scouting mission. Qhorin is another tough guy who responded to having most of his hand cut off by shoving the bloody stump in his attacker’s face to blind him and then kill him. He’s not to be messed with. A three way fight between him and GREGOR and the Greatjon would be fun to watch.
Anyway he’s killed Alfwyn Crowkiller and managed to find out that Mance Rayder is up in the mountains looking for an ancient magical artefact so he can smash the wall with sorcery. He wants to go and scout out the mountains to find out more, and he’s taking Jon Snow (or more accurately Jon Snow’s wolf, which he seems pretty interested in) with him.
ACoK 42: Davos 546
Stannis parleys with Cortnay Penrose, the castellan in charge of Storm’s End who won’t give up because even though he is besieged and outnumbered he won’t hand over Robert’s bastard son Edric Storm to Stannis. I have no idea what that is about.
Stannis is looking a bit old and haggard and has been having nightmares about murdering Renly, probably because he actually did murder him with Melisandre’s sorcery. We already know from Dany’s experiences that sorcery doesn’t come cheap, so it’s obviously this that’s taking its toll. Stannis does feel a bit guilty about dream-slaying his brother. He says, “I will go to my grave thinking of my brother’s peach.” Aw, how sweet!
Davos suggests going to attack King’s Landing straight away, since Tywin is distracted and heading for Lannisport. And we know (but Stannis probably doesn’t) that there aren’t many ships there, either, so it’s good advice. But Stannis isn’t going for it because leaving Storm’s End without winning would be a sign of weakness.
But not to worry, the woman in red Melisandre reckons the Lord of Light says Penrose won’t last the night, and with him dead the stripling Lord Meadows would be in charge of the castle and he’ll likely give in to Stannis.
Davos finds this all highly weird, and he’s right to worry: he ends up taking Melisandre to a secret tunnel under the castle where she… er... conjures a shadow assassin to slip through the portcullis and murder Penrose. Davos recognises Stannis’ shadow, too. Probably Stannis will look even more under the weather next time we see him.
Thursday 27 September 2018
ACoK 41: Tyrion 531
It was all going so well for Tyrion. Now he has a bad day. They're shipping Myrcella off to Dorne via the free city of Braavos because by being under the protection of a free city she'll be safer from Stannis. I can't help thinking that something might go wrong, there. If all goes well Myrcella will be betrothed and the co-operation of the Dornish will be secured. I hope it's worth it.
Anyway the royal parade from the docks to the castle doesn't go well. The crowd get agitated because they've been starving since the Lannisters were in charge. Joffrey's parentage is called into question, dung is thrown, Joff tells the Hound to get violent, and things turn nasty. The king escapes the crowd but not a good telling off and a kicking from Tyrion. Somehow Tyrion escapes a slapping from Cersei over this. Then they notice Sansa is missing! If she gets killed by the crowd the balance of hostages will be out of whack and it'll be curtains for Jaime. Luckily the Hound (also missing, presumed dead) finds her and rescues her (he must *really* like her -- I wonder if he will eventually turn on Joffrey). She's mainly upset about seeing someone's arm get chopped off.
No-one seems to care about Lady Tanda's daugter Lollys who is also missing, but she eventually does get found alive having had an unpleasant evening.
Rioting continues. There's only so much the city watch can do: their new recruits aren't of high quality and head of the watch Ser Jacelyn Bywater has fun telling Tyrion just how unpopular he is with the commoners. Tyrion is understandably a bit hurt, seeing as he's the only Lannister who has done anything to help them.
By the way, Littlefinger hasn't been seen since he went off to organise a marriage between Joffrey and a Tyrell at Bitterbridge. Tyrion wins his own chapter with this thought: "If I was Mace Tyrell, I would sooner have Joffrey's head on a pike than his cock in my daughter." Oh, and Tyrion is paying Cersei's new men (led by some chap called Kettleblack) more than Cersei is.
Overall things aren't looking good for the Lannisters. They need to get the war over with soon before they are ousted in a bloody revolution. But not too soon becuase they don't have any ships and Tyrion's Chain Thing is not finished yet, whatever that is.
Another thought: everyone in the castle seems to still be eating pretty well. Presumably enough gold can solve supply problems, but it's got to be costly. I know they are wealthy but this war is expensive. Will they run out of money? Does GRRM model the economics as much as he does the military strategy?
Anyway the royal parade from the docks to the castle doesn't go well. The crowd get agitated because they've been starving since the Lannisters were in charge. Joffrey's parentage is called into question, dung is thrown, Joff tells the Hound to get violent, and things turn nasty. The king escapes the crowd but not a good telling off and a kicking from Tyrion. Somehow Tyrion escapes a slapping from Cersei over this. Then they notice Sansa is missing! If she gets killed by the crowd the balance of hostages will be out of whack and it'll be curtains for Jaime. Luckily the Hound (also missing, presumed dead) finds her and rescues her (he must *really* like her -- I wonder if he will eventually turn on Joffrey). She's mainly upset about seeing someone's arm get chopped off.
No-one seems to care about Lady Tanda's daugter Lollys who is also missing, but she eventually does get found alive having had an unpleasant evening.
Rioting continues. There's only so much the city watch can do: their new recruits aren't of high quality and head of the watch Ser Jacelyn Bywater has fun telling Tyrion just how unpopular he is with the commoners. Tyrion is understandably a bit hurt, seeing as he's the only Lannister who has done anything to help them.
By the way, Littlefinger hasn't been seen since he went off to organise a marriage between Joffrey and a Tyrell at Bitterbridge. Tyrion wins his own chapter with this thought: "If I was Mace Tyrell, I would sooner have Joffrey's head on a pike than his cock in my daughter." Oh, and Tyrion is paying Cersei's new men (led by some chap called Kettleblack) more than Cersei is.
Overall things aren't looking good for the Lannisters. They need to get the war over with soon before they are ousted in a bloody revolution. But not too soon becuase they don't have any ships and Tyrion's Chain Thing is not finished yet, whatever that is.
Another thought: everyone in the castle seems to still be eating pretty well. Presumably enough gold can solve supply problems, but it's got to be costly. I know they are wealthy but this war is expensive. Will they run out of money? Does GRRM model the economics as much as he does the military strategy?
ACoK 40: Daenerys 519
Poor Dany. The Pureborn of Qarth are only interested in her dragons; they're not going to give her any money or ships or swords. How is she ever going to claim the Iron Throne? Even the wealth merchant Xaro Xhoan Daxos, who is giving her free board and lodgings and wants to marry her isn't interested in her body. It turns out if he marries her he'll get a free dragon and become the most powerful person in the city.
Dany also notices she doesn't know how to train dragons, which could be a problem when she's hoping to use them to rain fire from above onto the seven kingdoms.
Somehow because of the dragons magicians can do better tricks. That thing with the fire ladder looked like it might have been real magic, but then again David Copperfield made the Eiffel Tower disappear... If it is real magic, could the dragons also be making shadow assassins possible? Or are the dragons a symptom of whatever it is that's making the other weird stuff happen? Will we get a proper SFnal explanation for all this or is it all just gods and mysterious forces?
Anyway, the mysterious adviser Quaithe points out that Dany should leave before there is too much vested interest in her and her dragons staying, or she might be trapped. Good point. Dany does seem a bit out of her depth at times, unsurprisingly for a teenaged girl.
Ser Jorah thinks Dany should go east, just to get away. No idea how she's going to get ships or swords yet.
Dany also notices she doesn't know how to train dragons, which could be a problem when she's hoping to use them to rain fire from above onto the seven kingdoms.
Somehow because of the dragons magicians can do better tricks. That thing with the fire ladder looked like it might have been real magic, but then again David Copperfield made the Eiffel Tower disappear... If it is real magic, could the dragons also be making shadow assassins possible? Or are the dragons a symptom of whatever it is that's making the other weird stuff happen? Will we get a proper SFnal explanation for all this or is it all just gods and mysterious forces?
Anyway, the mysterious adviser Quaithe points out that Dany should leave before there is too much vested interest in her and her dragons staying, or she might be trapped. Good point. Dany does seem a bit out of her depth at times, unsurprisingly for a teenaged girl.
Ser Jorah thinks Dany should go east, just to get away. No idea how she's going to get ships or swords yet.
Tuesday 25 September 2018
Catelyn 503
Good grief, what a lot of information in this chapter. Let's see if I can break it down:
- Brienne has pledged service to Catelyn but still wants to kill Stannis, given the opportunity.
- Catelyn has made it from Storm's End via Bitterbridge back to Riverrun, where she gets updated by her brother Edmure, visits her dying father and agrees to write to her sister Lysa. Her father says Lysa had an affair with a "young stripling" before she was married. I wonder if that was Littlefinger.
- Tyrion's secret agents tried to rescue Jaime but Edmure caught them in the act and hung them. All the rest of Catelyn's men are now in the dungeon at Riverrun.
- Tywin is marching West but, Edmure thinks, not to Riverrun. Maybe to Oxcross or wherever Robb is by now.
- Edmure has a plan. He doesn't want to let Tywin cross his land without attacking him, but he doesn't have enough men (8000 foot and 3000 horse vs. Tywin's double that number) at Riverrun. So he will use the forces of the 10,000 men of Roose Bolton (who may or may not still be interested in Lady Hornwood's land) and the men garrisoned by Robb at The Twins led by Helman Tallhart, to take Harrenhal in Tywin's absence. If this works Tywin should end up trapped between Riverrun and Harrenhal, and surrounded by Edmure, Robb and Bolton.
- The Freys at The Twins might be a problem but two of them are warded/held hostage at Winterfell, Robb is going to marry another, and the Freys anyway have been loyal so far.
- Stannis is still besieging Ser Cortnay Penrose at Storm's End. No-one knows whether Stannis is going to be help or hindrance.
- King Robert's bastard son Edric Storm is at Storm's End and Stannis wants him for something, but I have no idea about his significance.
Arya 494
Lord Tywin is marching west. Arya wants to escape but she's scared Weese will cut her feet off. She bumps into Rorge who really does not know how to speak to a 9-year-old girl; luckily he's scared of Jaqen. She asks Jaqen to kill Weese and he obliges, but Arya thinks maybe she should have asked for someone more important to be killed, like Tywin. With Weese and Tywin gone, maybe she can finally escape.
Monday 24 September 2018
Theon 485
Theon has just finished sacking a fishing village. He questions Benfred Tallhart (another one of the Flower Knight's relatives) but Benfred isn't saying anything so Theon orders him killed. There's something about GRRM weak characters who can't do their own dirty work.
Uncle Aeron Damphair is the one sent to keep an eye on Theon, but Theon goes running off to Dagmer Cleftjaw, who is to Theon as the Hound is to Joffrey: the disfigured bodyguard/teacher. He's got a dastardly plan and appeals to Cleftjaw's pride to help him, but Cleftjaw sees right through that and knows it's Theon's pride that his injured.
The plan: defy Daddy's orders and leave the pillaging to Uncle Aeron and send Dagmer to beseige Torrhen's Square. Not to actually capture it but to draw out Stark forces, leaving Theon to take the real prize. No guesses what he means to do: it's all set up very neatly. Jojen has predicted the sea will attack Winterfell and Theon from the sea is going to atttack something. Hmmm. But this is GRRM so whenever anything looks predictable the reader should be suspicious...
By the way, Theon seems pretty annoyed at the way he was looked after at the Starks. I think Ned must have made him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.
Uncle Aeron Damphair is the one sent to keep an eye on Theon, but Theon goes running off to Dagmer Cleftjaw, who is to Theon as the Hound is to Joffrey: the disfigured bodyguard/teacher. He's got a dastardly plan and appeals to Cleftjaw's pride to help him, but Cleftjaw sees right through that and knows it's Theon's pride that his injured.
The plan: defy Daddy's orders and leave the pillaging to Uncle Aeron and send Dagmer to beseige Torrhen's Square. Not to actually capture it but to draw out Stark forces, leaving Theon to take the real prize. No guesses what he means to do: it's all set up very neatly. Jojen has predicted the sea will attack Winterfell and Theon from the sea is going to atttack something. Hmmm. But this is GRRM so whenever anything looks predictable the reader should be suspicious...
By the way, Theon seems pretty annoyed at the way he was looked after at the Starks. I think Ned must have made him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.
Tyrion 477
Tyrion finds out that Renly is dead, which is not great news because now everyone seems to be joining up with Stannis making for one big army which is probably headed his way soon. We also learn that Renly's corpse has vanished (more sorcery, or someone hiding a secret?). The Flower Knight Loras has gone a bit mad with rage and won't join up with Stannis, so Tyrion thinks maybe he can be charmed to their side, possibly by getting Joffrey to marry some female relative of his, Margaery Tyrell.
Littlefinger seems suspiciously keen to help out with that plot. And Cersei is suddenly being suspiciously nice to Tyrion. This can't end well.
Littlefinger seems suspiciously keen to help out with that plot. And Cersei is suddenly being suspiciously nice to Tyrion. This can't end well.
Bran 469
Bran gets mail. Robb has won a battle against Stafford Lannister. We already knew that, but Bran feels a bit meh about it because he has never heard of Stafford. I can relate to that: it's a feeling I often get reading ASoIaF. Anyway, the Walders Frey's uncle is dead. They're pretty ok about that, and Bran is still worried. Which *perfectly* matches what Jojen predicted in his dream about not liking his delicious supper and the Freys enjoying their scraps!
So now Bran believes everything Jojen says. Except he says that Bran is going to to be murdered soon and have his face cut off, so that's not great. Also there is a prediction about Winterfell being flooded by the sea, which everyone inexplicably takes literally despite being told the dreams are cryptic. Probably it means Stannis or the Greyjoys (the ones with ships) are going to attack.
Poor Lady Hornwood (who everyone was trying to marry for her lands) married Roose Bolton's bastard and ended up dead shortly after. Now there is some infighting amongst the northerners over the Hornwood land and there's not much anyone can do because the King in the North is busy fighting Lannisters. Why can't everyone just get along?
So now Bran believes everything Jojen says. Except he says that Bran is going to to be murdered soon and have his face cut off, so that's not great. Also there is a prediction about Winterfell being flooded by the sea, which everyone inexplicably takes literally despite being told the dreams are cryptic. Probably it means Stannis or the Greyjoys (the ones with ships) are going to attack.
Poor Lady Hornwood (who everyone was trying to marry for her lands) married Roose Bolton's bastard and ended up dead shortly after. Now there is some infighting amongst the northerners over the Hornwood land and there's not much anyone can do because the King in the North is busy fighting Lannisters. Why can't everyone just get along?
Sunday 23 September 2018
Jon 459
The Watch make camp at the top of a hill protected by an old wall. Ghost doesn't like it there and Grenn an Jon think it's spooky, which ordinarily would just be silly but we know there are Others and Children and invisible shadow assassins about. The plan is to sit on the hill burning fires and see if either Benjen Stark or Mance Rayder turn up.
Ghost does his best Lassie impression and leads Jon off into the woods. Jon almost gets lost in the woods following him. It's not Timmy stuck down a well, but a a cache of weapons (including some obsidian knives, which probably means something important*) wrapped up in what just might be uncle Benjen's cloak.
* Back in GoT Bran gets a lesson from Maester Luwin about the Children and how they used not metal but obsidian, "forged in the fires of the gods, far below the earth". Bran and Rickon both get obsidian arrow-heads to play with.
Ghost does his best Lassie impression and leads Jon off into the woods. Jon almost gets lost in the woods following him. It's not Timmy stuck down a well, but a a cache of weapons (including some obsidian knives, which probably means something important*) wrapped up in what just might be uncle Benjen's cloak.
* Back in GoT Bran gets a lesson from Maester Luwin about the Children and how they used not metal but obsidian, "forged in the fires of the gods, far below the earth". Bran and Rickon both get obsidian arrow-heads to play with.
Saturday 22 September 2018
Catelyn 449
Catelyn goes to pray in the village sept, and figures out that the Lannisters must have tried to kill Bran because he knew about the incest. Then Ser Robar fetches her back to Renly's tent where they have a chat about all that. But it makes no difference and Renly goes off to battle.
Except this is GRRM and what should obviously happen next never happens. Instead a shadow ghost slices Renly's throat mid-jest. No-one saw that one coming, though perhaps Stannis' glowing sword was a clue. He dies. Brienne is hysterical. Angry men come and attack her but Catelyn manages to convince Robar that it wasn't Brienne but a ghost who murdered Renly. No-one else is going to believe that story, though, so Catelyn and Brienne scarper. The camp is in chaos and now there won't be a battle because there is no leader. Stannis has won. Presumably his Red Priestess is somehow behind this sorcery.
So much for sorcery being the sauce used to hide the flavour of incompetence. This is real magic, seen by a reliable witness. It can't be something that happens every day because the maesters are all convinced that if there ever was magic then its power faded long ago. Something is changing in the world: the opposite of Tolkien's magic fading from Middle-earth. Maybe elves have arrived; maybe it's that comet and/or those dragons. Or maybe it's whatever is going on beyond the wall.
No doubt we will spend many frustrating chapters with nobody believing Catelyn or Brienne and everybody continuing to refuse to believe in magic despite more and more weird stuff happening. Or maybe GRRM will surprise us yet again.
Except this is GRRM and what should obviously happen next never happens. Instead a shadow ghost slices Renly's throat mid-jest. No-one saw that one coming, though perhaps Stannis' glowing sword was a clue. He dies. Brienne is hysterical. Angry men come and attack her but Catelyn manages to convince Robar that it wasn't Brienne but a ghost who murdered Renly. No-one else is going to believe that story, though, so Catelyn and Brienne scarper. The camp is in chaos and now there won't be a battle because there is no leader. Stannis has won. Presumably his Red Priestess is somehow behind this sorcery.
So much for sorcery being the sauce used to hide the flavour of incompetence. This is real magic, seen by a reliable witness. It can't be something that happens every day because the maesters are all convinced that if there ever was magic then its power faded long ago. Something is changing in the world: the opposite of Tolkien's magic fading from Middle-earth. Maybe elves have arrived; maybe it's that comet and/or those dragons. Or maybe it's whatever is going on beyond the wall.
No doubt we will spend many frustrating chapters with nobody believing Catelyn or Brienne and everybody continuing to refuse to believe in magic despite more and more weird stuff happening. Or maybe GRRM will surprise us yet again.
Friday 21 September 2018
Sansa 440
The blogoficeandfire guy didn't like Sansa and didn't care what happened to her because she was too stupid to live, but I feel sorry for her. Especially after this chapter where she has a really bad day.
Robb has been doing some of the fighting alluded to in previous chapters and beat up some Lannisters, so naturally Joffrey must punish Sansa for it. There is some medieval logic to it, I suppose: terrorise the sister to terrorise the brother and maybe he'll ease up on his peace demands to free her. But we all know Joff gets off on a bit of cruelty and this is just an excuse.
So he has his men beat poor Sansa up and they go at it with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Dontos tries to make a joke of it (supposedly he's trying to help her); the Hound tries to keep out of it and even tries to stop it; but Boros just loves beating up girls. In a bizarre twist it starts to turn in to some sort of bizarre niche humiliation porn, when thankfully Tyrion turns up and puts a stop to it. Interestingly the threat of telling his mum scares Joff.
Tyrion takes Sansa back to his place and looks after her. When she asks him about the story Joff spun about Robb using demon wargs to beat Stafford Lannister, Tyrion wins the chapter with his wisdom: "Sorcery is the sauce fools spoon over failure to hide the flavor of their incompetence." It's quite obvious Tyrion should be king.
Sansa decides to return to her own quarters so she can escape to the godswood and meet Dontos. What could possibly go wrong?
Robb has been doing some of the fighting alluded to in previous chapters and beat up some Lannisters, so naturally Joffrey must punish Sansa for it. There is some medieval logic to it, I suppose: terrorise the sister to terrorise the brother and maybe he'll ease up on his peace demands to free her. But we all know Joff gets off on a bit of cruelty and this is just an excuse.
So he has his men beat poor Sansa up and they go at it with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Dontos tries to make a joke of it (supposedly he's trying to help her); the Hound tries to keep out of it and even tries to stop it; but Boros just loves beating up girls. In a bizarre twist it starts to turn in to some sort of bizarre niche humiliation porn, when thankfully Tyrion turns up and puts a stop to it. Interestingly the threat of telling his mum scares Joff.
Tyrion takes Sansa back to his place and looks after her. When she asks him about the story Joff spun about Robb using demon wargs to beat Stafford Lannister, Tyrion wins the chapter with his wisdom: "Sorcery is the sauce fools spoon over failure to hide the flavor of their incompetence." It's quite obvious Tyrion should be king.
Sansa decides to return to her own quarters so she can escape to the godswood and meet Dontos. What could possibly go wrong?
Catelyn 426
Stannis has beseiged Renly's castle so Renly has ridden out there with part of his forces to see what's what, and before they get to fighting Catelyn thinks she can knock their heads together and snap them out of all this silliness.
Needless to say it doesn't work. Stannis is too rigid and thinks he's the rightful king and everyone should bend their knee and that's that. Renly thinks he'd be an awesome king and everyone will love him and that's all that matters. Renly wins the argument with sarcasm: "No one wants you for their king. Sorry." Renly and Catelyn are skeptical about the incest theory too.
Stannis has a very shiny sword. Maybe there is something in this Lord of Light business after all.
Catelyn rides back to Renly's camp. He's going to attack in the morning because he hasn't brought all his forces with him and he's got ahead of his supply lines so if they don't get on with it they'll all starve. This is just the sort of thing I was expecting from Renly: he's got the numbers but he hasn't got the skills. He's also sending Flower Boy to lead the van, which probably won't end well.
Needless to say it doesn't work. Stannis is too rigid and thinks he's the rightful king and everyone should bend their knee and that's that. Renly thinks he'd be an awesome king and everyone will love him and that's all that matters. Renly wins the argument with sarcasm: "No one wants you for their king. Sorry." Renly and Catelyn are skeptical about the incest theory too.
Stannis has a very shiny sword. Maybe there is something in this Lord of Light business after all.
Catelyn rides back to Renly's camp. He's going to attack in the morning because he hasn't brought all his forces with him and he's got ahead of his supply lines so if they don't get on with it they'll all starve. This is just the sort of thing I was expecting from Renly: he's got the numbers but he hasn't got the skills. He's also sending Flower Boy to lead the van, which probably won't end well.
Arya 413
Arya's new job mainly involves scrubbing floors until her hands bleed. At least she gets the occasional pie from Hot Pie who works in the kitchens. And she gets to hear the odd bit of news by eavesdropping on the conversations of the high and mighty, who say far too much in earshot of the servants. She finds out Robb is at Riverrun which is closer than Winterfell, and starts plotting her escape. Lord Cerwyn is a prisoner and maybe he can help her...except he dies from his wounds.
Her list of people she hates and will one day have killed grows longer. Luckily Jaqen H'ghar turns up, and since she threw him an axe and saved him and his two friends from the fire the night Yoren was killed in the raid by Ser Amory, he offers to kill three people for her in return.
Arya can't decide who to have killed, but when she hears GREGOR's man Chyswick boasting how they gang raped an inn-keeper's daughter in front of her father, the decision gets a bit easier for her.
Her list of people she hates and will one day have killed grows longer. Luckily Jaqen H'ghar turns up, and since she threw him an axe and saved him and his two friends from the fire the night Yoren was killed in the raid by Ser Amory, he offers to kill three people for her in return.
Arya can't decide who to have killed, but when she hears GREGOR's man Chyswick boasting how they gang raped an inn-keeper's daughter in front of her father, the decision gets a bit easier for her.
Tyrion 403
The smug boy Lancel comes to fetch Tyrion because Cersei is cross with him again, on account of all the stuff he did when she was stuck on the toilet. She wants him to release Pycelle and arrest Jacelyn for defying her about releasing Pycelle.
Lancel acts all tough until Tyrion threatens to tell Joff that he's screwing his mother. At which point he starts bricking it, which he should do because we all know how Joff treats people who even slightly annoy him...
So now Lancel is working for Tyrion, at least until everyone finds out what is going on and Lancel ends up dead. He goes off to tell Cersei that Tyrion is going to free Pycelle but protect Ser Jacelyn.
After all that Tyrion can't sleep so he goes to visit Shae. It's a wonder he has any energy left after all the effort he has to go to to get to her house. Tyrion is far too in love with his prostitute girlfriend. This can not end well.
Lancel acts all tough until Tyrion threatens to tell Joff that he's screwing his mother. At which point he starts bricking it, which he should do because we all know how Joff treats people who even slightly annoy him...
So now Lancel is working for Tyrion, at least until everyone finds out what is going on and Lancel ends up dead. He goes off to tell Cersei that Tyrion is going to free Pycelle but protect Ser Jacelyn.
After all that Tyrion can't sleep so he goes to visit Shae. It's a wonder he has any energy left after all the effort he has to go to to get to her house. Tyrion is far too in love with his prostitute girlfriend. This can not end well.
Bran 393
Bran hangs out with Meera and Jojen who are his new best friends now that everyone else has gone home after the big party. Apparently Jojen has "greensight" which is some sort of ESP power, and they think Bran has the same power on account of his dreams and wolf mind-melding.
Bran is so freaked out by this he mind-melds with Summer and she attacks Meera and Jojen, but they seem pretty cool about it, because Jojen knows this is not the day he dies.
Maester Luwin is highly skeptical, being a man of science, but there comes a point when there is so much evidence you ought to start believing in magic. One of these days Bran will make a solid prediction about something he could not otherwise have known and then everyone, including Bran, will believe in his magic powers.
Bran is so freaked out by this he mind-melds with Summer and she attacks Meera and Jojen, but they seem pretty cool about it, because Jojen knows this is not the day he dies.
Maester Luwin is highly skeptical, being a man of science, but there comes a point when there is so much evidence you ought to start believing in magic. One of these days Bran will make a solid prediction about something he could not otherwise have known and then everyone, including Bran, will believe in his magic powers.
Daenerys 383
Dany arrives in Qarth, a big fancy, colourful Eastern city. Because she's got dragons everyone is desperate to do anything for her. I wonder what they think is in it for them?
On the one hand she has Pryat Pree, a warlock, who she doesn't trust because she's skeptical about sorcery after that terrible business with the maegi Mirri Maz. But she asks him for ships and swords anyway and he goes off cheerfully to fetch them.
On the other hand is Quaithe the shadowbinder who doesn't say much but warns Dany not to trust the people who are only interested in her dragons.
And then there is Xaro Xhoan Daxos the rich merchant who has a really big house with a bath and everything. So Dany goes and stays at his place.
A ship's captain turns up and gives her news from Westeros. Dany finally finds out that Robert is dead and everyone is fighting each other. It's the perfect time to invade and reclaim the throne. If only she had an army.
On the one hand she has Pryat Pree, a warlock, who she doesn't trust because she's skeptical about sorcery after that terrible business with the maegi Mirri Maz. But she asks him for ships and swords anyway and he goes off cheerfully to fetch them.
On the other hand is Quaithe the shadowbinder who doesn't say much but warns Dany not to trust the people who are only interested in her dragons.
And then there is Xaro Xhoan Daxos the rich merchant who has a really big house with a bath and everything. So Dany goes and stays at his place.
A ship's captain turns up and gives her news from Westeros. Dany finally finds out that Robert is dead and everyone is fighting each other. It's the perfect time to invade and reclaim the throne. If only she had an army.
Arya 375
GREGOR has raided a village and is keeping everyone prisoner in the storehouse. He spends a few days having his man Tickler torture them to death while he questions the about the whereabouts of gold and the strength of Lord Beric's forces. He doesn't figure out who Arya is.
Hot Pie finally finds out that Arry is a girl when she has to piss in front of everyone on the march to Harrenhal. She starts keeping a list of all the people she hates. When they arrive at Harrenhal Arya, who names herself Weasel, is given a job working for Weese. All these names are not confusing at all. If she works hard all her life she might end up in charge of some slaves just like Weese. It's all a bit of a come-down, really.
Hot Pie finally finds out that Arry is a girl when she has to piss in front of everyone on the march to Harrenhal. She starts keeping a list of all the people she hates. When they arrive at Harrenhal Arya, who names herself Weasel, is given a job working for Weese. All these names are not confusing at all. If she works hard all her life she might end up in charge of some slaves just like Weese. It's all a bit of a come-down, really.
Tyrion 360
Tyrion finds Cersei hanging out with young Ser Lancel. I keep getting him mixed up with Loras the Flower knight. Lancel is another enormous dick in the Theon/Joffrey mould.
Tyrion tells Cersei that Stannis has sailed, which scares her to death until she finds out he's attacking Renly. They all have a good laugh about how the Baratheon brothers are fighting each other instead of attacking the Lannisters. Which is pretty stupid but I'm sure the Lannisters won't be getting the last laugh.
They drink to Renly's and Stannis' health but Tyrion puts something in Cersei's drink that gives her the runs so that he can sit on the throne for a day while she sits on her other throne. He has a pretty busy day: he sends Cleos back to Riverrun with all of Cersei's soldiers, along with some secret agents who are going to try to rescue Jaime; he tries to help Ser Alliser of The Watch by letting him have some men from the dungeons (but Alliser is peeved no-one believes him about the zombies); he disappoints Littlefinger about sending Myrcella to Lysa (because Pycelle leaked that she was going to the Prince of Dorne to marry his son) which presumably means Littlefinger won't be getting Harenhall; and he pays a visit to Pycelle to have Shagga give him a close shave and throw him in the dungeon.
Pycelle summarises a lot of stuff: it was Pycelle who got mad king Aerys to open his gates to that Robert could attack and Jaime kill him; and a squire called Hugh (the one GREGOR killed in the tourney) poisoned Jon Arryn because Cersei wanted him dead because Arryn found out about the Jaime/Cersei incest/bastard-making.
Shagga wins the chapter with the line: "Once I cut off a man's head, but he did no know it until he tried to brush his hair. Then it fell off."
Tyrion tells Cersei that Stannis has sailed, which scares her to death until she finds out he's attacking Renly. They all have a good laugh about how the Baratheon brothers are fighting each other instead of attacking the Lannisters. Which is pretty stupid but I'm sure the Lannisters won't be getting the last laugh.
They drink to Renly's and Stannis' health but Tyrion puts something in Cersei's drink that gives her the runs so that he can sit on the throne for a day while she sits on her other throne. He has a pretty busy day: he sends Cleos back to Riverrun with all of Cersei's soldiers, along with some secret agents who are going to try to rescue Jaime; he tries to help Ser Alliser of The Watch by letting him have some men from the dungeons (but Alliser is peeved no-one believes him about the zombies); he disappoints Littlefinger about sending Myrcella to Lysa (because Pycelle leaked that she was going to the Prince of Dorne to marry his son) which presumably means Littlefinger won't be getting Harenhall; and he pays a visit to Pycelle to have Shagga give him a close shave and throw him in the dungeon.
Pycelle summarises a lot of stuff: it was Pycelle who got mad king Aerys to open his gates to that Robert could attack and Jaime kill him; and a squire called Hugh (the one GREGOR killed in the tourney) poisoned Jon Arryn because Cersei wanted him dead because Arryn found out about the Jaime/Cersei incest/bastard-making.
Shagga wins the chapter with the line: "Once I cut off a man's head, but he did no know it until he tried to brush his hair. Then it fell off."
Theon 342
Theon has been away for a while so he doesn't recognise his sister who seduces him. It's pretty hilarious because Theon is an enormous dick who deserves a bit of humilation, but that's a pretty weird trick for his sister to play. Poor Theon just wants the townsfolk to recognise him, and respect him, and go to war for him. Instead everyone laughs at him and his dad gives him a few paltry ships to go raping and pillaging with, while his sister Asha gets to command the main fleet and attack a proper castle (Deepwood Motte, wherever that is).
At this point I'm pretty sure that a woman is going to end up on the iron throne, GRRM does like to show us how the sensible strong women can get the better of the idiot crowing men.
At this point I'm pretty sure that a woman is going to end up on the iron throne, GRRM does like to show us how the sensible strong women can get the better of the idiot crowing men.
Jon 321
The Night's Watch expedition beyond the wall rocks up at Craster's house. Craster is an off-grid homesteader, except that he kills all the boys and has sex with his daughters, so it's just him and his wife-daughter-neice-granddaughter-cousins. I'm starting to get that incest is a bit of a GRRM theme. In return for a nice axe and a crossbow, Mormont gets Craster to tell Sam how to draw a map of where Mance Rayder the raider is these days. Sam sends one of Craster's daughter-wives to Jon for help escaping, but Jon can't help her.
Mormont says Craster has to give the boys to his "cruel gods". I think it's probably the Others.
Mormont says Craster has to give the boys to his "cruel gods". I think it's probably the Others.
Catelyn 303
Catelyn finds out Robb is planning to march somewhere, but not to Harrenhal. He sends her to go and talk to Renly who is on his way to King's Landing.
Renly has a vast host, doesn't appear to be in any hurry, and lets his knights play at tourneys. He likes to dress up and have parties and be charming. This means he is probably going to suck at battles. It says a lot that his top knight is Ser Loras Tyrell, the handsome flowery one that Sansa fancied. Loras gets beaten by a girl, Brienne. Tough tomboys seem to be a bit of a GRRM theme.
Catelyn tries to get Renly to join forces with Robb but Renly isn't having it unless Robb bends his knee. Renly seems a bit overconfident in his numbers. My guess is they've been charmed and well fed by him, but as soon as he does badly in a battle they'll all desert him.
Stannis has attacked Renly's castle, Storm's End.
Renly has a vast host, doesn't appear to be in any hurry, and lets his knights play at tourneys. He likes to dress up and have parties and be charming. This means he is probably going to suck at battles. It says a lot that his top knight is Ser Loras Tyrell, the handsome flowery one that Sansa fancied. Loras gets beaten by a girl, Brienne. Tough tomboys seem to be a bit of a GRRM theme.
Catelyn tries to get Renly to join forces with Robb but Renly isn't having it unless Robb bends his knee. Renly seems a bit overconfident in his numbers. My guess is they've been charmed and well fed by him, but as soon as he does badly in a battle they'll all desert him.
Stannis has attacked Renly's castle, Storm's End.
Bran 293
Bran goes to a party. He mind-melds with his wolf. Lady Meera of House Reed and her brother Jojen of Greywater Watch (not much older than Bran) turn up to pledge allegiance. Apparently they live in mud and eat frogs. They want to see the Direwolves.
Everyone starts dancing but Bran can't, so he goes to bed and dreams that he is Summer and Meera and Jojen are in the wood.
Everyone starts dancing but Bran can't, so he goes to bed and dreams that he is Summer and Meera and Jojen are in the wood.
Tyrion 279
Tyrion visits the pyromancers/alchemists deep under the Red Keep. He manages not to get blown up. The pyromancers want to show off to King Joff but the last thing anyone wants is Joffrey playing with explosives.
Cleos Frey turns up with his Robb's peace terms. Tyrion thinks a bit of back and forth with messages relaying unacceptable terms will be an excellent time-waster. He tells Jacelyn to make sure Robb's men don't get to see what a hellhole the city is becoming and what the prophets are ranting about.
Cersei has found out Tyrion want Myrcella to marry the Dornishman Prince Doran, which means Maester Pycelle has been leaking secrets. Tyrion gets slapped about for his trouble, but at least he makes Cersei cry.
Strategy-wise, Tyrion thinks Robb can't march on King's Landing without taking Harrenhal first, because Tywin would come to the rescue otherwise. And Robb isn't strong enough to take Harrenhal.
Cleos Frey turns up with his Robb's peace terms. Tyrion thinks a bit of back and forth with messages relaying unacceptable terms will be an excellent time-waster. He tells Jacelyn to make sure Robb's men don't get to see what a hellhole the city is becoming and what the prophets are ranting about.
Cersei has found out Tyrion want Myrcella to marry the Dornishman Prince Doran, which means Maester Pycelle has been leaking secrets. Tyrion gets slapped about for his trouble, but at least he makes Cersei cry.
Strategy-wise, Tyrion thinks Robb can't march on King's Landing without taking Harrenhal first, because Tywin would come to the rescue otherwise. And Robb isn't strong enough to take Harrenhal.
Intro
I am reading A Song of Ice and Fire for the first time in 2018 having not seen the TV show. I enjoyed reading along with https://blogoficeandfire.blogspot.com/ but that abruptly ended, and I miss it.
I thought it might be helpful to keep my own notes. Maybe I will write in an irreverent style.
This is mainly for my own amusement. I make no promises about quality, usefulness, or discipline.
I’ll enable comments when I am up to date with the books.
I thought it might be helpful to keep my own notes. Maybe I will write in an irreverent style.
This is mainly for my own amusement. I make no promises about quality, usefulness, or discipline.
I’ll enable comments when I am up to date with the books.
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