AFfC 24: Cersei 386

Margery is getting Tommen to stand up for himself against Cersei a bit. She's annoyed because she's waited her whole life to get a bit of power, goddammit, and she will jolly well enjoy it at least until Tommen is "of age", which is probably about 12 in Westeros. Or maybe 16. For now he wants Loras to teach him to joust but Cersei fobs him off with kittens because she doesn't want Tyrells having too much influence over him.

At one point Cersei accidentally lets slip that Jamie is Tommen's father and Margaery catches on. Good grief, Cersei, you are not going to last long if you don't watch your tongue!

• Wyman Manderley has apparently beheaded Davos, so Cersei is going to send him his son forthwith. Presumably the son was somehow rescued from Harrenhal.
• Bolton is closing on Moat Cailin
• Once they have Moat Cailin they can join with the Ironmen to capture Torrhen's Square and Deepwood Motte and get the northmen to join them.
• Mace Tyrell is ineffectually bombarding Storm's End.
• The Braavosi want their gold and Cersei says they can wait until after the rebellion has been put down.
• Osney Kettleblack is still trying to seduce Margaery. She is supposedly interested but they are never alone so Cersei plans to fix that. However I suspect Margaery is more clever than Cersei.
• Not-quite-maester Qyburn gives Cersei news that should warn her Dany may be causing trouble across the sea, but she does not spot this.
• Not-quite-maester Qyburn gives Cersei news that should warn her trouble is brewing in Dorne, but she does not spot this.
• Qyburn is still doing vivisection or some-such. No good will come of this.
• The smallfolk are making puppet shows about the Lannisters being corrupt and Cersei wants to put an end to this.
• Cersei has no clue about smallfolk, as demonstrated by docking their pay for the full cost of stupid dresses damaged in the wash.
• Cersei cooks up a plot to get Ser Balman Byrch to kill Bronn.

At the end of the chapter we learn that Cersei wanted to marry Rhaegar all along, was told she would marry him, much as Sansa was told she would marry Joffrey and was happy about it. Cersei was devastated when mad Aerys refused Tywin's offer of his daughter. If Rhaegar did marry Cersei he would not have fallen in love with Lyanna (who Robert Baratheon loved) and the rebellion wouldn't have happened and everyone would be living peacefully under Targaryen rule like they were supposed to.

AFfC 23: Alayne 368

Well Sansa. But she is pretending to be Petyr's daughter. He makes her kiss him. And that awful Robert boy is just awful. I don't blame Sansa for wanting to give him to the Lords Declarant. They want to raise him up to be a great knight: good luck with that. They also want Petyr to leave the valley. Instead he pulls a trick where he gets Lyn Corbray to pretend to threaten him in his own house, so that he can threaten to arrest the others. This works, and they give him a year to rule the valley before deciding whether he's up to the job. He'll have made sure they're all neutered by then, one way or another.

All of this is not much fun for Sansa but it is probably good schooling. Maybe she'll come out of it able to scheme and plot with the best of them.

AFfC 22: Arya 350

Arya is still praying for GREGOR's death but he is dead now; I'm pretty sure of it. His head is on its way to Dorne. She is hanging out with the Faceless Men of Braavos. She is expected not only to serve (valar dohaeris means all men must serve), but to give her entire being over to service. No playing with swords or otherwise being Arya Stark is to be allowed. So she goes for a walk and naturally strips all her clothes off and throws everything into the river. Except for Needle, which she hides under a stone step. Then she gets accepted as a full member of the temple. And sent off to go and work for a Fishmonger called Brusco to learn better to speak Braavosi.

As usual there is some mystery about just how much the Faceless Men are magical and how much they are tricksters. But it's basically a cult about freedom from slavery by dying, which doesn't sound particularly healthy. Then again the people who come to the temple to die seem pretty peaceful and happy about it, which is better than dying in agony from festering wounds but also slightly suspicious.

The other main message from this chapter is that we really should feel sad for Arya, who has lost everything and seems to have no place in the world, to the extent that she's fallen in with a sinister death cult. I'm pretty sure she's going to come out of this even more badass than she already is, though. Maybe she'll team up with Dany and together they will conquer all of Westeros.

AFfC 21: The Queenmaker 335

Quentyn to presumably become ruler of Dorne, but she thinks it won't be enough. She learns from Arys that Tywin is dead. So that news has now reached Dorne. She thinks Cersei will be easier to deal with.

It is also made very clear (surprise surprise) that she's just using Arys. He might be all right in the sack but she thinks he is dim-witted.

All she has to do is reach Hellholt (sounds like a lovely place) and crown Myrcella. So obviously it goes wrong. They reach an appointed boat crossing and Areo Hotah is waiting. Arys tries to fight but gets his head chopped off. Arianne goes completely to pieces, which makes me wonder how effective at Queenmaking she could ever have been anyway. Myrcella is on the ground having a fit with her head in her hands and blood everywhere. I think she could be dead. That will probably get Cersei to attack the Dornish, which probably won't go well as it sounds like even the Targaryens had trouble with them thanks to the hot climate which is not conducive to fighting in armour.

Oh dear, what a mess.

AFfC 20: Brienne 314

Nimble Dick leads Brienne across the countryside towards the Whispers, a castle where he says he took the Jester. Nimble Dick wins the chapter with his trope-busting no-nonsense advice about magic swords. "The Perfect Knight? The perfect fool he sounds like. What's the point o' having some magic sword if you don't bloody well use it?" Brienne invokes a trope about honour. "Ser Clarence Crabb would have wiped his hairy arse with your Perfect Knight, m'lady. If they'd ever have met, there'd be one more bloody head sitting on the shelf at the Whispers, you ask me. 'I should have used the magic sword,' it'd be saying to all the other heads. 'I should have used the bloody sword.'"

This does Brienne the world of good when she turns up at the castle and it's not Dontos and Sansa but remnants of Vargo Hoat's men. She kills them all with her Valyrian steel sword. Winning the chapter doesn't do Nimble Dick any good: he gets buried.

In other possible trope-busting, the obvious scoundrel turns out to be trustworthy. Or possibly it's more that Brienne didn't give him a chance to run off with all her gold.

Now she thinks that Sansa is at Riverrun. It's actually Arya who was headed for Riverrun.  But she didn't get there. Brienne's quest is not going well.

Nimble Dick did make the possibly prescient point that Crack-claw folk are "all good dragons". There may be some useful support for Dany there, when she turns up.

AFfC 19: The Drowned Man 299

It's Kingsmoot time. Thankfully it's not like and Entmoot; it's over in an afternoon. After a bunch of hopless idiots, we have Victarion, Asha and Euron. Asha wants to live in peace. Euron wants to conquer the universe. Victarion is the moderate. Nobody we have met so far wants Euron to win because he is terrifying. Naturally the crowd choose him because he has a big horn and hands out the best goody bags.

AFfC 18: The Iron Captain 286

Hopeful heir to the Seastone Chair of the Iron Islands Victarion goes to the Kingsmoot. We learn that Moat Cailin has been left in command of someone called Ralf Kenning. Probably it would be easier to take now than ever, but I'm not sure the Lannisters or Stannis are aware of this. Asha tries to get Victarion to let her be Hand in return for support, but he doesn't go for it because she wants to just live happily in the islands and not conquer anything.

We also lear that Victarion has had a bit of trouble with wives and his brother Euron, who got his wife pregnant then made him kill her. Is that worse than what GREGOR did to the Hound? Westerosi nobles really do have terrible families, have I said that before?

Asha wins the chapter when Jon Myre complains that her father let her think she was a man. "Your father made the same mistake with you."

AFfC 17: Cersei 267

Someone brings the wrong dwarf's head to Cersei. Could it be the dwarf Brienne met a few chapters back? Oh yes, page 153: "His nose was veined and bulbous." Cersei observes that this wrong dwarf's nose is "a rather bulbous one". GRRM doesn't do this by accident. Oh yes, and he said he was a "sparrow", which is some religious thing I think, same as Brienne's dwarf. Cersei doesn't mind killing all the dwarfs, though, to get to Tyrion.

Qyburn is the new Varys, since Cersei just announced it and supposedly all of Varys' old informers came running. I don't think he will be as effective, though, since even Cersei notices he doesn't have the same level of background contextual knowledge; the kind which is useful for making sense of whispers.

GREGOR is seemingly dead. Qyburn has his head in a nice box to send to Prince Doran. Cersei is annoyed with Doran Martell. She should not be: he's her only friend in Dorne as far as I can tell.

Cersei has installed her council of lackeys and suckups:

• Qyburn replaces Varys
• Orton Merryweather is not the hand but a dim-witted judge.
• Gyles Rosby is the blood-coughing treasurer.
• Aurane Waters is the admiral.
• Harys Swyft is Hand. He's also dim-witted and Kevan's father-in-law, which is supposed to keep Kevan at bay.

The council is a handy situation report. Let my try to summarise:

• Balon Swann of the Kingsguard is going to Sunspear with GREGOR's head and to do something else secret. Rescue Myrcella probably.
• Lots of sparrows (some sort of religious cult, as met by Brienne on the road some chapters back) are coming to the city and they are outspoken about Rh'llor being a demon god and about the Red Wedding being a terrible crime possibly instigated by Lannisters.
• The Septon appointed by Tyrion is dead; no-doubt Cersei had a hand in this.
• A bunch of lords are planning to overthrow Littlefinger, but Littlefinger is unconcerned and Cersei mainly wishes he'd come back and be treasurer again. She tells the Lords to harm Littlefinger.
• Cersei is going to delay paying debts to the Iron Bank in Braavos and to the Sept in order to build ships. No doubt that will cause trouble later.
• Lord Frey wants more land; Cersei wants him dead so she can tell his heirs to blame inconvenient relatives for the Red Wedding and kill them to placate the Red Wedding complainers.
• There is a Golden Company of mercenaries no longer working for Myr and the Myrish (where Taena Merryweather is from?). They might be working for Stannis, but if so why are they going towards Volantis? It's on the way to Meereen: could they be joining Dany?
• Lord Tyrell is going to attack Stannis's Storm's End
• The Freys are beseiging Riverrun (but aren't' they also supposed to be helping Bolton take Moat Cailin?)
• Daven Lannister is new the warden of the West and is helping the Freys with Riverrun.
• Lord Paxter Redwyne has ships which are attaking Stannis's Dragonstone.
• Stannis helping wildlings is expected to annoy the Northmen into joining Roose Bolton to help take Moat Cailin from the Ironmen.
• Wyman Manderley from White Harbor is on the brink of joining with the Lannisters, if only they can rescue his heir from Harrenhal (where he was previously held by GREGOR).
• Davos is in a cell at White Harbor after Stannis sent him to bring Manderley to his side. Cersei has asked Manderley to chop off his head. Somehow I don't think Davos will end up that way.
• There are rumours of dragons which Cersei is not taking seriously.
• Neither is Cersei taking the Night's Watch seriously.

Cersei still thinks Sansa helped Tyrion kill Joffrey and she means to kill Sansa. She thinks Arya is already dead and that Fake Araya will ensure Bolton gets Winterfell. But, of course, Littlefinger is ambitious and has Sansa and it turns out he is behind the Fake Arya scheme and can presumably end it at his convenience.

Catelyn hatches a plan with Taena's help to have the younger, non-Kingsguard Kettleblack Osney seduce Maergery. Then she can behead Maergery, send Osney to the wall with a hundred fake Watch volunteers to take out Jon Snow. She's relying on Jon being as trusting as his dad was.

How GRRM keeps track of all this I have no idea.

AFfC 16: Jaime 254

Jaime has a chat with his uncle Kevan Lannister who is leaving the city. Jaime wants him to capture Riverrun, but Kevan basically can't be arsed any more and just wants to go home to Darry so his ailing son Lancel can get married. Jaime realises it's true that Kevan knows about the incest. Mace Tyrell is on his way to Storm's End to capture it. Paxter Redwyne is on his way to Dragonstone to capture that. Success at these would presumably put an end to Stannis, except that Stannis is still up at the wall.

We learn that Lollys and Bronn have named Lollys' bastard Tyrion. Cersei has a mysterious gift in mind for the boy, which Jaime thinks involves killing Bronn. That would make sense. I wonder if Bronn is harbouring Tyrion.

We learn that Mad King Aerys only performed his marital duty after killing someone, and that he wasn't exactly the most tender lover. Yet more reason to forgive Jaime for being a Kingslayer. There's still the whole pushing Bran out of the window thing, though.

We learn that Taena Merryweather was spying on Cersei for Maergery but is now spying on Maergery for Cersei as well as feeding her with what Cersei wants her to know. Cersei has learned from her that the hilarious old lady Olenna Tyrell pays people in old coins. Like the old coin Jaime found in the jailer's quarters? Is that somehow a clue for Jaime to Joffrey's real killer? It seems significant, anyway.

Cersei is relying on Roose Bolton and Freys to deal with Stannis. She's planning to install Taena Merryweather's husband Owen as Hand. Jaime thinks him ineffectual. Cersei thinks only weak rulers need help and that strong rulers like her just need lackeys. Oh boy, that is not going to end well. She's going to put someone called Aurene Waters in charge of the Navy, but aside from the nominal determinism Jaime thinks he's useless too. Jaime doesn't trust ex-maester Qyburn either.

Jaime is still jealous of Osmund Kettleblack and Lancel.

Jaime has a mysterious chat with Loras Tyrell the flower knight who Jaime thinks is a younger and more whole version of himself. He talks about various previous members of the Kingsguard who have broken their vows in various ways. He finishes up by talking about Criston Cole the Kingmaker. I think he's been mentioned before by Asha in the context of being the one who prevented a woman from ascending to the Iron Throne. Is Jaime plotting to have Lancel put an end to Cersei's de-facto reign, somehow?

AFfC 15: Samwell 242

Sam is seasick. Everyone is seasick, except Maester Aemon who gets hypothermia. Ryanair would be better than this.

Sam is dreading seeing his father, but wants to see his mother. He's also not that keen on becoming a maester, but I reckon he'll probably warm to that.

We learn that Night's Watch brother Dareon has been sent off to go recruiting. He will replace Yoren, who mysteriously went missing (killed by GREGOR's men who later captured Arya, if I remember rightly). We also learn that Gilly has had to leave her real baby behind at Castle Black in order to stop Melisandre from getting the other baby who might have royal blood. That's a pretty sucky thing for Jon to do by any measure, no matter how much Aemon defends it as the best of multiple difficult choices. Sam is especially pissed off since he went to considerable effort to get Gilly and her baby to Castle Black in the first place.

AFfC 14: Brienne 224

Brienne and Pod travel to Maidenpool. She learns about the Hound and Lord Beric and his outlaws. She also learns that Lysa is dead and Littlefinger is in charge of the Eyrie for now. She's planning on going there anyway, hopefully just in the nick of time to save Sansa.

She meets up with her old friends from Bitterbridge, where she had ridden to Renly's side only to be horribly mocked and teased for being a woman daring to fight. They take her to see Randyll Tarly, who at Bitterbridge had blamed her for daring to be a woman hanging out around soldiers. All Brienne had wanted was to fight for Renly. Now Tarly is in charge of Maidenpool. He doesn't know where Sansa Stark is but he does know that Lysa Stark is dead and that makes Brienne think that Sansa is unlikely to be at the Eyrie. So close and yet so far!

Instead she meets Nimble Dick who tells her he tricked the fool and two girls who thought they were buying passage across the narrow sea. For a price he will take Brienne to the two girls, whoever they are. But he's probably trying to fool Brienne as well. I wonder how that works out for him.

AFfC 13: The Soiled Knight 208

Ser Arys Oakheart, who I'd forgotten about, was sent by Tyrion to look after Myrcella, who was sent by Tyrion to marry a Dornish prince for the purpose of uniting families. Possibly it was also to prevent Arys from beating Sansa too much at Joffrey's command. Anyway, it turns out Doran Martell thinks Myrcella is in danger from those who might want to precipitate a war with the Lannisters. So naturally Arys leaves her alone in the castle and goes off to fuck Doran's daughter. She then blatantly uses him for her own political schemes, namely trying to precipitate war by trying to put Myrcella on the Iron Throne. He's even more in thrall to his dick than Tyrion, this guy. I'm not sure vows of chastity are all that productive, to be honest.

AFfC 12: Cersei

Oh good grief it's another wedding. Hold onto your hats everyone! It's mostly a dull affair this time around, though. Cersei doesn't love Jaime any more. Word is getting around that the Hound has joined Lord Beric. But not that Catelyn has. Cersei remembers going to see an old fortune teller called Maggy who promised that Cersei would be queen until a younger queen came along to replace her. It's not exactly the prediction of the decade, that one, is it? But it makes Cersei paranoid about Margaery. But she probably should be. Margaery does seem particularly smooth with the social graces, in an annoying and suspicious way. And Cersei is told that one of her personal assistants is spying on her for Margaery.

To liven up proceedings, Cersei burns down a tower with magnesium. Then she sends Jaime off to make sure Margaery doesn't attempt to consummate the marriage, and goes herself to consummate something with a Kettleblack. Jaime will be happy, then.

AFfC 11: The Kraken's Daughter 178

Asha has come home to the Iron Islands from conquering on the mainland to get involved in all the choosing-a-new-king business. There's some family reunion stuff to deal with, like telling her mother about the fate of her probably- (and therefore almost certainly not) dead brother. There's a lovesick highschool sweetheart who is probably going to turn into a murderous incel at some point. For now, since Asha knows the path to true equality of the sexes and arms herself, she has the upper hand over him.

There's some doubt over whether Balon really did just accidentally fall off a bridge. There is an uncle who likes reading history (he prefers his history dead, because it is written in ink, instead of alive, where it is written in blood; very good). And there is the business of the kingsmoot, which is a turn-up for the books to Asha, but she's going to make the most of it by going there and trying to become queen.

AFfC 10: Sansa 163

Sansa is now in the unlucky position of having to cover up for Petyr Littlefinger's murder of her aunt Lysa. If she doesn't go along with this Petyr will probably end up dead and where does that leave Sansa? Also she is somewhat grateful that Petyr saved her from being murdered by Lysa, and apparently not clever enough to realise (or perhaps the truth is too terrible to contemplate) that he arranged that by kissing Sansa in full view of Lysa.

Everyone seems to agree that the various lords of the vale aren't going to be too happy with Petyr being in charge of the Eyrie. So he invites one of them up (Nestor) and flatters him into thinking that Lysa wanted him to inherit the castle at the bottom of the mountain that protects the approach to the Eyrie. He also makes sure (with some confusion over signatures) that Nestor has a vested interest in Petyr continuing to be in charge or the Eyrie. So that bit of the nine dimensional chessboard is sewn up. Meanwhile Sansa must continue to pretend to be his daughter, and the horrible little Lord Robert thinks of her as his new mother. Good grief what an unpleasant and dull existence. To think Sansa at one point thought she was going to be married to a handsome and chivalrous king of Westeros.

It's almost certain that Petyr is heading for a fall. And it will be a big one. But what is his next move?

AFfC 9: Brienne 146

I like Brienne's quest. It is like a computer RPG. Talk to NPCs. Find clues. Travel to next location hinted at by clues. Maybe get in a fight or two along the way.

Brienne does not have much luck until she reaches Duskendale. She goes to get her shield repainted.  Then she has a bath, and fondly remembers Jaime getting into the hot tub with her at Harrenhal. Poor Brienne is now in love with Jaime Lannister, it appears. Then she goes to meet the castellan of Duskendale and we get a history lesson about Dontos Hollard. Did we know he was called Hollard before now? I don't remember it. But his family and the Darklyns of Duskendale once took king Aerys captive. Tywin laid seige to the city and Barristan Selmy (now hanging out with Daenerys) rescued him. But it is said this episode is what made him mad. And it did not end well for the Hollards or the Darklyns, either: Dontos is all that is left of those families. And lots of people are looking for him now.

She has a flash of inspiration when she decides that a likely destination for Sansa would be the Eyrie, since Sansa has an aunt there. If she hears about Lysa's death and that Littlefinger is hanging out at the Eyrie, she might have a further flash of Scooby-doo logic. But for now she meets a Dwarf who seems to have seen someone like Dontos at Maidenpool, which is where Sam's father Randyll Tarly is for some reason. I suppose Dontos could have been picked up by a boat there, since we last saw him in the Blackwater. He was trying to get three people across the sea to Pentos, presumably. Not sure who the other two are. But it did not end well for him, since someone called Nimble Dick captured him and turned him in for a ransom. The dwarf is headed for King's Landing -- that seems like a dangerous place for a dwarf to be going with a lordship up for grabs for killing Tyrion. Do people know well enough what Tyrion looks like?

There was a battle in Duskendale between Stark troops and Randyll Tarly troops and Brienne sees the graves. But I can't remember reading about this particular battle before. A quick search finds that Tyrion was told by Bronn about Tywin sending Tarly to Duskendale to deal with some of Robb Stark's wolves. This was in the chapter where he is waking up after his injuries at the Battle of Blackwater. Tywin confirms this later in the chapter. Tyrion wonders why Robb would risk attacking Duskendale. Brienne and Jaime later planned to to find mounts at Maidenpool and ride via Duskendale and Rosby to King's Landing, but were captured by Vargo Hoat on the road to Duskendale, where Brienne finds herself now. Possibly the fighting was going on in Duskendale then. In a later Tyrion chapter, Varys tells him that Randyll Tarly won the battle outside Duskendale. The survivors are heading back towards Harrenhal where they will encounter GREGOR waiting for them. There is no mention at all of Duskendale in the first book. It's interesting how consistent GRRM is, though. He must have worked all the movements out with wargame miniatures or something.

On the way to Maidenpool, Brienne meets Tyrion's abandoned squire, Podrick Payne, who is also looking for Sansa for some reason.

AFfC 8: Jaime 130

Jaime is standing vigil over his ever-smellier father's corpse. Presumably this is some sort of unfathomable Westerosi tradition. He's wracked with guilt that he caused all this by freeing Tyrion. Actually he caused all this by picking the absolute worst time to tell Tyrion the truth about his first wife. He's also consumed with jealousy at the idea that Cersei would sleep with Lancel and a Kettleblack, as Tyrion told him.

Varys has done a runner. He didn't want to free Tyrion in the first place but Jaime would have killed him otherwise.

Cersei comes to beg him to be hand but goes off in a huff when he says no. But later he helps her out a bit by explaining how to deal with Mace Tyrell, by sending him off to capture Storm's End. It seems like Jaime could just help Cersei out like this from time to time without having any official capacity. She still needs to choose a hand, though.

AFfC 7: Cersei 111

Cersei goes to her dad's funeral. We learn that the reward for killing Tyrion is a lordship. And that Tywin had no sense of humour. Cersei prays that he be judged fairly: she should be careful what she wishes for.

The corpse smells bad and has a funny smile. Cersei is very paranoid now (though they are out to get her), and thinks the septon hired by Tyrion must be behind it.

She has to talk to tedious people. Mace Tyrell wants to be King's hand and has some relative he wants to be master of coin, but Cersei is (quite rightly) suspicious of Tyrells. She asks Gyles Rosby to be master of coin. He doesn't want the job but he takes it.

The not-quite maester Qyburn wants to know more about the poison that is very slowly and painfully killing GREGOR. He should ask the Martells, one of whom was talking previously about it being deliberately slow and painful poison. Anyway I'm a bit suspicious of Qyburn, mostly since Cersei seems incapable of hiring anyone trustworthy (see also the Kettleblacks). And I fully expect GREGOR to make a full recovery and be a bit miffed with the Dornish.

Cersei asks her uncle, Kevan Lannister, to be hand. Up until now I'd always thought of him as a harmless background character, but it turns out he has enormous balls! He tells Cersei he'll take the job only if she buggers off to Casterly Rock to get away from Tommen, since she is, if Joffrey is anything to go by, a terrible mother. And if she doesn't like that, well he's got a quite a lot of soldiers who will back him up. And by the way he knows who Tommen's father is. Awesome stuff, he is my new favourite Lannister.

Interestingly he recommends Sam's dad Randyll Tarly as king's hand as an alternative.

AFfC 6: Arya 98

We last saw Arya getting onto a ship, trying to get to the Wall. Instead she's ended up bound for Braavos, which is a kind of Venice-like city of islands and about as un-Westeros-like as possible, in case Arya wasn't homesick enough. She's going to end up seriously tough at the end of all these adventures.

The weird coin that Jaqen H'ghar gave her leads her to a weird temple. Inside she meets an even weirder old man who seems to be able to read her mind and change his face. The face-changing, if I remember rightly, is a trick Jaqen himself pulled last time Arya saw him. This seems like pretty overtly magical magic, unless it turns out to be some trick along the lines of Stannis' suspiciously not-hot fire-y sword.

AFfC 5: Samwell 80

Jon is now the Lord Commander and doesn't hang out with his friends much any more. Dolorous Edd is his steward. Sam is reading books in the library to learn more about the Others. Stannis is still hanging around. Jon's dilemma is how to get help from Tywin in King's Landing without pissing off Stannis, and keeping Stannis around without pissing of Tywin. It seems pretty moot to me: no-one else is likely to help the Watch.

It seems to be common knowledge that Stannis wants to sacrifice someone with king's blood to resurrect a dragon. Jon is worried about Maester Aemon (Targaryen). So he sends Sam and Aemon off to Oldtown to keep Aemon safe (assuming the journey doesn't kill him) and for Sam to become a Maester. This re-awakens Sam's nightmares about his dad strangling him with a chain last time he said he wanted to be a Maester. There really are some pretty crappy fathers among the Westeros noblemen.

Anyway I'm pretty sure some other big stuff is going to be happening in Oldtown and Sam will likely get there in time to have a ringside seat.

AFfC 4: Brienne 63

Brienne is looking for Sansa. She is heading from King's Landing to Duskendale and makes it as far as Rosby in this chapter. Consulting my iPad map app, its not totally the wrong direction but it's not that right either. And she still thinks Dontos is with Sansa (he's at the bottom of Blackwater Bay somewhere). So unless she gets some better intelligence on Sansa's location it's going to be a long quest.

She goes around asking locals if they've seen people meeting Sansa's and Dontos' descriptions. Basically she's behaving like a player in a fantasy RPG computer game. If she can just talk to the right NPC she can progress the story. Instead she meets Ser Creighton the boastful and Ser Illifer the penniless. This seems like it is going to be a minor side-quest, though. She does learn that plenty of other people are also looking for Sansa, since Cersei is also trying to find her.

By the way what is a hedge knight? Some sort of lesser-knight, it would seem.

Edit: I found out. Hedge knight is a derogatory term for knight errant, which is a knight with no master who must seek work.

Interesting that the word on the street is that Tyrion is the cruelest Lannister. That's pretty far from the truth.

There is a group belonging to a strange religious sect heading for King's Landing. I wouldn't be surprised if this turns out to have more significance than appears here.

Brienne and the hedge knights ride to an Inn and Brienne pays for rooms for them all, but after going to bed and not sleeping she leaves them and gets back on the road.

AFfC 3: Cersei 51

So now get to see inside Cersei's head. This should be interesting!

She is awakened from a rather horrible dream into the rather horrible reality of a bunch of blokes in her room telling her to get up because her father has been murdered. They're not massively big on privacy in Westeros, are they?

She is lead to Tywin's chambers and he is indeed dead. She's a bit surprised to find Shae there, also dead. She is conflicted: feeling unsafe because if Tywin can be killed then any Lannister can be; feeling relieved because he can no longer force her to marry someone. She learns of Tyrion's escape and wonders if Varys has anything to do with that. But she does not yet suspect Jaime. Boy is he in for a world of trouble when she finds out!

Cersei also knows she is currently weak and has few friends she can trust. She needs some men to help protect her and Tommen. It is not looking good for her!

Also in this chapter we learn that Cersei wanted to "deal with" Stannis and Renly before killing Robert. And that an old woman in a tent once told her that Tyrion would kill her (in addition to her mother, father and, she thinks, son).

AFfC 2: The Captain of the Guards 33

The captain is Hotah, and he's looking after Prince Doran Martell, the man in charge of Dorne who couldn't go to visit Tywin himself because he is full of gout. But at least he's staying a nice seaside resort.

The prince's brother Oberyn was killed fighting GREGOR, and his three daughters visit Doran with various plans. One daughter wants to declare war on Tywin and destroy, for some reason I don't understand, Oldtown. Another daughter would be content with a few assassinations. Jaime, Cersei, Tywin and Joffrey. Well, half her work is already done. The third daughter wants to declare Myrcella the Queen of Westeros and then just slaughter Tywin's armies when they attack in retaliation to that, Dorne being one of those really very defensible places that no-one has ever conquered.

So Doran travels to the city of Sunspear, where it seems the people are baying for Lannister blood because Oberyn was popular. It seems like he has to choose which daughter's plan is the best, but instead he orders Hotah to lock all three of them (and their families) up, and stay loyal to Tywin. Boy, is he in for a surprise.

AFfC 1: The Prophet 18

The Prophet is Aeron Damphair Greyjoy, the local religious fanatic of Great Wyk, one of the Iron Islands. This religion is all about drowning and being, if you're lucky, resuscitated. And swigging seawater out of your hip flask. I think I'll pick another religion, thanks.

Aeron learns that king Balon is dead (so we have rewound a bit) and that one of Balon's brothers Euron wants to be king. Aeron doesn't like this, and comes up with the idea to Make the Iron Islands Great Again by choosing a new king at a Kingsmoot, which is a bit like an Entmoot but hopefully doesn't take so long.

AFfC: Prologue

Book 4 starts as most of these books have, by introducing us to an interesting character and then killing him. Poor Pate just wanted to be a Maester, but he was rubbish at that and fell in love with Rosey. He got involved with an "alchemist", and gave him a stolen key in return for a golden dragon. But he bit the dragon to check it was real gold, and found it was coated with poison. Oh dear.

It's not clear who the assassin is, but he's got Baratheon hair.

We also learn that rumours are spreading fast about Dany and her approaching dragons. Also there's an interesting Maester called "The Mage" who seems to have more of a handle on the spooky and weird non-scientific stuff that's been going on. In our universe he'd be a crackpot, but in this world the weird stuff really is happening. So I expect we'll hear more about him before long.

ASoS Summary

So were have we got to?

Of the five kings fighting for the throne, Joffrey, Renly, Robb and Balon Greyjoy are dead. Only Stannis is left, and Tommen, but with Tywin also dead, it's Cersei left in the driving seat and we are under the impression that she is not the cleverest Lannister.

Jaime is still at King's Landing, so he might help her, but for now they have fallen out. Tyrion is presumably going to escape from King's Landing, but we're not sure yet since we last saw him killing Tywin and he might get caught.

Of the Starks, Sansa is stuck with Petyr at the Eyrie. Bran has crossed the wall with Coldhands looking for the Three Eyed Crow he dreamt about after he was pushed out of the window by Jaime way back when. Arya has boarded a ship and might be heading North to meet Jon Snow. Jon Snow has returned and is now Lord Commander of the Watch. We never did find Benjen Stark. Catelyn is in the woods somewhere near Harrenhal with the outlaws Arya escaped from. I don't know what became of Rickon but he's out there somewhere, too.

The Hound is lost and left for dead, but I bet we haven't seen the last of him.

Something is happening in the Iron Islands -- someone will replace Balon Greyjoy. I'm still not entirely sure what happened to Theon, but he might well be dead. Asha conquered some places but presumably she's been summoned back to the Iron Islands to help choose a new king.

The Wildlings are probably going to be allowed to settle the Gift, just south of the wall, because there are scary Others on the way.

Dany has conquered some places and is has stopped in Meereen for now, but at some point she will be on the way with dragons.

ASoS Epilogue 1116

Poor old Merrett Frey and his constant headaches. He was supposed to drink the Greatjon under the table at the red wedding, but failed. Now he is sent to meet with Lord Beric's outlaws and ransom another Frey. But the boy is already dead. And who should show up but Catelyn! She is alive, after a fashion, healed in the manner of Lord Beric, though she can not speak due to the way she was killed.

She can direct an accusing glare at Merrett, though, which gets him hung by Arya's old friends Lem and Anguy. I guess that means Catelyn knows Arya is alive. Maybe there will be Stark family reunion after all!

ASoS 80: Sansa 1098

Sansa is a bit fed up at the Eyrie, since there isn't a lot going on and she doesn't have any friends. She builds a snow-Winterfell, but Petyr joins in and then kisses her. I'm pretty sure he knows Lysa will see and get jealous, and sure enough that's what happens.

Lysa is really a crazy cat lady. She summons Sansa and blames her for seducing Petyr. Then drags her to the Moon Door out of which is a sheer 600 foot drop. It's the door Tyrion would have been dropped out of had he lost his trial after Catelyn brought him to the Eyrie. Petyr turns up and saves Sansa.

We learn that Lysa wanted to marry Petyr before, and almost gave him a son, but Lord Hoster murdered the son (tansy being one of the ingredients of the poison, all of which explains Hoster's death-bed murmerings). Lysa spills the beans about Petyr telling her to kill Jon Arryn, which is how Ned Stark became King's Hand right at the beginning of all this. We also learn that Petyr told her to tell Catelyn that she suspected Lannisters of killing Jon Arryn. I'm not sure what this achieved apart from Ned doing some investigating: perhaps that helped him to get in trouble and get killed. I'm still not entirely sure what Petyr is trying to do but it is very complicated.

Anyway, having calmed Lysa down, Petyr pushes her out of the door. I suppose that has got her out of the way. Petyr will probably try to marry Sansa next, and become lord of Winterfell as well as the Eyrie.

Oh, and he put the blame on Marillion. That guy had it coming, to be honest.

ASoS 79: Jon 1087

Well I was wrong, then. Personally I would have taken the castle, married Val, had lots of sons and lived happily ever after. Ok, I probably would have had to go into battle for Stannis, so maybe not. But Jon isn't averse to a battle or two, I thought he'd go for it. I certainly wouldn't worry about chopping down a few silly trees, as Melisandre wanted him to, or have any kind of guilt trip for taking the Winterfell that should have belonged to others.

Jon decides he will stick with the watch, but before he can tell Stannis his decision, he is made Lord Commander anyway! Sam has deftly manipulated the situation. Sam is a player, not a pawn. Who would have thought?

ASoS 78: Samwell 1074

Stannis is getting annoyed that the Watch have not chosen a new commander yet. He's also pretty interested in Sam killing an Other with dragonglass, and luckily he has a supply of it on Dragonstone. Stannis shows Sam and Aemon his magic glowing sword, and for some reason Aemon is suspicious because it only glows and isn't hot. Melisandre is confusing because she seems to be simultaneously wrong (about Stannis being the chosen one of some prophecy), fraudulent (I'm sure a lot of the fire visions are suggestive, and she gives off a self-serving vibe), and correct (she does have magical powers -- though they're definitely more like Dark Magic with all the sacrifice and shadows). I think she's basically Wormtounge and Stannis is Theoden. Which makes Maester Aemon Gandalf.

Sam doesn't want Janos Slynt in charge and decides that if he can convince Mallister or Pyke to back the other then that might be averted, so he goes to have a word. Only he radically overstretches himself and ends up, more or less accidentally, pulling some Varys/Littlefinger style tricks and, through a series of lies, getting them to vote for Jon as well.

But Jon is going to be lord of Winterfell! Sam what have you done? Just when things were starting to look neat and tidy, you've gone and made it all complicated! I'm pretty sure Jon won't thank you, either. Oh dear, oh dear.