ACoK 59: Tyrion 756

Tyrion observes the battle from the wall. It's great that the ships are burning, but they're not *all* burning, and at some point Stannis is going to regroup. He needs the battle to keep going well because his men aren't loyal enough to stick around if it looks like it might go pear shaped.

Some men from the ships start swimming ashore (the ones with no armour at least; the ones with armour have sunk). Tyrion dispatches troops to get them while they're still drying themselves off.

Joffrey is hanging about and whining that his toy ships are broken, and can he play with his toy trebuchets. He's planning to launch toy soldiers with them. Except they're real trebuchets and real men (the traitorous Antler Men).

Tyrion leaves him to it and goes to see what he can do about a battering ram at the gates to the city. He meets the Hound, who is a bit pissed off at having wildfire sent in his direction. I guess this is what happens when you haven't quite mastered the art of firing your artillery over the top of your own troops. Still, it took people on Earth until WWI to invent the creeping barrage...

There's almost a bit of a mutiny when the Hound refuses to fight any more. But Tyrion points out he's just a half-man and he's going to fight, and some of the men would rather die than be embarassed. So off they go to sneak out of a side-door and attack the guys with the battering ram.

ACoK 58: Davos 740

Stannis is sailing all 200 of his ships into the river by Kings Landing. Davos is commanding one in the second row. He's a bit worried about the strategy of sailing up the river. It's at this point that I realise what Tyrion's chain is for. Seems like a perfect way to trap some ships in a river while raining wildfire down on them.

And no, I'm not clever for figuring it out, it's just that GRRM does seem good at setting out the logic of the strategy. This is not a book where the plot is driven solely by characters making stupid mistakes and self-destructive decisions (though there is some of that). A lot of the plot does seem to be driven by the logic of strategies at play.

Anyway, Davos figures it out about two paragraphs after I do, and sure enough the chain comes up, the ships burn from wildfire hurled at them with trebuchets, and Davos is plunged into the water and swept downstream towards the chain and a lot of burning ships. Cue ad break.

ACoK 57: Sansa 733

The battle is starting. Joffrey makes Sansa kiss his sword and she tells him her brother is cooler than him because he's a man grown and Joffrey is just a stupid little kid. Then she goes off to pray for everyone except Joffrey.

Now all the women and children are hiding in a hall in an inner castle with Queen Cersei. Cersei is full of cheery advice, like how Sansa had better get ready for some hardcore city-sacking.

ACoK 56: Theon 723

Wow. What a chapter. By the way, in case it somehow isn't obvious, or if you're somehow reading this by mistake before you know what happens to Bran and Rickon, stop reading now! I'm going to SPOIL the chapter!

So it was finally confirmed. Theon is having nightmares about wolves with children's heads because of the terrible things he did at the mill. Mostly I just feel bad because of what a terrible place Westeros is, and those poor innocent children getting beheaded. Everyone hates Theon, and they should, because Bran and Rickon's heads are on spikes. It's all just too depressing.

Asha turns up and lays out exactly why Theon is such a dick, and such a moron. He's done all this damage, murdered children and a bunch of other people, everyone hates him, he's completely surrounded by enemies, he didn't think about how he's going to hold on to the place and it's not even strategically useful to the Ironmen since it's nowhere near the sea. Asha even mocks his crown.

Still, Theon has the last laugh because those children's heads belong to the miller's kids. Wait, what?

So, rewind a little. At the end of the last Theon chapter, he finds he has Bran's wolf brooch in a bag. And the idea he gets (edit: no; on a re-read I see that it's Reek who gives him the idea) isn't where Bran might be, but that now he has what he needs to fool people into thinking that he found and killed the children! Genius plan! Everyone will now hate him, but at least his sister Asha won't think that he's a complete idiot. Except she thinks that anyway. So what has he achieved?

I'm pretty relieved though. I was feeling really bad about poor Bran and little Rickon. I mean, I suppose I should feel bad about the similarly aged miller's boys; things haven't turned out well for them. But I don't know them, so it doesn't feel so bad.

ACoK 55: Catelyn 708

Everyone at Riverrun is still celebrating their victories but Catelyn has found out that Bran and Rickon are dead. She's pretty unhappy about it. She goes to see Jaime in the dungeon and swaps answers with him. She learns that all Cersei's children are Jaime's and that he pushed Bran out of the window (Jaime doesn't seem to care what she knows, at this point).

We also find out just how mad King Aerys killed Brandon and Rickard (Ned's dad and brother who Catelyn was originally going to marry). It's about as nasty has having molten gold on your head, and something out of one of those Saw movies. Brandon is being roasted and a device is set up so that Rickard strangles himself trying to save his son. I reckon Jaime deserves some slack for breaking his oath and killing Aerys after that, to be honest.

Cersei wants to kill Jaime for murdering Bran, but manages to restrain herself for the sake of her hostage daughters. But when Jaime starts mocking her about Jon Snow, *that* is too much, and she asks for Brienne's sword.

So Cersei is, presumably, about to kill Jaime herself, Stark style. Which is madness because it's unlikely to end well for Sansa. At this point I'm half-expecting Bran and Rickon to turn up alive after all, since so far we have only heard second-hand reports of their deaths, and it would make for some epic tragedy. A Theon chapter is next so we don't have long to wait to find out.

ACoK 54: Tyrion 698

Tyrion learns that Bran and Rickon were killed by Theon. Is this really how were are going to learn about a POV character's death? Tyrion is slightly taken aback by the news but otherwise it is all so matter-of-fact.

He goes to give the news to Cersei and have dinner with her. GRRM's menus always sound good. I wonder if anyone has written a cookbook based on them. I bet they have.

Cersei seems nonplussed by the death of Catelyn's kids; she's mainly worried about Jaime and wants to make sure that Sansa is well looked-after. Then she springs her trap on Tyrion: she has captured his prostitute girlfriend! Tyrion is a bit worried about this, but luckily it turns out Cersei has the wrong prostitute. He threatens Tommen to keep Cersei in line and she seems cowed for now. Tyrion realises he's had a bit of a close shave: possibly he will learn some lessons. Hard to say who will get the last laugh.

ACoK 53: Jon 689

Halfhand, Jon and company move north through the mountains. Halfhand knows Jon didn't kill the wildling girl, but he doesn't care because he only wanted to test Jon to learn what sort of person he is. If he'd really wanted her dead he'd have asked someone else to do it.

Jon goes to sleep and dreams he is Ghost. He climbs to the top of a ridge and sees Mance Rayder's camp and its exact location. He wakes up and tells everyone and they all believe him and use this intelligence to decide it's time to go home. There is further proof in that Ghost really has been injured by an eagle, just as in the dream.

Now, this all seems a bit unfair to me. To get his super powers, poor Bran had to fall off a building, get crippled, endure months of apparently meaningless nightmares, more months of confusion, and have the deaths of his friends predicted, his predictions disbelieved and finally confirmed before it became clear that the dreams were meaningful. Jon has one good nap, gets all the good information, and is able to make use of it in about three pages. And he still has the use of both his legs. Where's the justice?

Also in this chapter we are introduced to a new character who gets left behind on a mountain to martyr himself attempting to delay the company's hundreds of pursuers with a single bow.